Glad I don't have much longer. (POSSIBLE TRIGGER)

[OldBaldy1701E]

My country has failed me. I never asked for much of anything. But, it seems that even my small requests were too much for a country that is trying so desperately to win a contest that does not exist.

I did my time in the military. Means nothing. I was always the first person to run towards the scene of an accident. Means nothing. I never did anything to ostracize anyone and tried my best to be a decent person. It all means nothing. I said for decades that the only way to get ahead in the US was to be a soulless animal. Wednesday proved me right in a most spectacular way. I also said that I will certainly fail because I am not a soulless animal. I guess I am in a tiny minority.

Now (meaning the last ten years or so), I am physically falling apart. Now, I am mentally becoming much worse. Now, I am emotionally empty and have no spark of life or even a tiny flicker. Now, I want to avoid the pain and suffering that is inevitable for those like me. I have always said that, although I desperately want to pass on, I lack the courage to take that level of control in my miserable life.

Wednesday just might finally be the catalyst that I need. I could already see the writing on the wall. People like me are an anachronism and it seems even our knowledge is not welcome or desired. So, we have noting but a slow, tortuous descent into the end to look forward to. I always said that I would not just mark time in my existence on this earth... now, thanks to failing at life and failing at health, I can doing nothing else but.

Why was I even allowed to exist in the first place if this was to be the result? How can anyone believe in a deity when we live in such a time and with such heartless and cruel human beings? How can we believe in the principles of our founding document when we live in a society that obviously could care less about justice, equality, the general welfare, etc.?

Why bother?

[Walleye]

1. You have not failed! You have resisted their efforts to turn you into a soulless animal

You have contributed your whole life to the decency of humanity. That is very important. What we can do individually is what we do as humans. That said, I do know how you feel. I’m having a hard time getting pleasure or joy out of anything.

[niyad]

2. hugggs. I don't have any answers, wish I did. But here if we can help.

[livetohike]

3. Don't let "them" change you. You're a valuable

human being whose lifetime of experience and wisdom are to be cherished. Keep posting here on DU where all of us of like minds live one another.

[zuul]

4. Same.

As a woman, I always heard growing up that my generation would be the first to have unlimited possibilities. It was all a lie.

The hardest working, most responsible, and most productive people I have ever worked with were women. Men get away with sloppy work, tardiness, and inappropriate behavior, while suffering no consequences. As Van Jones said about Kamala Harris recently, ‘we have to be flawless, they get to be lawless.’

And what reward do we women get for working our asses off? Lower pay and a longer lifespan, making it much more likely that we will have to live in poverty.

This country disgusts me. My only child has lived in Germany for more than a decade, and though she visits frequently, she does not plan to live in the US ever again. I am so glad that she got out.

[appmanga]

5. Thank you for your service, and I understand...

...because, like you, I've fought the good fight for a very long time. The way I see it now, as I've said in another forum, is I'm holding seven/deuce off-suit while sitting across from the guy holding a pair of aces. My part in the game is over. Trump could replace Alito and Thomas with clones who are 30 years younger, and it's possible he could wind up having put six justices on the Supreme Court. America's greatest archcriminal will remake its highest court for the next generation. That, and the damage that will do, will not be undone in the remainder of my lifetime.

Thank goodness I'm relatively healthy and, despite some financial ups and downs, I may be able to make it through that remainder of life financially okay. I don't feel despondent, and I hope you can get beyond that. I'm not depressed, and I don't regret the years I've spent fighting the good fight, but I know it's time for me to bow out. What's going to happen in these next four years will take a subsequent generation to undo, and I'm unlikely to live that long.

I hope you can find the strength and will to rebound from your current state. There are people who are committing themselves to the resistance and it's possible they will be effective at some point in constraining or reversing some of the worst that's yet to come, but I feel our best hope for avoiding the destruction of our democracy has just been turned away, and it's time for me to focus on me. I've spent the last 50 years trying to educate, implore, persuade, convince, and cajole folks in my community and my country to think deeper and work a bit harder for their country's interests, and results will redound to them in ways that will make all our lives better. You and millions of others have done the same thing, but at the most critical juncture in our history since WWII, folks didn't buy what we were selling. I have my beliefs as to why not, and they've been expressed elsewhere. They've made their choice. Whatever life will be, for as long as we live, it will go on. And we should be proud of what we've done, and be okay with a decision to accept what's happened and move on.

So please, try to heal, and go ahead and devote your remaining time to you.

Good luck.

[XanaDUer2]

6. Hugs

[Ray Bruns]

7. Maybe you should have bankrupted a few casinos or committed fraud.

[happy feet]

12. Sarcasm

Is unwarranted in this thread and unhelpful.

[OldBaldy1701E]

17. Thanks for that, but I found it very funny and ironically true.

As I said above, that is what it takes to be solvent in modern America. So, his sarcastic humor is spot on.

[OldBaldy1701E]

19. I know right? But, as I said, I just cannot be a slime ball.

Thanks for the laugh.

[Debo77]

8. Ok, just stop!

Please….

[markie]

9. you

stop... Oldbaldy is in pain just as many of us are... he needs us, and he needs love and care

[OldBaldy1701E]

20. Yeah, I know.

It is not my intention to be a drag.

[markie]

10. I understand

the sadness, frustration, angry.... we need you and we hear your pain

[bronxiteforever]

11. You absolutely did not fail at life. You are precious.

You have compassion and a good soul. Outcomes in the world roulette wheel are precarious.
What is not a game of chance is who you are. And that nobody can ever steal. I will be thinking of you and sending you good energy.

[OldBaldy1701E]

21. The wild thing is that both compassion and a good soul are detrimental in our modern America.

Not profitable. So, no one cares.

[multigraincracker]

13. You have my love and respect.

Never put your self value the the hands of those of lesser standing.

[OldBaldy1701E]

18. Oh, I feel I value myself okay.

It is society that has shown that it does not value me. By deciding that I should suffer until I perish is certain proof in my eyes. By saying that they cannot help me when I did all I could to help them. I can value myself all I want, but when no one else will, what is the chance for survival? How can one even attempt to? I fall into the category of people who are hearing about freaking 'Running Man*' scenarios. I don't stand a chance in such a scene.

You want to know how naive and gullible I was when it came to this country? There were several times over the years where I did my taxes, saw that I was going to get back a measly hundred bucks or so, and decided to just ignore it because the government needed money all the time. I was very young then. Young and delusional. I was deluded for most of my entire childhood (thanks to my mother's games) and then the propaganda took over from there. What a fool I was.

*A story by Stephen King in his book 'The Bachman Books', which is a compilation of short novellas he wrote over the years. The referenced story is about a dystopian future where the poor compete for survival and prizes on television programs for the entertainment of the elite. The environment is now ruined and the elite wear breathing protection that most of the rest of the people cannot afford. The lower people work and live in programmed squalor while the rest live it up.

[ananda]

14. Good, soulful people do not know how to fight sociopaths.

And especially sociopaths who have more money than god.

I'm really glad we exist, but as for survival, it doesn't appear
to be very helpful these days.

It also makes me sad beyond words.

I don't know what else to say except I love you
and wish you the best, whatever happens.

[Clouds Passing]

15. I know and feel your pain OldBaldy

You are with us, we are with you.

[tetedur]

16. You are breaking my heart. Don't let yourself be a casualty of the liar.

After the Covid incompetence, this is the worst thing he is doing to us all. Making us lose hope. I'm old enough to remember the body blows we took when JFK, MLK and RFK died. When we lost their leadership, progress was set back for generations. But no one died on Tuesday. We can't let him kill us.

Turn it off for now. Give yourself a break. Do something you love, if it is only enjoying some music. You might not feel like your life added to the light but I know you did. And it tears me up that you feel that way. I'm going to survive that dipshit. If I can make it, so can you.

You were with me on my walk this morning and wanted to just tell you that.

[OldBaldy1701E]

22. Thanks for the replies everyone.

I did a few direct replies to things, but I also wanted to thank the DU family for their wishes and efforts.

I now have a target on my back. Even in a blue state, there are those who would try to damage me in any way they can. My husband is in even more danger, as he is usually rather oblivious to reality.

It is my hope that we progressives never give in to such tyranny and greed. But, I am nothing and offer nothing to that fight, other than a little whining. I am not rich. I am not powerful. Therefore, I am nothing to the enemy. My only hope is that, because of this lack of value in the eyes of the enemy, that they will not come after us as yet another scapegoat to their own lunacy and lack of common sense. You know that before, I was always afraid of other people because of my mental issues. Now, there is a valid reason to be afraid. And, I have no idea who they might be. It could be one or more of every person walking in and out of the grocery store. It could be the cashier in the store. It could be the cop parading around the entrance as a theft deterrent. Any one of them could take me out and suffer nothing for it, thanks to what happened Tuesday. This is the life of all non-white, non-christian, non-straight citizens of the US now.

THX-1138, here we come. I hope I don't see it.