I think I might not be a loner after all.

[Still Blue in PDX]

Not sure if I'm a loner or shy or simply f*cked up because I was raised by f*cked up people.

Probably should try therapy instead of posting this on DU but this is cheaper. I tried therapy once and ended up having to pay $150 because my insurance wouldn't pay for a visit that I missed because I was anxious about going and didn't cancel in time. Don't know whether to chalk that up in the "sad but true" or the "unbelievable stupid shit I've done" column.

Plus I lied to the counselor because I tend to say everything is fine when it isn't, so it wasn't very helpful.

[Smarmie Doofus]

1. Counselors know that "everything" isn't fine. If it were you wouldn't be there.

Online groups are good. ( Certainly better than nothing.)

You might be able to hook-up w. low/no cost self-help group. Also ... "better than nothing".

Maybe ask MD for a referral; or church/synagogue/community center.

Good vibes on the way. ( Grade A, btw; my *top* grade.)

[Still Blue in PDX]

4. Thanks - all good ideas - and especially for the good vibes. nt

[hunter]

2. I'm a loner. married, with adult kids.

So far as I can tell I won the loner lottery.

My own parents are odd, very very "eccentric artists" odd. They've retreated from ordinary life to live in a remote rain forest. I've never seen the house they now live in except on the internet. I have no money to get there. But even at their very, very, very craziest my parents were never "f*cked up people." They've always been honest with us, their children, about everything, especially when it most mattered.

I'm a very lucky dog. With "normal" parents I'd probably be dead. One of my childhood weirdo geek friends had "normal" parents. He's dead.

[Still Blue in PDX]

3. You are indeed lucky!

My parents were not honest about anything, at least with me. I think my mom would have been if she hadn't been completely dominated by my alcoholic dad, who was physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive to her.

They, too, were very much loners, which is how they kept it secret from everyone (including me!) that I wasn't their kid. Kind of rocked my world, and not in a good way, when I accidentally found that out when I was in my late 20s.

Edited to add: I always loved my parents and never had any doubts that they loved me, but they were not happy people.