I would like to be a host in this group. Any objections?

[HopeHoops]

I've got three daughters, 16, 18, and 20, so I'm not a newbie in this department.

[katsy]

1. Okay by me!

And since I have you as a captive OP (so to speak), how do you handle a particularly mouthy 10 year old girl?

She is not mean. But when she says no, she means no. No cleaning her room... end of story. There is no such thing as bribery, enticements, privileges that can move this mountain!

[HopeHoops]

2. Been through three of them (and the 16-year old is still in that stage).

We do NOT hit our children - never had, so that's not going to appear in my advice. Withholding food or other necessities is also out. There are a few things that you can use gently - suspension of computer and/or cell phone rights. No videos. No phone calls at all. Most of them seem punitive. We do better with logic - I have to use a cane and if I need to get to your window to shut it when it rains, I can't. Still, their rooms are disaster areas, as was mine at that age. Laundry is the biggest bitch. Do NOT use bribery. That just pegs you as a sucker.

She sounds like a girl that's going somewhere. Strong will is far better than shy obedience. Have you considered martial arts? All three of ours say "Yes SIR" or Yes MA'AM". They're all 2nd degree black belts (my wife's a 3rd degree). If we lay down the law, even the 20 year old will do as we say, but for the most part we are letting them grow up. The older two both have boyfriends who sleep over and we stay out of the way. I've said for many years, "PUT A RUBBER ON IT!" and I trust them to do so. But if a boyfriend is here, he's on the housework checklist just like our own kids. We feed them, they do whatever work we need to have done that day. I haven't heard any arguments.

Oh, and you're only dealing with 10. Watch out for 13. (shudder).

On Edit: You've only got them for a short time in the general scheme of things. Enjoy it.

[katsy]

3. Can I just gush LOVE right now? For my girl and your family?

We never hit in my house either. Twins, son and daughter, 10 going on 11.

Philosophically we're aligned with you regarding sexuality and mostly everything else also. Unfortunately... even as I knew what I was doing was wrong, I have tried bribery.I hope I can apologise to her for even trying such a demeaning tactic. That wasn't right.

But when my darling daughter says no, it is over. When she was little, she enjoyed time out and told me so. There is nothing (phone-computer-gadgets-toys) and I mean NOTHING she values. This is not little-miss-take-me-psycho-shopping-I-want-it-all type of child. She has only been in a mall 3 times in her life and never buys. That is what makes it so hard. She only loves her books, her art supplies and stuffed toys which I never dare consider turning into an ugly tug of war.

I know her brother would clean her room for a small fee. Think that would be okay?

[katsy]

4. 13?

I'm not worried.

I'll hunt you down for advice.

But do tell us your experiences!

[TBF]

5. My daughter is 8 - I remind her that if I have to clean her room she may not like the results.

Same thing with homework. If she chooses not to do her homework and her grades drop, then extra activities that she enjoys are off the schedule.

She's pretty mouthy as well, but I really don't mind her venting. I'd worry more if she didn't question authority

[katsy]

6. Acknowledged.

In every way, I love how she stands up for herself and she is very motivated in school, an excellent student.

When it comes to cleaning or chores, she won't budge. She wants her twin brother or me to clean up after her. There is no privilege too precious to lose.

Maybe I should turn that warzone into a playroom for the rest of us and let her sleep on the couch LOL!

[TBF]

7. lol - I tend to pick my battles as well.

nt