"Son, it's OK if you don't get laid tonight."

[ehrnst]

<snip>
You receive messaging that suggests the guys you want to emulate are the ones who are getting laid. But the pressure to be “that guy” is what leads to so many bad judgment calls, judgment calls that end up with a girl raped or otherwise violated. Daisy Coleman in Missouri was lured, along with her friend, to a school mate’s basement, loaded up with alcohol, raped, and then dumped unconscious to freeze to death in her yard. So was her friend. They were 13 and 14. That’s just slightly older than your little sister.

I’d like to get inside the minds of those boys in that basement. They were hanging out together, probably for the umpteenth time, bored, and thought, “there are no girls here, this sucks.” It DOES suck when there are no girls around and it’s a total sausage fest. NOT because then there’s no one to use for release of physiological needs, but because women can be awesome and funny and smart and bring something to a party or situation that is missing if it’s only dudes. Women are valuable people for reasons other than owning boobs and a vagina. But that wasn’t what those boys had in mind. They actually called this girl and planned to get her so messed up that they could use her as entertainment. And not one of the boys there had the courage to push back against whatever fucked up thing in their head made them interested in this (maybe because they wanted to see if real sex measured up to what they see in porn?). They didn’t have the courage to push back against that in themselves, and they certainly didn’t have the courage to make their friends stop.

I’d like to think that would never, could never be you. I think better of you and better of your friends to think it would. But the reality is that all human beings are susceptible to momentary lapses of character and judgment, and in groups, it’s even more likely. More than anything, I want you to internalize this truth: it’s okay if you don’t get laid tonight. Or tomorrow night. It’s okay if you DO get laid and it’s with a girl who truly enjoyed herself, too, but then it’s okay if she doesn’t sleep with you again. It’s okay if it’s another year or more before you have sex with anyone again. It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay. What’s way more important than getting laid is pretty much everything. But specifically, you have core values that will always trump getting laid. Like protecting people. Like looking at every situation and determining what your best role is in it. Like rooting for the underdog and not siding with the people who have power in a given scenario.

Those parts of you are why I think you will always be better than any pressure you experience to “get laid.”

</snip>


http://angieup.tumblr.com/post/64577581035/son-its-okay-if-you-dont-get-laid-tonight

[TheJames]

1. K & R; What he said.