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littlemissmartypants

(25,172 posts)
Tue Sep 17, 2024, 11:34 PM Sep 17

My best friend is fading away.

I used to have a human best friend, my mother. But she died. Now my little doggie best friend is leaving me. My heart is already broken. Can it possibly break any more?

I'm wondering if chichi will make it until her birthday, October 8th. She was born in 2008. She was rescued from a dumpster. The breeding operation she was rescued from had been shut down. So many dogs in need remained. No one wanted her because she was born with so many birth defects.

A friend told me about her. She convinced me to go see her before it was too late. She was not going to be kept if no one adopted her, I was told. The thought of that still chills my bones.

All it took was one look, and she had stolen my heart. She was a fuzzball with huge ears, and she was mine. I knew I had found a companion and a friend.

I lost my pomeranian of 15 years just months before to a massive stroke, and the space he left was enormous. He was my baby. Literally.

When my former husband and I lost our baby to a physician's medical mistake, I wasn't able to get pregnant again, and my new doctor told me to "get a dog." So, I put the money aside and made a plan.

Like everything else I embarked on then I did my research. I read about breeds and life spans and peculiarities. I decided on a pomeranian. He was amazing.

I named him after a famous French general. You probably know the one. Because this pooch was a little guy with a huge personality. He immediately had me conquered.

The same thing happened with chichi. All ears and attitude but never barking. Eventually, she learned to bark and found her voice.

She would sing when I sang and we had a song list. I had so much fun "singing" with her, but now I can only try to remember the sound I know I'll never hear again.

She only occasionally barked. But when she did, it was a sound so large that believing it came from a four pound Chihuahua was difficult to reconcile.

Now, I'm holding a vigil. There will be no more barking. She hasn't been able to stand on her own for a couple of weeks. I've been anticipating all of her needs, carrying her around like a baby. The one I lost. The one I couldn't have.

Yesterday she ate very little for the first time and drinking has become very difficult for her. It's been so hard to watch. It's so hard to try and mitigate.

I want more than anything to see her fight for her life. But now she just cries out for me. She literally howls to have me hold her. So, I do.

It's a sound she's never made before. A sound I will probably miss and not want to really hear again, but one I will try to remember. It means she's still breathing. It means that I still have a friend.

Because she has been stuck to me like glue from the first time we met. I took her everywhere. So small and quiet and stealth no one ever really knew. She stole hearts when they did.

So to work, the bank, shopping, everywhere. I didn't want to leave her and now she's leaving me.

I don't want to lose her. I don't want to disappoint her. She's been a friend, and so will I be, until the end.

I made a commitment. I don't break promises.

She's been my everything since my mother died, and now she's leaving me too.

I am overwhelmed. Watching her fade. I keep checking to see if she's still breathing. I've barely slept, afraid I won't be there when she goes.

I think I may be broken. I'm so sad.

62 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
My best friend is fading away. (Original Post) littlemissmartypants Sep 17 OP
I'm so sorry. Losing any fur baby is terribly difficult. sinkingfeeling Sep 17 #1
This message was self-deleted by its author littlemissmartypants Sep 18 #30
TY. ❤️ littlemissmartypants Sep 18 #31
Holding you and your precious chichi in light and love. We are here for you both. niyad Sep 17 #2
TY ❤️ littlemissmartypants Sep 18 #32
I can feel your pain thru your words and wish more than anything there was something I could do or say Deuxcents Sep 17 #3
TY ❤️ littlemissmartypants Sep 18 #33
How ironic that I am probably the first one to read this Sucha NastyWoman Sep 17 #4
I am so sorry. LoisB Sep 17 #6
Lady of the Beasts, please take Your little Roxanne gently home in Your niyad Sep 18 #14
TY ❤️ littlemissmartypants Sep 18 #34
I am sad with you. Sending a big hug to you. LoisB Sep 17 #5
TY ❤️ littlemissmartypants Sep 18 #35
I'm so sorry to hear of Chichi's condition SheltieLover Sep 18 #7
TY ❤️ littlemissmartypants Sep 18 #36
Yw! SheltieLover Sep 19 #61
There are no words that can make this better radical noodle Sep 18 #8
TY ❤️ littlemissmartypants Sep 18 #37
I'm not sure this will help, Abolishinist Sep 18 #9
TY ❤️ littlemissmartypants Sep 18 #38
Sending love and strength to you both. TommyT139 Sep 18 #10
TY ❤️ littlemissmartypants Sep 18 #39
They worm their way into your heart with very little effort. Tadpole Raisin Sep 18 #11
TY ❤️ littlemissmartypants Sep 18 #40
You are an angel in Chichi's life.. Permanut Sep 18 #12
TY ❤️ littlemissmartypants Sep 18 #41
Sending love and comforting vibes to you and your sweet dog. virgdem Sep 18 #13
TY ❤️ littlemissmartypants Sep 18 #42
The worst! Lulu KC Sep 18 #15
TY ❤️ littlemissmartypants Sep 18 #43
I'm so very sorry for what you are going through. StarryNite Sep 18 #16
TY ❤️ littlemissmartypants Sep 18 #44
Leaky eyes for you. Treasure your little girl. Backseat Driver Sep 18 #17
TY ❤️ littlemissmartypants Sep 18 #45
You *are* broken Roy Rolling Sep 18 #18
TY ❤️ littlemissmartypants Sep 18 #46
So sorry...it's indeed painful PortTack Sep 18 #19
TY ❤️ littlemissmartypants Sep 18 #47
Please accept the extraordinary Honor of JMCKUSICK Sep 18 #20
TY ❤️ littlemissmartypants Sep 18 #48
I'm so sorry. My heart breaks for you. Hugs to you and chichi. You will both be in my thoughts. HeartsCanHope Sep 18 #21
TY ❤️ littlemissmartypants Sep 18 #49
I'm so sorry to hear that wendyb-NC Sep 18 #22
TY ❤️ littlemissmartypants Sep 18 #50
I am so very sorry Laurelin Sep 18 #23
TY ❤️ littlemissmartypants Sep 18 #51
I'm so sorry. All we can do is share your tears. 70sEraVet Sep 18 #24
TY ❤️ littlemissmartypants Sep 18 #52
I'm so sorry, lmsp. I hope in time your precious memories brer cat Sep 18 #25
TY ❤️ littlemissmartypants Sep 18 #53
I'm so sorry you're losing your best friend. CousinIT Sep 18 #26
TY ❤️ littlemissmartypants Sep 18 #54
You sound like a wonderful dog parent. Basso8vb Sep 18 #27
TY ❤️ littlemissmartypants Sep 18 #55
littlemisssmartypants, My heart breaks for you and Chichi rockbluff botanist Sep 18 #28
TY ❤️ littlemissmartypants Sep 18 #56
Such a powerful presence for such a tiny being. You aren't alone, although it seems far too huge for one person. Judi Lynn Sep 18 #29
TY ❤️ littlemissmartypants Sep 18 #57
Im sorry for your pain Figarosmom Sep 19 #58
TY ❤️ littlemissmartypants Sep 19 #60
I think I may be broken..... Bayard Sep 19 #59
Just learning of this now, lmsp True Dough Sep 19 #62

Response to sinkingfeeling (Reply #1)

Deuxcents

(19,531 posts)
3. I can feel your pain thru your words and wish more than anything there was something I could do or say
Tue Sep 17, 2024, 11:52 PM
Sep 17

I will hold you close in my heart that you will have some comfort and peace. ((💐 )

Sucha NastyWoman

(2,892 posts)
4. How ironic that I am probably the first one to read this
Tue Sep 17, 2024, 11:52 PM
Sep 17

I’ve lost my Roxanne four days ago. She was also born 2008. But her 16th birthday was August 26 so she did make it to that. Which amazed me because she was diagnosed with kidney disease that was untreatable three years ago. I thought I was losing her several times lately because she also had develop heart problems and was so weak that her legs would splay out when she tried walking on the slippery tile. She was so thin her hip bones just were like two pointy things, and the terrible coughing she had developed from the heart problems, and her breathing was very rabid and shallow. Tragically, this time she seem to lose her joy and interest in anything all so I decided to let her go. I never expected that she would make it to her 16th birthday, so I feel I got a big bonus.

I have three others of the same breed, Coton de Tulear, between the ages of 11 and 14. I’ll just say that it’s probably a lot easier for me than it’s going to be for you and I’m sorry for that but of course it’s still hurts. Right at this moment she would be snuggled right up next to me if she were still here.

niyad

(119,545 posts)
14. Lady of the Beasts, please take Your little Roxanne gently home in Your
Wed Sep 18, 2024, 12:51 AM
Sep 18

loving arms, and send peace and comfort to her grieving love one.

I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious little girl.

radical noodle

(8,425 posts)
8. There are no words that can make this better
Wed Sep 18, 2024, 12:13 AM
Sep 18

but it's something most of us have experienced, so we can understand your pain. Comforting hugs for you, and may little chichi have a gentle journey into the beyond where she will be waiting for you... because she knows how very much you love her.

Abolishinist

(1,884 posts)
9. I'm not sure this will help,
Wed Sep 18, 2024, 12:19 AM
Sep 18

but I've been through a number of pets passing on, and it always got to me emotionally, and in a bad way.

It seems like yesterday, but as I count the years it's been more like seven, when we had to put another of our beloved cats down. Our vet came to our house around 2pm to put her out of her misery (she was blind and lost her hearing) and I told myself, SELF, you are so blessed. This is a time of joy, you were blessed with almost 20 years of knowing her, think of how fortunate you were to have had her in your life for all of these years. She is passing on, but your happy memories of her will stay with you forever.

And you know what? It worked.

Tadpole Raisin

(1,402 posts)
11. They worm their way into your heart with very little effort.
Wed Sep 18, 2024, 12:31 AM
Sep 18

You develop a routine so natural you don’t think about it.

And if you go to a party, when you leave - saying you have to get back to your dog, non dog owners will look at you funny while dog owners will say ‘oh yes of course! They know.

It’s the big things. It’s the little things. It’s the unspoken agreement. You have always been there for her as she has been for you. You made a promise. The last gift.

I understand.

virgdem

(2,204 posts)
13. Sending love and comforting vibes to you and your sweet dog.
Wed Sep 18, 2024, 12:40 AM
Sep 18

I know how hard it is to lose a best friend, as I've lost 7 kitties over the years.

StarryNite

(10,757 posts)
16. I'm so very sorry for what you are going through.
Wed Sep 18, 2024, 01:04 AM
Sep 18

Though we know death is inevitable it doesn't make it any easier when the time comes. Keep doing what you are doing for her. She will be with you forever. You are bonded and always will be.

Backseat Driver

(4,635 posts)
17. Leaky eyes for you. Treasure your little girl.
Wed Sep 18, 2024, 01:13 AM
Sep 18

My grandma had a Pom; she was a fuzzy furball and very protective of her mama and very highstrung around children. We were not allowed to play with her as she would snap at us.

Roy Rolling

(7,165 posts)
18. You *are* broken
Wed Sep 18, 2024, 01:20 AM
Sep 18

Your words are truth. Facing the same situation, I did the same as you until my sweet Krusty passed from his mortal body. My wife and I were devastated.

Spend time and be with her. Just *be* with her. She needs your help and appreciates the time you are devoting to making her final moments of life in a dog body a loving experience.

And for creating that love I wish you peace and a loving embrace from all of DU. ❤️

JMCKUSICK

(373 posts)
20. Please accept the extraordinary Honor of
Wed Sep 18, 2024, 01:38 AM
Sep 18

sharing all of ChiChis life.
She didn't break you, she fixed you.
She made it safe to feel, to play, to laugh, to sing, to belong, to give,

I had the honor of helping my Pookie, (cat) cross the Rainbow Bridge and I'd a thousand times prefer that to finding my baby Snuggles on the sider of the road already deceased. Or worse yet, having sweet and courageous Freddie Bear just disappear without a trace mid July.
Freddie found me a month after My Snuggles crossed and I swear he was there to help me cope.

Please know I share your exquisite pain as only one who has travelled a few steps in your shoes. Please find a way to celebrate 15 wonderful years of joy, for surely that was a fair price to pay for todays sorrow.

I always talk to my crossed babies whenever I see Dragon Flies or Butterflies as they both have spiritual connections to souls.
It's hard, but the smiles that absorb my tears that I cry at this moment are all courtesy of the same beautiful creatures whose sorrow at their loss I can only carry with gratitude.

Take a selfie with her, have it plated and build a wind chime that will sing to you only as she could.

My heart is with you filled with love and hope.

wendyb-NC

(3,762 posts)
22. I'm so sorry to hear that
Wed Sep 18, 2024, 05:47 AM
Sep 18

Loosing our little pets is so hard. I know you made her life the best, and she knows she is loved and she loves you back 10 fold. May she go peacefully. Hugs.

Laurelin

(631 posts)
23. I am so very sorry
Wed Sep 18, 2024, 07:38 AM
Sep 18

My (tenth) dog died in February. It was the first time in my adult life I didn't have a dog. I didn't mean to get another one but I was just so sad and lost. I lost three people shortly after losing my dog, and my senior cat was also dying. Anyway I got a puppy. She is one of the most difficult puppies I have ever had. I'm really struggling with her.... but I'm not heartbroken anymore. Crazy, demented, exhausted, and injured ( she's strong! ) but not depressed.

There are other rescue dogs, or cats, or rabbits, or whatever you can cope with, that need a good home.

There are also really good people in the world. You need human friends too. Do what you can to reach out, find good people. Maybe volunteer at an animal shelter since you are full of love yourself.

Take good care of yourself. You're having a horrible time but it will pass, and if you keep your heart open, other people and animals will walk with you. Also stay here and let us know how you're doing.

brer cat

(26,127 posts)
25. I'm so sorry, lmsp. I hope in time your precious memories
Wed Sep 18, 2024, 04:51 PM
Sep 18

will bring you comfort and put a smile on your face. She was loved and cared for which is all our pets ask of us.

CousinIT

(10,037 posts)
26. I'm so sorry you're losing your best friend.
Wed Sep 18, 2024, 04:56 PM
Sep 18

I guess all you can do is ensure she doesn't suffer and that you are there for her until the end. She is lucky to be loved by you!

Basso8vb

(244 posts)
27. You sound like a wonderful dog parent.
Wed Sep 18, 2024, 04:57 PM
Sep 18

Your doggos were so lucky to have found you and it's always so hard when it's time for our furry friends to leave us.

Hugs to you.

rockbluff botanist

(360 posts)
28. littlemisssmartypants, My heart breaks for you and Chichi
Wed Sep 18, 2024, 05:23 PM
Sep 18

You're pain is palpable. I am crying.

He certainly has lived his very best life with you. You are a wonderful dog mom.

Judi Lynn

(162,336 posts)
29. Such a powerful presence for such a tiny being. You aren't alone, although it seems far too huge for one person.
Wed Sep 18, 2024, 05:38 PM
Sep 18

I'm convinced it's simply meant to be continued, little miss smarty pants.

Please take good care of yourself, and don't give up. None of this experience has been in vain.

Figarosmom

(2,351 posts)
58. Im sorry for your pain
Thu Sep 19, 2024, 12:19 AM
Sep 19

But please make yourself rejoice in the wonderful life you gave Chichi. The most wonderful thing we can do is to make life worth living and you did that. You'll still have your memories so Chichi is not leaving you and you have not lost her, she'll be in your heart.

Bayard

(24,145 posts)
59. I think I may be broken.....
Thu Sep 19, 2024, 12:21 AM
Sep 19

I get that.

I've lost so many fur kids of various species over the years, and its never gotten any easier. Your heart hurts, and its hard to breathe because your chest feels so constricted.

She wants you to hold her because she still feels your love. You are a great comfort to her in this scary time that she doesn't understand. Its the best we can do.

Please keep us posted. I'd love to see some pics of both your pupsters when you're ready.

Lean on us.

True Dough

(20,086 posts)
62. Just learning of this now, lmsp
Thu Sep 19, 2024, 02:42 AM
Sep 19

I hope you and chichi were able to get some rest.

From the dumpster to your loving home. What more could chichi have ever asked for? You literally turned her life around, and she enriched yours.

Saying goodbye is heartbreaking. That companionship means so much to you both. I'm glad you were able to savor it all these years.

You're in my thoughts.

“The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man’s.” – Mark Twain

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