She wrote this today. I had to share.
From a friend. Her name is Darcy.
Darcy lost both her son (in Iraq), and then her husband. (A few years after he came back from Iraq. He didn’t die on the battlefield. He died back here, one of the many victims of the war who lost the battle he fought inside.)
I was her husband’s Platoon Leader, and then Company Commander at one time. I knew her son only briefly. Her husband served with me for about ten years.
How Darcy has held together I will never know. She has. And she’s started in touch with others who were with her son when he was killed. And the soldiers around both her son and husband.
She wrote and passed along today , this - from One of the guys her son was with in Iraq. She still keeps in touch with him. She talks with us all.
“ It's almost been 18 years. It has been 18 years since I last talked to you. Last heard your voice that wasn't a video. Those that were with you still bare the scars, mentally and physically. Tonight I share the writings of John. He was your driver. Remember freedom is never free. Shared with permission.”- Darcy.
“It sneaks up on me. An then I look at the date an I sort of know why. Is 19 years a long time? because somedays it seems like yesterday or even right now.
I woke up an thought I was actually in my rack for a second. The pain didn't hit till later. My first clue something horrible had happened was the taste in my mouth, expended munitions the smoke of it filled the cabin. I tried to move myself an found it Way too difficult. I didn't understand in point of fact I was lodged upside down, you get all confused when shit like that happens.
I tasted blood an that really spooked me. An then I could just barely hear above that damn high pitch whine in my ears, "John! " Rob calling from outside the rig, but it was just the barest of sounds.
I could smell fuel and wondered if I was about to be cooked alive. I tried for all I was worth to climb my way to the "top", but what I didn't know is that in reality I was just struggling a bit further into the foot well. There was a gaping hole that I could just barely make out Rob or someone.
How long was I stuck in that god damned humvee? Trying to move my legs which didn't want to move. I had no idea at the time that my pelvis had been snapped in 3 places, my left an right legs fractured multiple times in different places, my arm broke. Things didn't feel right, that's for certain, I can't really describe it beyond that.
I cried an called for to not be left which is silly because no one had any intention of leaving me. But that's how things are when you have a humvee on top of you.
It started getting very hard to breath, it wasn't fast, but once it started it picked up quickly. It panicked me even more.
What is bravery? What is courage? I'm not sure I can say because I felt neither brave nor courageous, just terrified out my damn skull.
You see horrible, just utterly horrible things you will Never be able to fully rip from your memory. An then you realize it's not someone else this time, it's you. Your the one fucked up, your the one unable to move.
I cannot express really all of the feelings that come with such things. The helplessness. The fear. The anger. They haunt me at times, sometimes less, sometimes More. I try to cope, as best I'm able, to ignore it, push it down, to try not to think about it so much. But it's Always there an I suspect Always will be.
The want us to come home after that nightmare an be "normal" .... When I came back what I found was that most people were bored of the war, blissfully indifferent an unknowing of the battles being fought. ALl for what? What did we achieve, what were so many young lives worth spending for? Why?! For oil? Doesn't seem like that now. To preserve American power an dominance? Don't seem much like that was ever achieved either.
The country called an we answered and I guess I don't regret that part, but I wish this country an had thought a bit more before sending us to die for nothing, no tangible benefit at all.
Now we are yet again on the cusp of multiple wars. I hope they will pass us by without conflict, but that wouldn't really work would it? Apparently we have to give a shit about other folks gov'ts, claiming that we are on the side of democracy an They are all dictators an autocrats I believe is the term currently in use.
Wars started by people who will never ever see an feel the harshness of combat, willing to spend countless young lives if there's a profit in it for Them. Sadly other countries may act an leave no choice in the matter. I hope not. WOuldn't wish such things on much of nobody here, ya know?
I wish I could be more positive, I really do. “
- John
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