i need some advice

[shireen]

I'm turning 50 this year … I'm from the tail end of the boomer age range so I qualify to be here.

I'm single, live alone, no kids, no family in this country, and with chronic illness that will get worse with time. Lately, I've been worrying about the 'what if's' that could happen and the legal & logistical mess I could leave behind. I know I need to do stuff like living wills, medical directives, etc.. But I also want to minimize the amount of work that friends would have to do, medical decisions, stuff like selling the house, paying off debts, etc.

Basically, I want to minimize the amount of work that my friends would have to deal with if I were to die. Are these the kinds of things an estate planning lawyer would handle? Could you help me put together a comprehensive checklist of things I should do?

I'm not too knowledgeable about this legal stuff so any tips would be much appreciated! If I knew the specific questions to ask, I could do the research.

Thanks!

[Kali]

1. just saw this on the top of the latest page

I don't have much advice (and need to address all this stuff myself) but just from doing the little bit I have done for my friend (MFM) since he passed: At the very least, write down your wishes and tell somebody where that is. include bank accounts, passwords to computers, and just a basic plan of what you would prefer to happen if you become incapacitated or died unexpectedly. It would likely not be enforceable if there was conflict but if there were simple questions your friends/survivors wanted to know it could guide them.

[shireen]

2. thanks Kali

And I am very sorry for your loss. I didn't know MFM personally but was familiar with some of his posts and was sad to hear of his passing. In seeing all the discussions about him since, he seems like someone I would have loved to have as a friend. A wonderful kind soul.

[SheilaT]

3. Get all of your paperwork in order.

And yes, this is the kind of thing an estate planning lawyer would be happy to help you out with.

This isn't comprehensive but you need:
a will
a durable power of attorney for health care and other decisions. Think very carefully about who should have this, and that person may need to change over time.
Put a trusted person on your checking and savings accounts as the one who is paid on your death. There's a term for that. The bank will know what it is. Make sure that trusted person is either informed when you do that, or will find out quickly upon your death.
You may possibly want to retitle your car if you have one, and your home if you have one in a way that makes it easier to pass on. But this is something the estate planning attorney will know.
Think about what you want in terms of a funeral or burial, and make sure that those wishes will be followed. Do keep in mind that funerals are for those left behind, and if you have good friends and colleagues, they will want to memorialize you. Don't completely deny them that opportunity.
If you have any companion animals, have written instructions about them.

Again, that's not comprehensive but it's a good start. I do hope you have some good friends that can be entrusted with the information. Alternatively, you can set up everything needed through a good attorney, and make sure that once a year she rechecks with you about contact information of those who will need to be informed after your death.

And good for you for caring enough to plan ahead.

[shireen]

4. Thank you SheilaT

That is a really good checklist, I really appreciate you comments.

The thing that troubles me the most about becoming incapacitated or dropping dead is the mess that's left for people to clean up! I want to exit with as little impact as possible on others.

[SheilaT]

5. That is very considerate of you.

Especially with no family nearby.

Last May my brother-in-law died unexpectedly from a stroke at age 63. I was shocked to learn he had no will, especially as they'd both been married before. I need to get around to updating mine, which I've been slow to do. I did do an update at the time of my divorce, but I think it needs to be looked at again, especially as I moved to a different state.

[OKNancy]

6. "leaving a mess"

Shelia gave you a good list and I am going to add one more minor thing that will help whomever is left behind to take care of things....
get rid of your shit. LOL
I was responsible for cleaning up my mother-in-law's house since I was close and retired. She was a neat person, not a hoarder at all, and yet the drawers and closets and bathroom and shelves were cram-packed with junk. I filled two large trashbags with half used beauty products and that was just in one bathroom.

You have a lot of years left, so this is just a suggestion for later on.

[shireen]

7. yes! that's the worst part of it.

I don't want them going through the pain of figuring out how to take care of my things. Some of it is junk. But the significant stuff is going to be difficult for them to deal with. I've been looking around thinking of things to get rid of, and figure out instructions for stuff that were significant to me. Maybe even hire professional organizers to clear out the place.

[whathehell]

8. As my Irish grandmother used to say "God love you" -- You're sweeter and more unselfish

than I would be in your situation...I say this because, since you're living alone, without even family in the country,

you're probably not terribly happy yourself, and, given that, your concern for others is admirable.

I'm not being "patronizing", believe me -- I can relate well to your situation. Though I'm not entirely

in your place, I often feel quite 'alone", and even abandoned to an extent, because, while I do have a partner,

my parents -- who were definitely my best friends -- are now deceased, and I have few friends, a number of them lost

to geographic distance or changes in our respective mindsets and financial situations which they resent, despite

efforts on my part to be generous and giving.

I've no other living family beyond an older sister who has "disowned" me for reasons largely unknown --

she's done the same with one of her only two kids and has three failed marriages to her credit, so one can

consider the source, but it hurts nonetheless.

.Having grown up with a lot of friends and a warm, loving family, the last few years have felt pretty bleak --

At this point, it's basically me, my partner and my pets -- That's about it.

So "God love you" for your unselfishness. As lonely and unhappy as I frequently feel, I'm afraid I

don't give a fook about any "trouble" my death will cause anyone still around. I have life insurance

and a burial plot....Beyond that, they're on their own!

[shireen]

9. what about your partner and your pets?

Could your partner handle taking care of things you've left behind?
If your partner goes first, then you, do you have someone to care for your pets?

I have fish, and I worry about them being relocated to good homes. The reason I don't have dogs is because I don't have anyone who could care for them if I went first.

These things are important, we should all be thinking about what impact our deaths would have on the people we care about.

[whathehell]

10. It's all under control..

and Shireen, you're not even 50, so unless you have a serious illness which threatens to shorten your life,

I'd suggest you relax a bit as it's really quite early to be so worried about this sort of thing.

[shireen]

11. unfortunately,

i have lupus. It's an unpredictable disease so i don't know what the future holds.

[whathehell]

12. I'm sorry to hear that, Shireen,

and again, I commend you on your thoughtfulness.