Continuing Care Retirement communities, senior residences - - what do you think?

[Peregrine Took]

We are in our early 80's - active (still jog everyday), -have a big city condo, (1800 sq ft) to care for. Most people our age that we know have sold off their home and have moved to assisted living or a full CCRC (above.)

I used to take comfort in that we were still so independent but as I get older now I'm a little jealous of those who just go down to the dining room for their meals, have housekeeping service, bus transportation outside the door, have a nurse on the premises, movies and group activities etc.

Frankly, there are other things we'd like to fill up our remaining time other than shopping, cleaning, cooking, dish doing, and all such as time to read, do outdoor exercise, painting, writing, etc and meeting people. Yes, we are grateful we are able to do all that stuff, but, on the other hand, we are pretty isolated in our walk up building with its other owners 50 years younger than us and would like to meet new people and make new friends which isn't easy at our age where our old friends have moved or died.

In terms of money we have our SS and pensions and some stock but no way could we afford most CCRC's where you plop down half a million for 2 (or more) just to buy in plus my friend who how lives in one says there are 1000 names on the waiting list. She loves the security of her CCRC in that no matter what happens to her or her husband they will always have a place that will take care of them. That is security that I wish we had.

What are other active, early 80's people on DU doing in terms of living arrangements? Just curious.

Thanks very much.

[ms liberty]

1. Marking. I have a MiL that might benefit from a community like that.

I'm interested to see what other DU'ers might have to say about them. She is 78, is too isolated and I think it's not good for her.

[Joinfortmill]

2. Well, I'm 75, divorced, and still living independently. However, I did sell my condo and I now rent a small apartment..

near my daughter and her family. When I was first retired, I lived in a 55 and older condominium community. I liked it a lot. I'm very introverted, but I do like to be with people some of the time, so this worked for me, because there was always something going on. and I could be as involved as I liked.

Now that I'm 75, I'm beginning to think about a time when I might not be as independent as I am now. I keep fit with regular aerobic exercise, but still, I've had a couple of health issues, and I am definitely slowing down.-

If you can afford it, it sounds like a continuing care community might be for you both. My daughter's mother-in-law lived in one until she passed away. I think she enjoyed it very much. Once you verify that it's financially stable and has a good reputation, the most important issue, in my opinion, is the cost. It's expensive (peruse the fine print carefully). If after your research, you like a particular community, I'd go for it. Best of luck.

[snowybirdie]

3. In another life

I studied them for my employer. My main concern was financial. CCRCs promise a lot to residents and there are many that are beautiful. However, if they run out of funds for any reason, they can't maintain the same level of amenities and care. They even can close. I know if I plunked down a great deal of money, I would want all that was promised. And if I'd given them most of my money, where would I go when very vulnerable? Check out the experience of Friendship Village in the Chicago Suburbs. They are having a lot of financial problems. Good Luck!

[marybourg]

4. You don't say whether you have children - either nearby or far away.

But, if a CCRC is out of reach financially, why not an independent living facility? Some have assisted living attached, if one of you ever needs that. I believe there are many more independent living facilities than CCRCs and it’s a much simpler situation, although still a big move.

I, too, am in my early 80’s and if I could go to an independent living facility - I can’t because of multiple autoimmune food intolerances - I would choose one of the many beautiful, but expensive, ones in my area (Phoenix metro). If my children weren’t nearby, I would choose one near them.

[eppur_se_muova]

5. My aunt and uncle tried two other retirement homes before they found one they considered OK.

They had been cared for at home by their children who even built an annex to their house for them, but their medical problems got so bad that they needed full-time standby help WITH medical expertise. They were really disgusted with one of the homes they tried -- food was straight out of a can, and the staff were surly. They didn't take it for long, but I'm sure it was costly doing all that relocating. All I can say is "be careful", which doesn't help much.

[Tomconroy]

6. If you go to assisted living try to find one that is nonprofit.

The nonprofits are often run by churches or organizations like the masons but will often take anyone.
Most for profit assisted living places are owned now by hedge funds that relentlessly raise rents every year and charge high prices for services they determine you need. If you run out of money you will end up on the streets or at least on Medicaid and a nursing home.
Unless you can afford the continuing care facilities there aren't a lot of good choices. I suspect many will have to go the Medicaid route so it's probably wise to do some planning with an elder law attorney five years in advance, at least. Medicaid rules are complicated and vary between states.
This issue is going to hit hit the baby boom generation like a ton of bricks.
There is a continuing care facility here near New Haven called Whitney Center. People come from all over the northeast to live it it. It was founded as a retirement home for Yale faculty and is a nonprofit. Living facilities vary from studio apartment to multi bedroom apartments as large as my house. Prices vary depending on the size of the apartment. If you can afford it, it's great. It's also the facility that democrats go to. There's another luxe one in the area for Republicans. I'm not joking.

[marybourg]

7. The OP doesn't seem to need assisted living yet. Independent Living

is probably the level they’re at now.

[Tomconroy]

8. You can be one fall away from disaster. I went

through all of this with my mother.

[marybourg]

9. True, but nobody goes into assisted living before they need the assistance.

For one thing, about half the residents in assisted living have Alzheimer’s or other forms of dementia. That’s not the atmosphere the OP is talking about. Independent living, at its best is like living on a cruise ship.

[Tomconroy]

10. I think you are confused about the terms you are using.

[marybourg]

11. No, I'm not. As I said upthread, I'm in my early 80's

as are all my friends and neighbors in my 55+ retirement community and am very much current with the facts and issues. People who you would think should be in skilled nursing or memory care are staying in assisted living, sometimes with extra help, because it is cheaper ( for those who are self-pay) and pleasanter than skilled nursing or memory care. A friend who is in a lower-end Independent Living facility says that a goodly number of residents even in *her* facility should really be in memory care. There is a kind of placement deflation going on because of high costs and general dread of skilled nursing homes.

[Tomconroy]

12. I'm not going to argue with you.

Perhaps the term 'assisted living' has a different meaning where you live than it does in CT.

[yardwork]

15. Your description matches my experience with my mom.

She lived in independent living apartments until she needed assisted living.

The problem we experienced was that the transition can be rocky. My mom needed care that the independent living place didn't provide, but she didn't want to admit this to herself or others. She finally had to move to assisted living, where her health actually improved for a while, due to the medication oversight, ensuring she had regular meals, etc.

[marybourg]

16. Yes, that the usual path. Assisted living is not for the well.

Your mother’s experience is very common. Most of us don’t want to give up our independence. Glad things worked out for her.

[yardwork]

18. It worked fairly well. COVID caused isolation and issues

My mom passed away in 2022, after being in assisted living for about three years. When she moved in she was one of the more mobile, cognitively functioning residents. When she passed she was pretty deep into dementia. It was not perfect but I was grateful that she had the 24/7 care.

There really are no perfect solutions. My spouse and I are in our mid/late 60s, looking ahead...

[anciano]

13. This wouldn't work for everyone....

but I'm 76, retired and divorced, finally got tired of trying to maintain my own apartment and cook for one person, so I made an arrangement with my son and DIL to rent a house together. They had been wanting a larger place so it has been a win-win for everyone. I have my own room and personal space, share the large common areas with them, pay less rent than before, and they are there for me if I have an emergency. So I am very thankful that this was an option for me.
Best wishes to you for finding what will be workable, comfortable and satisfactory.

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

14. I am 75 years old, still living on my own, and in excellent health.

But I am very much looking forward to moving into independent/assisted living. I don't want to do home maintenance. I'd like to have some of my meals prepared by others. I'd like to know that if I die in my place, my body won't go undiscovered until neighbors complain about the smell. Plus, I'd love to have the social advantages of such a place.

Starting about two years ago, my sister and I spent well over a year getting our older brother (who will be 81 next month) and his wife out of the home they'd lived in for 40 years at that point, and into assisted living. Neither one had driven for some years. They were dependent of friends to drive them to doctor appointments or the grocery store or to have food delivered. They should have looked into assisted living years earlier.

Anyway, my sister and I, over the course of three different trips (I live in Santa Fe, sister is in Kansas) drove to the DC area where they lived. Looked at assisted living places. Contacted people who could clear out their home. They are both hoarders, so there was A LOT to clear out. Long story short, we found a good place for them, got them moved. Sadly, sister-in-law died about six months after the move, but brother is quite well established in that place and really likes it.

I get so frustrated and angry at people who insist on living in their home when they really can no longer take care of themselves, and have the funds to go into some kind of independent/assisted living place.

The main reason I haven't moved myself into one of them is that I'm waiting for My Son The Astronomer to finish his degree and get a permanent job somewhere. He's in Fairfax, VA, at George Mason University right now. He's still far enough away from getting his PhD that he's not yet seriously looking at jobs. However, his research is in exo-planets, which is THE hot topic in astronomy these days, with many, many, many jobs out there. I would love it if he wound up reasonably near me, meaning New Mexico, Arizona, or Colorado. But who knows? When he is settled in somewhere, I will then look at assisted/independent living places somewhere near him.

At this point in my life, at age 75, there are increasing restrictions on what I can do. I can tell my driving skills aren't as good as when I was much younger. I really hate driving at night. I can't lift heavy things, but it's easy for me to ask for help. I appreciate it very much that young people are good at helping me. It's harder to crouch down low to take things out of the lower shelves of the cupboard. Stuff like that.

A CCRC seems like an excellent choice. I will look into that when I'm closer to leaving this home. Depending on the up-front cost, perhaps the sale of my home will finance that. Otherwise, a more traditional independent/assisted living place will probably happen.

[yardwork]

17. My MIL, who is 89, is moving to a senior apartment complex near us.

It's a new apartment building designed and reserved for people 55 and older, with elevators, a pool, exercise room, yoga classes, etc. they don't provide meals or transportation, but they have a concierge desk that can arrange for Lyft and add the costs to the monthly rent bill.

There's no buy-in fee, just an annual lease with monthly rent, like a regular apartment. It's far less expensive than the CCRCs and independent living complexes in our area. The independent living places offer meals and an activity van, but beyond that, no medical or nursing care or any assistance.

While you're thinking about where you might move, consider finding a reputable home health agency and hire aides to come into your home. They can shop, cook, clean house, run errands, and do lots of other things so that you have more time to do what you enjoy. You can hire people to drive you places, or use Lyft or Uber. Also, check into your local Aging services. There may be vans and other services that are free for seniors in your community. These might be an affordable ways to stay where you are for a while.