Anyone else dealing with issues of aging + frailty?

[ellenrr]

I walk with a cane due to a torn meniscus in my knee.
Hopefully my disability is temporary.
I'm 67 and this situation has really brought to the fore of my consciousness issues of aging + frailty.
Prior, I did not see myself as "older".
I never denied my age, but it was "so what?"
I was healthy, I walked a LOT, now I can only do necessary walking.
I feel like having the cane in particular earmarks me as a "senior" and a "disabled senior" to boot.
I really appreciate that there are kind people who offer to help me, and I'm always gracious toward these offers.
But frankly, I don't want any offers of help. I want to be better!

I'm feeling sorry for myself. I was improving. Then I overdid it, and set myself back. How I set myself back - I was at a park with a beautiful garden.
I walked a LOT. I "forgot" that I'm not supposed to do any extraneous walking. I think I just wanted to feel normal. Now I'm paying the price.

I'm trying not to invite you to a pity-party, but would love to hear from others in similar situation. To support each other or to commiserate.

[elleng]

1. HI, ellenrr, think we're related???

Similar to you, but 'older,' by 2 years.

Balance (and maybe vision) problems, so will have cataract surgery (when I get my act together,) and hope I can avoid surgical treatment for hydrocephalus ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hydrocephalus ) which I think I've had symptoms of for YEARS. Walking is my only exercise, and balance is IMPORTANT. Do use a 4-pronged walking stick on uneven ground.

I don't like it when people 'ma'am' me, tho I do understand they're largely being kind. I have 2 new grandsons, one lives nearby, and I hope to help my daughter at home after baby's Dad returns to work next week. Don't want to drive north to see 'other' grandson until after cataract surgery, and hope I don't wait too long with it, but NOT looking forward to dealing with it.

Dad lived until he was 98, so that suggests I may have many years ahead, so I want them to be worth something. WISH I hadn't retired (in '06,) wasn't in my 'plan,' but 'circumstances' intervened. I can pretty easily afford to live more years, and hope, as I've said, doing so is worthy.

Do take care of yourself now.

So, I'm with you.

[NYC_SKP]

2. Oh, my Dear Ellenrr!

I'm ten years your junior but I have been seeing a few of these things, and it seems like just a few years ago that my own parents were losing the battle against aging.

I walk a lot, hoping the more I walk the longer I'll be able to.

I have no words except that it's the equalizer among humankind, we're all headed in the same direction.

May I offer a hug?

[enough]

3. I have had arthroscopic surgery for torn meniscus in both knees. (Not both at once.)

That was several years ago. Mobility fully restored, and more active now at 70 than I was earlier in life.

But I do remember how those injuries seemed like a watershed where I started to see old age looming. I really got serious about physical conditioning after that experience.


Hope you get the treatment you need and keep after the PT. This does not have to be the beginning of the end.

[Nay]

29. May I ask how long it took you to recover from each surgery? I am in line to

have the same surgery and would like to know about your experience. Thanks.

[ellenrr]

4. thanks all,

yes, NYC, hugs accepted.
more hugs needed.
I have always heard that walking is great exercise, and I am sure the more active one is, the better.

Ellen G-I know what you mean about cataract surgery - I haven't been there, but almost all of us will need it. And even tho it is common and "routine" it is scary. at least to me.

I also wish I hadn't retired. I liked working I was a teacher of Adult Education. I could do it again, even volunteer would be better than not working but I gotta get it together to do that.
yes making this last third or 4th or whatever it is of life - making it worthy is a challenge.
I know many retirees who are happy to live the live of a retired person who isn't doing much, that is not what I want.

enough -wonderful that you are more fit now than ever. I have a friend in her '70's who goes on hikes in Europe. wonderful.

[NYC_SKP]

5. Regarding things to do post-retirement...

First, another hug:

Like you, I hope I never retire, I love what I do but it might get too hard to do it well and for full-time pay.

Just by chance, one day this spring I was strolling through a park near my new home, a park next to where my great aunt and great uncle lived, and I struck up a conversation with some conservation corps workers.

They said that since I had family roots in the town that I might drop by that evening for the Lions meeting.

I decided to do that and met up with my great uncle's former partner in dentistry many moon's ago. They invited me to become a Lion.

Delightful people, good works, great meetings!

I'm on the education committee and the environmental committee.

We work with kids and do a few beach clean ups every year.

I love it, maybe you would too-- there are plenty of things that don't require super mobility or strenght.

[elleng]

6. Great to hear of the work you're doing, SKP!

[ellenrr]

11. super! We must have meaningful things to do, or we just wait to die...

Esp. now when people retire around 60-65 (altho due to the economy more people are working longer)
and many are now living a healthy life til their 80's or 90's or beyond.

that's a lot of years to fill up with bingo.

[No Vested Interest]

18. Meaningful things to do, or bingo?

About 10 yrs ago I was working with a psychologist in preparation for my knee replacement surgeries.
The psychologist had me draw up a personal mission statement.
It was to be similar to a mission statement an organization prepares, but personal to me.

It turned out to be one of the most beneficial exercises I had ever done.

In the mission statement I, in effect, identified my own life purpose and several means to that end.
My mission statement was not so much different than most here, especially in this particular group, would prepare.

The importance of it, for me, was in focusing and identifying, and by inference, committing to the goals I set on paper.

I do recommend this exercise for those of you that feel you're just drifting along, and haven't identified where you are at this stage of life and where you want to be.

[mopinko]

7. boy howdy.

hoping for a divorce for my 60th birthday.
i love my farm. i hope to do it forever. but i never planned to do it alone.
just had carpal tunnel surgery, and tried to line up help. sheesh.
my kids have been complete jerks.

i could take the money, and retire anywhere. or i can keep my farm.
i feel like this is the right thing for me to do, but have battled illness in general this spring, and realize how fast the whole thing can go bad.

i am mostly healthy and strong. i had a bad right arm the whole time i had this farm. but i accomplished a shitload anyway.
but how long will i get to enjoy all this??
a broken bone, and how much does it cost me?
will me gallbladder wait till winter?

oh for a crystal ball.


for you

[ellenrr]

12. oh, mopinko, thanks for the group hugs :)

yes it can go bad quickly, and everything can change in a New York minute.
so we better be conscious of what we have while we have it. good luck with the farm. and yr gall bladder.

[justhanginon]

8. Hi ellenrr. Ain't it fun?

I'm 10 years past you and know whereof you speak. I'm at the age when I get up in the morning I wonder what the hell is going to hurt today.
I have had asthma all my life and about a year and a half ago it turned into COPD. Two years ago I was alternately riding my bike and walking every morning. Now PFFFTTT. Run out of breath pretty quick. I always enjoyed gardening and building stuff but now I am good for about a half hour and then I have to quit. It is hard enough getting older and trying to adapt to that and then coping with the COPD , let me tell you I get so frustrated at times I am starting to make up my own curse words.
I think that the hardest part for me is just accepting the fact that I cannot do some of the things I used to and that is the normal progression of life. I also love to cook and bake so I am doing more of that for friends and also trying to pace my outdoor activities a little better. I have found that it helps me to just laugh at some of stuff that I still try to do and that helps keep me semi sane.
As one of my friends said to me the other day, dude, we're approaching 80. We may actually be getting old.
Nahhhh! Just a number. Now let's see, where did I put that inhaler.
Keep a good attitude and do the work arounds and if you can, keep a smile just for yourself and every once in a while treat yourself to one of those pity parties. By God at this point we've earned it. But just once in a while.

[ellenrr]

13. yeah, accepting limits...

that's the hard part. I was telling a friend last night about my exceeding my walking limit, and paying for it. And she was working with some others in a co-op, lifting packages and she didn't want to appear "weak", so she lifted a box too heavy for her.

She didn't want to acknowledge limitations.

My father is 94 and he doesn't want to accept his limits either.

but in a way I think it is good we fight and do not "go quietly"
Shows we have spirit, and even anger at our situation can be beneficial. It can energize us. As long as we don't go overboard. Like with the self-pity.

balance.

[mopinko]

16. i dont know my limitations, at all

never did. i used to say- i always bite off more than i can chew. but at least i always have something to chew on.
i mean, i have 5 kids!

[No Vested Interest]

9. Definitely aging but not particularly frail.

In our fifties, with kids pretty well independent, spouse and I enjoyed walking. - Belonged to Volksmarch and did them locally and in various parts of the country, even Hawaii. Loved it - you see the world from a different perspective when walking than what you see while riding. We also enjoyed a local walking club that had Sunday walks in various parts of our beautiful city; those walks were about 5k.

Spouse retired early with a good buyout and I followed two yrs later, following the death of a close friend, run down while crossing a busy street. We were still young enough to be active - volunteered in various special events and as ushers at touring Broadway plays. Took cruises and vacations, and I began working on health, diet and fitness. Also took noncredit classes and a few Elderhostel courses. Spouse began to exhibit signs of depressive illness- bad enough that he would take to his bed, not eat or care for himself. Meds didn't help and he had to go to assisted living until his brain righted itself after several months. This routine repeated itself a number of times, but when he was feeling well, we traveled and enjoyed life fairly well.

During that time, my knees had gone bad and replacements were in order, but before that could happen, the heart needed stents, eventually two procedures and five stents total. Meantime, spouse's situation worsened, complicated by a broken hip which didn't mend well and affected his mobility, as the leg attached to the broken hip shortened and a cane, later a walker were required. We were in our late sixties.

Spouse was diagnosed with a brain disorder that affected his personality and demeanor and following hip surgery never recovered enough to come home permanently. I spent most dinner times and evenings with him at the nursing facility. Spouse died after six yrs. in nursing care.

Now widowed, my knees went bad and I won't consider redo surgery. I sometimes use his cane, and eyes will be needing cataract surgery, likely this fall. I'm still in a one-floor house, which works well, though I have no need for the yard. I don't volunteer much any more, except for one club I've been in for 50+ yrs. I don'' accomplish much most days, but don't beat myself up over it. My mission in life is offering support to my children (no grandkids), and try to not be a burden to them.

So that's aging for me. Memory good in some areas, but not with names. DU is good for me - helps me get my thoughts in order and expressed in a concise, sensible manner. I can't complain. Life is mostly good, and I just move past the rest. (Sorry this went too long.)

[ellenrr]

14. Hey, not too long at all.

Sorry you lost your husband.
You have a good attitude. Sounds like you are coming to terms with your situation.

I have a tendency to get stuck in the bad and not "move on".
It's really helpful for me to share.
Since this leg condition, I've gotten closer to several of my friends. I make sure not to wear them down with complaining. But I find people (most) can sustain a lot and be more supportive than I used to think.
It's always been hard for me to ask for help and over the past 5 months I've had to.

I've been pleasantly surprised in most cases.
Also the kindness of strangers. When I first got afflicted I was in a supermarket in a motorized chair. As I waited at check-out, the woman ahead of me (who happened to be a Muslim) asked me if I would like her son (about 7) to place my groceries in the conveyor. I thanked her. Then when I was done she told her son to ask me if I would like him to help me put groceries in the car. I gratefully accepted. That boy is going to grow up to be a fine person.

Also so helpful to share here. I'm glad I reached out. I always learn from others' perspectives. And just being heard and sympathized with is comforting.

[No Vested Interest]

21. DUers are very supportive of personal problems as well as

successes.
When you consider that they don't really know the individuals to whom they're responding, it's all the more generous.

You will do well. The body adjusts and we adjust. Most people are good, if we give them a chance.
Peace.

[SheilaT]

27. Far be it from me to tell you what to do,

but perhaps you should reconsider the knee re-do. Especially if they get worse. I believe the surgery has improved since when you would have last had it done, and I also believe that knee and hip replacements have a definite life span. Not sure exactly what the consequences are at the end of that replacement life span, but my guess is that it just deteriorates, causing more pain and such.

Meanwhile, it seems as if you're taking your aging "gracefully", which I'm putting in quotes because I'm not sure that's ever a good word to use. Me, I'm 66, no health issues, cataract surgery two years ago, and even though I can tell I'm not in my twenties any more, so far so good.

[No Vested Interest]

28. I tell my "younger" friends" - the 60's are good years.

Bodies are usually healthy and strong enough to get around.
Children have matured and left home, and those responsibilities are past.
Carpe diem!

[SheilaT]

10. I'll be 66 in a couple more weeks,

and while I'm certainly not quite as spry as I once was, I'm in remarkably good shape for someone who almost never exercises. I can still do a head stand if I want.

Can't the torn meniscus be treated surgically?

I also want to say that cataracts were the best things that ever happened to my eyes. In first grade I couldn't see the blackboard, even from the front row. Ever since then I've worn glasses or contact lenses. Until two years ago when the cataracts that had been slowly growing for ten years suddenly made the jump to needing surgery. Hoo boy! I see better than ever and it is so amazing to wake up in the morning and to be able to see!

I do have plans for my 97th birthday. There's a total eclipse of the sun on August 12, 2045 that I want to see, and I've already made my sons promise that if I'm still around, and I'm not so ga-ga I don't know my own name, they need to make sure I get somewhere along the path of totality.

While physical condition certainly matters a lot, I think mental attitude can be just as important. If people start thinking of themselves as "old" they will get that way a lot quicker, everything else being equal, than someone who doesn't think that way. But it is important to pay attention to your body. Please, ellenrr, try not ever again to "forget" you shouldn't be doing extraneous walking. At least not until you are fully healed.

[ellenrr]

15. Sheila T, remind me in 2045, and I'll celebrate yr birthday with you!

yes meniscus can be treated surgically. That will be the option if physical therapy doesn't work.

interesting what you say about cataract surgery. I have not needed it yet, but I never thot there were any benefits to it. My friend who is 86 is trying to ignore the fact that she needs the surgery. I will tell her what you said. Maybe it will motivate her.

yes I agree about mental attitude. That is why I must get back to doing Kundalini Yoga. So good for my head. (and body). It would speed my healing.

here's wishing everyone health and agility for many years.

[SheilaT]

17. More about cataracts and the surgery.

What it does to your vision should absolutely not be affecting your balance. That would be other issues entirely. They just cause your vision to get worse and worse until eventually you are totally blind.

Two years ago, at the age of 63, I was always by a decade or two the youngest person in the waiting room when doing the testing before the surgery, or waiting for the actual surgery itself. A lot of people ten plus years older remembered when the generation ahead of them had the surgery and it was a bigger deal, involved more recovery time, and the cataracts could grow back. Today the techniques are vastly more sophisticated. You're in and out in a couple of hours. Initially your vision may be a little blurry immediately after the surgery, possibly as long as 48 hours, and then it's completely clear. Over the next couple of months it will continue to improve slightly. Here's the real bonus: I got back my night vision, which had been slowly deteriorating long before cataracts.

If we're still on DU I will be telling everyone here about that eclipse, trust me. I frequently bring it up, and often get quite strange looks from everyone. But there's been this interesting mental benefit. I always used to think I'd probably live into my early 80's, because that's about how long all my aunts and uncles lived, as well as one grandparent. Then it occurred to me that I'm the beneficiary of a vastly improved health system, plus I never smoked with every single one of my aunts and uncles did. So I figured I'd make it into my late 80's, early 90's. Then I discovered that eclipse. All of a sudden my sense of how long a future I have in front of me is as vast as it felt thirty years ago.

And, since 2045 is rather a ways away, you can possibly plan on seeing the one that will occur August 21, 2017. Here's a link to the NASA website about it: http://eclipse.gsfc.nasa.gov/SEgoogle/SEgoogle2001/SE2017Aug21Tgoogle.html

My son in Portland knows I'll be visiting him that week.

[RebelOne]

19. I had cataract surgery in March on both eyes.

The strange thing is that I used to be near-sighted, but now I need reading glasses to see up close. My eye surgeon said that is common.

[SheilaT]

20. Yes. You should have been given several choices

about what sort of lenses would be implanted. I'd gotten used to using reading glasses, so I opted for a standard distance correction that requires reading glasses. I use slightly stronger ones to do my embroidery now.

Formerly I preferred to do embroidery in the mornings, before I put in the contacts, because my close up vision was still excellent. I've gotten totally used to it by now, and the joy of being able to see all the time is worth the loss of the close vision. Plus, there's never as much concern about struggling to get the contacts in when I haven't had enough sleep the night before.

[Crewleader]

22. Hi ellenrr

Last edited Thu Aug 14, 2014, 11:24 AM - Edit history (1)

I had a torn meniscus in my left knee in 2012 and had the scope surgery and it helped. But with the same knee I had a acl replacement with a donors' ligament in 1995. My knee doctor told me I would need knee replacement after seeing the inside during the 2012 scope surgery. Not looking forward to it, but will try to put it off has much has I can since I'm only 60.

I had other stuff go wrong like my eyesight with two different cataracts, a very aggressive one that took my sight quickly has you all know. I am so grateful for the toric lenses, and to my eye surgeon and eye doctor which has made my quality of life so much better.

All of my issues have not been caused just by aging but by my Hashimoto's Disease.

I take one day at time and I am very grateful to God. I always find such comfort with prayers, raised Catholic.

And having friends here, like you said, to support each other.

Hope you will be feeling better soon ...

[ellenrr]

23. thank you crewleader. good luck with your knee. when the time comes. nt

[ReRe]

24. Hi ellenrr

I'm not there yet (physically), but I have had to come to terms with my aging issues. Asthma & allergies plague this old body. I wanted to mention that it sounds like you might be suited for one of those hover-round wheel chairs. Ask your Doctor if Medicare will pay for one and if so where to order it. If you don't want to go the Medicare route, are you near a Senior Center? You might luck out and be able to "borrow" a hover-round wheel chair from them. And if they don't, maybe they will be able to refer you to some other agency who might have one available. Just brainstorming. Keep your chin up and take care.

[ellenrr]

25. thank you rere

I have thot of that, have never got around to looking into it.

related: yesterday I was in K-Mart and it was a bad day for my knee, so I used their motorized chair/cart. It really is wonderful they have these things bec. otherwise I could not have got around the huge store.

but I'm not too good at navigating, kept running into displays.
but didn't hit any person, so that's ok.

thanks for your idea.

[ReRe]

26. Yeah, I started using those motor carts too...

... in the past year. You'll get used to them. I now tool around without running into anyone or anything and have even learned how to make a u-turn in narrow isles!

Remember to ask your Dr about the hover-round. I have a friend that uses one and she gets around everywhere in it & even still drives. Has a little rack on the back of her vehicle that is very easy to use. You do have to have a ramp built, if you live in your own home.