I put both parents in a home on Tuesday, long overdue.

[NYC_SKP]

Ask me anything, but don't expect an answer until Saturday, prolly.

I'm understandably beat.

If any of you are facing similarly hard decisions for the older folks, maybe I can provide some insight or comfort.

Be well.

NYC_SKP

[sinkingfeeling]

1. What king of a 'home'? Senior? Assisted Living? Hospice?

[NYC_SKP]

2. It would be called an assisted living facility..

With an expertise in dementia, though not all residents suffer from the condition.

Both my parents do, to differing degrees.

They have a room with large walk in closet and their own bathroom, but both are incontinent.

They can feed themselves, however, and under medication are reasonable conversational, though moody.

[sinkingfeeling]

3. My mom went from hospice to an assisted living home over 2 years ago. She will soon

turn 93. She's blind and can barely walk. Her mind is as sharp as a tack. She hates her very existence and keeps saying she doesn't want to turn 93.

[glinda]

4. Hospice to Assisted Living? It usually is the other way around.

How did that happen? Sounds like she has depression and may need to have people try to cheer her up and get her involved in things although I know that does not always work.
My mom was in Hospice a few months back and died. I moved my dad into Assisted Living because he was not eating, was frail, etc.... so we sold his house and there he sits in an efficiency with a nice view and close access to his car and good cooked meals. He is starting to have memory issues so am hoping the better nutrition will keep him going a bit longer.

[sinkingfeeling]

5. My mom was supposed to die in hospice, but recovered. It's very hard for the aides to

involve Mom when she can't see or walk. I think she's extremely realistic. She says she's spending money on her care that she would rather have go to us 'kids'. She keeps saying that since her own mother passed away just shy of 93, it should be her time to go. She knows she's not going to get back her ability to see nor walk. She doesn't like her existence.

[glinda]

6. Exactly the thoughts my mother had before she left us....

But today, children cannot expect any inheritance unless their families have some money. None. Nada. And the parent(s) feel guilty because they may have to use it and they feel they have worked their whole lives to provide for their children. In our case, at least my father has some money in the bank to help for 1-3 years depending.
I wish you strength in this time. It is indeed very hard.

[Darren45]

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