More Funny Stuff!

[CaliforniaPeggy]

I’m on two diets. I wasn’t getting enough food on one.

A cold seat in a public restroom is unpleasant. A warm seat in a public restroom is worse.

Apparently RSVP’ing to a wedding invitation “Maybe next time,” isn’t the correct response.

Have you ever listened to someone for a minute and thought, “Their cornbread isn't done in the middle.”

Aliens probably fly by earth and lock their doors.

“You will hit every cone on the highway before I let you merge in front of me because you saw that sign 2 miles ago like I did!"

I really don’t mind getting older, but my body is taking it badly.

It turns out that being an adult now is mostly just googling how to do stuff.

I miss the 90’s when bread was still good for you and no one knew what kale was.

I want to be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Tuesday.

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.

I picked up a hitchhiker. He asked if I wasn’t afraid, he might be a serial killer? I told him the odds of two serial killers being in the same car were extremely unlikely.

I went line dancing last night. OK, it was a roadside sobriety test... same thing.

[Ka-Dinh Oy]

1. OK, you have me laughing.

[left-of-center2012]

2. Love 'em

Stealing 'em

[scarletwoman]

3. "I really don't mind getting older, but my body is taking it badly."

Exactly!

Thanks for the funny stuff!

[Aussie105]

4. No No No!

Some bits still work well.

Update this post once I work out which bits . . . my mind isn't what it used to be.

I carry my driver's license just so I can check what my name and address is. Can't be too presumptuous these days.

My car's remote works at greater than 90 feet. Just as well, helps me to find my car in the crowded car parks.
Does someone move it when I'm not watching?

My dentist tells me I don't have many teeth left to pull. I was wondering why eating steak took me so long.

My current food groups are: liquid, soft stuff, and stuff that doesn't upset my intestines. That range is narrowing.

I used to plan trips based on fuel stops. Now, toilet stops have taken over in importance.

When you get old, loosing weight becomes easy. But you wonder if it is fat disappearing, or decreasing muscle and bone density.

Mustn't complain. No one listens anyway.

[Karadeniz]

5. I love these... Thanks!

[Soxfan58]

6. Laughing my ass off

Thanks for starting my day with a chuckle.

[HarvestMoon]

7. Oh, these are great

Cup of strong Joe and a laugh to start off my morning. It's gonna be a great day.
This one got me..."I want to be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas".
And NO, I don't want to be that age again. But that was funny!
Thanks for posting CP!

[Wicked Blue]

8. Thank you!

I really needed some laughs today.

[Martin Eden]

9. Some really good ones in there!

Thanks for sharing. 😂

[trof]

10. Next time you're waiting to see your doctor...

and you're in the examination room, and he/she knocks on the door to come in?
Say "Who is it?"


I think you can tell your age by the number of specialists you have.
It's like counting the rings on a tree.