The staggering, exhausting, invisible costs of caring for America's elderly

[babylonsister]

Sobering read.


The staggering, exhausting, invisible costs of caring for America’s elderly
As millions “age in place,” millions more must figure out how to provide their loved ones with increasingly complex care.
By Anne Helen Petersen Aug 26, 2021, 8:00am EDT


When Laura sent me an email in early August, the first thing she did was apologize. “Please excuse how inelegant and disjointed this will be,” she wrote. “It matches my brain after being a caregiver since 2013.”

In 2013, Laura was several decades into a career as a marketing consultant. Her work was rewarding and challenging; she felt like she got to be creative every day and was never bored. She had gone freelance in the early 2000s and reveled in the freedom of being her own boss. Then her 78-year-old mom began experiencing severe back pain. She was scheduled for surgery, but the symptoms only worsened after the procedure. She was soon rushed back to the hospital following the collapse of her spinal cord. After emergency surgery, her pain lessened, at least somewhat, but then Laura was left to deal with her mom’s quickly accelerating dementia. “She went from normal cognition to thinking it was her wedding day and that I was her mother,” Laura told me. “She didn’t know how to walk, and didn’t remember what had happened to her.”

According to elder care experts, Laura’s description of what happened to her mom is pretty common. As someone ages, their health appears to gradually deteriorate in a way that doesn’t seem alarming. Most of the time, though, they’re inching toward a cliff — and when they fall off, they find themselves on another health cliff, and another, and another. With each cliff, it gets more difficult for a family member to catch them.

more...

https://www.vox.com/the-goods/22639674/elder-care-family-costs-nursing-home-health-care

[FalloutShelter]

1. I went through this with Mom, Dad, and Mother in-law-over seven years.

All were deteriorating more or less at the same time. My husband and I lived between 2 and 4 hours away from the folks. Every weekend for seven years and many weeks in between, we traveled to take care of and oversee their care, once they had been placed in, hospital, rehab, nursing home, home care, and finally hospice. It was incredibly draining and, at times, punishing on our careers and our marriage. Thank god they had some savings because the nursing costs ran into hundreds of thousands of dollars. Over three months in late 2017, we had four funerals: my MIL, my Mom, Mt brother'dsMIL, and FIL.

We felt that we had just gotten our feet under us again when COVID struck. I thank GOD we did not have to go through this DURING COVID. My heart goes out to everyone who has had this struggle with less support and resources.

Thanks for posting this article.

[empedocles]

2. Surgeries are expensive

My Mother was in a small, assisted living facility for well-to-do women. Most of those women were in their 90's.

Multiple surgeries were common. The surgeries, the MD visits, the tests, transportation for all this. Many $100,000s for each person, for all that. [And, their lifestyles were relatively healthier than most].

[Phoenix61]

3. Great article.

I became my mom’s care giver when my dad died. She needed full-time care so I hired an agency to provide that while I was at work. That didn’t last 3 months. Between midnight diaper changes and caregivers who forget to feed her or refused to stand her I ended up quitting my job. I was fortunate that I could do that and ensure my mom got the care she deserved. There’s no way to describe what it’s like to care for an aging parent.

[Farmer-Rick]

4. Saw this happen with my spouse

First one kidney went, then the heart, then the other kidney and finally the heart gave out altogether. I slowly watched this suffering for over 5 years. So many emergency room visits, so many surgeries. I felt like I was living on the edge of a cliff waiting for the next medical emergency, getting closer to the edge with each traumatizing medical event.

I think I may have saved my spouse's life at least 3 times. But in the end there was nothing anyone could do. You feel like a failure.

And like the other poster said, I am so, so, so grateful they weren't around when the pandemic hit. At least we were able to get out and about without the fear of a deadly disease.

The real problem with senior care is the cost of medical needs and living assistance. Take those costs out of the equation and it gets a little better. At least I was retired and we had really good health insurance.

But don't count on long term care insurance. My mother outlived her long term care insurance. Then we got to play the game of running down her assets so she would be eligible for Medicare nursing home care. Those insurance plans have expiration dates.

[Random Boomer]

5. The next stage of this story is who will take care of us?

I also was the caretaker for my mother after a series of mini-strokes turned her brain in Swiss Cheese. In a matter of weeks she lost the ability to write, then to read, then to even sit in front of a TV. It was incredibly stressful but she did not last very long, which was a blessing for her. If she hadn't died of another ailment, the next step would have been a nursing home, which I know she would have hated.

I, however, am childless and without any immediate family. This story will not end well.

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

6. What is most scary is how elder needs can quickly overwhelm

everyone.

I'm 73, in excellent health, but of course I won't live forever. None of us do. I have an envelope taped to my refrigerator which says For EMTS Health Care Directive which should be readily visible to any EMTs or the like if they need to haul me out of my home.

I spend a lot of time thinking about end of life stuff. I'm fortunate in that my personal financial resources will probably take care of me pretty much whatever happens. But I do hope I have some say in that stuff.

My one son is single, not at all likely to marry, and I worry a lot about his end of life situation. I have talked with him a bit about the need to plan ahead, but in the normal course of events I'll be gone several decades before he'll be thinking about such things,.