"After you, young man." Said to me upon leaving the elevator. Yeah, I'm 79 and

[3Hotdogs]

I know I look like shit, compared to what I looked like when I was 20 or whenever. Fact: Last week I came across a photo of me when I was about 3. I was a cute little dickens then but so what?

"After you, young man," after deferring to me to leave the elevator.... condescending, patronizing and rude.. He was probably in his 50's...polite and I'm sure meant to be polite. Behind it is the negative interpretation, meaning he feels his age and his body is better than my age and my body and I shouldn't feel bad about being old and looking old and to himself, "He looks like shit, poor old fuck." Or maybe he thinks I feel bad because I am not 50 and maybe I would want to be like him. I don't want to be like him.. I enjoy my life as it is and hope it stays like this for the next 25 years.

In a sense, Young man or young lady...it's a joke but with an edge.... Ha, ha, I know you look like shit and I'm addressing you as if you don't. Now don't I seem like a nice guy?

Hell. Would you address and overweight person, "After you, slim."? Or a mentally challenged person, "Here, let me help you, Einstein."?

I'm proud of having reached my age and looking forward to being 80 in October. Given my family background, I have another 25 years to go and if I don't, so what?

Then this bring me to my cardiologist..... same thing. Enters the exam room every six months, , "How are you, young man?" Thing is, he is in his 60's and looks more like shit than I do.....nearly bald and what's left is grey.

I look forward to June, when I see him again.

[dchill]

1. I know, right? How about "After you, sir."

Ah, screw it. What are we - knights of the Round Table?

[Chicago1980]

2. Next time just say "thanks pops"...

[nuxvomica]

10. No. the reply should be "Thanks, asshole."

By the same logic, that should be seen as a compliment.

[elleng]

3. I don't get the negative interpretation,

at all.

[marybourg]

5. Nor do I.

And I'm 79 also. I'm occasionally addressed as "young lady" and take it in the spirit in which was offered.

[elleng]

6. I'm 77, and must say my 'fault' is to be annoyed when people offer me assistance,

like @ grocery store parking lot! Ma'am!

[secondwind]

11. Same here. And glad of it. Not everything should be soo

negative.

[littlemissmartypants]

14. I don't either. One can see the wildflowers on the roadside or the trash.

Whatever you focus your attention on, you strengthen.

And sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar.

[marybourg]

18. " One can see the wildflowers on the roadside or the trash"

I like that. I’m going to try to remember that to respond with when I hear the all too frequent kind of negativity that surrounds us lately.

[littlemissmartypants]

19. ❤

[trof]

25. Same here.

But I don't like "80 years young" at birthday.
80 ain't young.
Period.
I'm an old man and I know it and feel it.
"You're only as old as you feel."
BULLSHIT
I feel 80.
Piss off.

[Enter stage left]

4. Thank you so much, by the way I took your daughter to dinner last night...

and afterwards we went to my place and...she is "Really good!"

[Doodley]

7. Do we have to look for things to be offended by?

[secondwind]

12. Bingo.

I have better things to occupy my mind.

[orleans]

8. i'm always amused when someone says it to me

they say it either with a happy tone and expression or a politeness. their tone isn't dripping with sarcasm when they speak those words -- and if it was i'd probably say "fuck you."

i hate the word ma'am.

[jaysunb]

9. High on my pet peeve list. Nt

[DFW]

13. Must be a cultural thing

Here in Germany, people often address men they don’t know that way, no matter what their age. It’s just a way of finding a middle ground between stiff formality and impolite informality. I’ve addressed that way by Germans for 45 years. Here, it doesn’t raise an eyebrow no matter how old you are.

[lillypaddle]

15. I get it

being called "young lady" irritates the shit outta me. Patronizing is a good word.

[KarenS]

17. LOL I get it too,,,

not sure which I find worse,,,, The 'young' part or the 'lady' part,,,,

[lillypaddle]

21. It's a tie

[Lydiarose]

24. Hated it when I WAS young

At my first job as a financial analyst in a big corporation after getting my MBA, my boss called another department to tell them he was sending over a "young lady" to pick up some paperwork. It really took me aback. I looked at all the other financial analysts, mostly male, and wondered if he would have said "I'm sending over a young lad to pick some paperwork." No, he'd have said, "I'm sending over a man." He knew "girl" was offensive but couldn't bring himself to call me a woman because I was in my 20's. Why it was necessary to identify my gender, I don't know. He could have just said I'm sending over an analyst, but maybe he felt it would be confusing on the other end when a female arrived instead of an expected male? It really bothered me, but I didn't challenge it; he was a nice guy. But I puzzled over it for some time. Now, of course, it really puzzles me but not from the gender perspective but rather the age contradiction. As the other poster said, it now feels patronizing and condescending.

[3Hotdogs]

16. Interesting - some of the Hispanic people in my area will address me and older people

as Papa or Mama, They are also usually older.

That one doesn't bother me.

[Lydiarose]

22. They usually say

Mami or Papi

[Midnight Writer]

20. When my Dad was in his eighties, he ran across a parking lot in the rain to get in a store.

A guy saw this and said "That was some impressive run, young man!"

I bet I heard this story from him a hundred times, him beaming every time about how he was so athletic he was mistaken for a young man.

[Lydiarose]

23. You're right.

I also find this comment very puzzling. I just don't get it. I don't think it's meant to be mean, or even to be funny. Maybe clever? But how? I just don't get the motivation for describing someone in a way that is the exact opposite of what they are. I get your two analogies (obesity and mentally challenged) and yet they don't quite hit the same tone; they seem derogatory. Whereas "young man" or "young lady" just makes no sense. And it seems to be said mostly by people just a bit younger, like a generation younger. I've never been called that by someone truly young like 20's - 40's. Seems to start late 50's to 60's. Maybe that was a thing for their generation. Maybe denial that they're nearing our age? JUST DON'T GET IT!

[Owl]

26. What would be an acceptable phrase?

[3Hotdogs]

27. a simple, "Good afternoon."