Weeks Best Jokes – January 27th, 2014

[Crewleader]

By John Kaiser

You don’t have to be Catholic to appreciate this one!!

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.

The store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.

The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency
open heart bypass surgery.

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the
Catholic Hospital. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard
loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to
pay for his treatment.

“Do you have health insurance?” she asked.

He replied in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.”

The nun asked, “Do you have money in the bank?”

He replied, “No money in the bank.”

Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?”
asked the irritated nun.

He said, “I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun.”

The nun became agitated and announced loudly, “Nuns are not spinsters!
Nuns are married to God.”

The patient replied, “Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law.”

http://suddenly.senior.com/weeks-best-jokes-january-27th-2014/

[No Vested Interest]

1. This RC likes it! nt

[Crewleader]

2. No Vested Interest

I read just a few days before in the Lounge,someone posted this joke and it relates to this week's joke.



THE BEFORE

An 80-year-old man hobbles into confession and says to the
priest,"Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11
grandchildren. Last night I had an affair with two 18-year-old girls. I
made love with both of them............ Twice." The priest said, "Well
my
son, when was the last time you were in confession?
"Never Father, I'm
Jewish." "Jewish! Then, why are you telling me?" asks the priest
"Telling You??
... I'm telling everybody!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[No Vested Interest]

3. Cute! Reminds me of George Burns.

Keep the jokes coming!

[Crewleader]

4. Just happen to receive this one and I'll share the chuckle

*HOLY PROSTITUTES*

A man is driving down a deserted
stretch of highway
when he notices a sign
out of the corner of his eye...
It reads:
*SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS*
*HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION*
10 MILES

He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second
thought.
Soon he sees another sign which reads:
*SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS*
*HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION*
5 MILES

Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past
a third sign saying:
*SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS*
*HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION*
NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far
side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the
door reading:
*SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS*

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a
long black habit who asks,
'What may we do for you! my son?'
He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in
possibly doing business....'
'Very well my son. Please follow me.' He is led through many winding
passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and
tells the man, 'Please knock on this door.'
He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the
door. This nun instructs, 'Please place $100 in the cup then go through the
large wooden door at the end of the hallway.'
He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the
door pulling it shut behind him.
The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another
sign:

GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY
*THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.*
SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER

[No Vested Interest]

5. Now that's a groaner.

Carry on, sir.

[Crewleader]

6. Sir~Madame...:) I love this Pope, I'm Catholic too.

Gift from God

[No Vested Interest]

7. That's why we can laugh -

Francis likely would enjoy it as well!

[Crewleader]

9. Yes he would, he's Super!

Pope Superstar

[Zorro]

8. The Priest's Missing Rooster

The priest in a small Irish village loved the rooster and ten hens he kept in the chicken coop behind the church. But one Saturday night the rooster went missing! The priest knew that cock fights went on in the village, so he decided to question his parishioners in church the next morning.

During Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?"

All the men stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?"

All the women stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?"

Half the women stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?"

Two nuns and three altar boys stood up.