I've had some time to process what happened at yesterday's Dr. appointment

[Siwsan]

Now, I have no issue with Oak Street Health, which is the clinic I use. The support staff is wonderful and up until now I had a great APN who took the time to get to know me, understand me, and treated me with respect. Unfortunately, she retired.

They assigned me to an MD. She took zero time to get to know me, beyond what's in my chart. She questioned just about everything I told her.

Then I mentioned my severe anxiety disorder. One cause is the numerous family and friend's deaths, over the past 8 years. It's now surpassed 10. I'm now living in literal fear that I'll lose my brother, who is the only other survivor in our immediate family. She said "You're seeing a counselor, aren't you? You should be over that." I'll never get over that. As to the 'white coat' anxiety - she just blew that off. I'll be bringing this up at my next therapy appointment.

Eventually she asked me if I had an advanced directive/DNR. I said yes and thought I gave them a copy, but I'll bring another. Her response was 'Because you know if something happened while you were here, I'd have no choice but to do CPR. Do you know what CPR does to an 'elderly' body??' I was practically breathless that she would say something so incredibly inappropriate to someone with a documented case of extreme anxiety.

I was so emotionally exhausted when I got home, I slept for about 3 hours. Then I did a bit of crying. This has been gnawing at me, all night.

I'm going to give her one more chance, since it's just for some lab work but she said she'd be there, and if she's still coming across in such an inappropriate manner, I'm going to ask to be reassigned, and I'll tell them exactly why. Of course,

Meanwhile, I am going to respond to their 'tell us about your visit' text, today. It will be honest and direct.

Thanks for letting me vent.

[Walleye]

1. Sounds like she is detrimental to your health, better find somebody else if possible

[Siwsan]

3. Carys kept climbing up on my lap, which is very unusual

She had to fight for room because Gryff was pretty much glued to me.

[Walleye]

4. Our kitties take care of us

[wnylib]

21. She seems to be sensitive to your feelings.

What a horrible experience.

I recently changed to a different medical practice for a similar reason. I had a good NP, but a former PA returned after finishing med school to be an MD. Before she went on to med school, she had misdiagnosed a disorder that was painfully crippling because she did not listen to symptoms and wrote off the pain as psychosomatic. When she left for med school, a new PA immediately got the diagnosis and treatment right so that I now have good mobility without pain.

I was not pleased to be assigned to her again. When she ridiculed me for wearing an N95 in the office while local covid infection levels were moderately high, I left and have never been back. Good grief! She had my medical record of comorbidities and age. Her father is a partner in the practice, so there was not much point in asking for reassignment.

I've also lost some close people in a short time. The "get over it" attitude was inexcusable. The doctor has no empathy and apparently no understanding of anxiety. Hippocrates would burn that doc's medical license, but the Marquis de Sade would be taking notes from him.

[cate94]

2. I'm sorry that happened

‘You should be over that.” I’m guessing she’s never lost anyone she loved.

[madaboutharry]

5. This is my general approach to giving people a second chance:

"When people show you who they are, believe them the first time."
- Maya Angelou

[niyad]

7. Absolutely agree!

[Siwsan]

9. This would at least give me a chance to confront her, face to face

I VERY briefly saw her at an earlier appointment and she was actually very pleasant. And at the end of this appointment she was pleasant. And they told me the other patients really like her.

However, my preference is to see a NP, APN or other auxiliary medical professional. I find them to be much more approachable and more apt to listen.

[madaboutharry]

15. That sounds fair since you have had a previous interaction that went ok.

I once told a doctor I had seen for a while that she said something to me that was downright inappropriate and she was pretty horrified that she said it and profusely apologized. So there is that.

[erronis]

35. I heartily agree with you. Almost all nurses (male/female, RN, LPN, APN, NP, etc) are more

empathetic than most doctors. It might also be that I'm a bit of a crotchety old man....

[RobinA]

56. Why Put Yourself

through confronting her? Just move on. Use that energy on something pleasant.

[niyad]

6. Hugggggggs. And vibes for a better day today. How completely inappropriate

and horrible her bhaviour was. Definitely make your feelings known.

So glad Carys and Gryff were taking care of you.

[blm]

8. 🫶🏽

[jaxexpat]

10. I'm an old white boomer guy.

I deserve every reproach by 30 somethings they can toss my way.

My experience has been that when it comes to health care, Caucasians are less empathetic and just plain dismissive to a greater extent that immigrant professionals.

Don't take any crap off them. They'll live through the adjustment just fine. And get a Puerto Rican female as your GP, or PCP as the insurers prefer to call them.

[LisaM]

53. I don't know.

I got a concussion once in a work elevator (not my fault, the elevator wasn't flush and many people had accidents in it). Anyway, they sent me off to the emergency room, and the doctor, not Caucasian, wrote down that I had come in complaining of a headache, even though she had told me earlier, in a very casual way, oh yeah, I suppose you could be worried about a brain bleed. It was a problem because this was a work accident and might not have been covered by their insurance.

[Aussie105]

11. Some medical workers have zero patience and zero empathy.

And you just found one.

Feel free to use those exact words to anyone who listens.

Your kittens love you, but I bet her cats - if any - totally hate her, so you win!

When I hurt, I look at our two dogs and think how much they rely on me, how much they love me, without questioning.

Makes the world a better place for me.

[CousinIT]

12. I would definitely let them know what you think of this doctor.

She sounds gruff, dismissive. It's not that what she says isn't factual, but she seems so detached and if she's blowing off your concerns.... NOPE.

[barbtries]

13. i had a dr like that when my daughter died.

i tried to go back to work after a month but i just could not do it, i was weeping constantly, could not think about anything else, just a wreck. i asked for disability. he told me i had to go through mental health. When i reached out to mental health, they told me my dr could have done it. he was just a heartless dick who thought i should be getting back on the horse already. after all she'd died a whole month before that. this was my daughter FFS

yes, definitely do let the institution know that your dr was an asshole to you. Her need to explain to you the effect of CPR on an aging body tells me she's got a mean streak. maybe she's burned out, but that should not be taken out on you. And obviously if a patient tells you they're suffering it's way less than helpful to say you should be over that by now. Maybe she's just a mean person in the wrong line of work.

[PatSeg]

22. And it also sounds as if the doctor

has issues with the elderly. That was so demeaning and condescending, like old people aren't really worth the time or expense. I'd be concerned that if she had to perform CPR, she might not really put too much effort into it.

[Traildogbob]

14. That is a horrible story

American health care. And THOSE are they ones many insurers only accept.
I hope you find or are assigned to better. Sending you my best vibes.

[TNNurse]

16. Her lack of empathy and reaction to your comments is unacceptable.

I would ask to see another provider. And I would tell them why.

[we can do it]

38. My thoughts exactly.

[Frances]

17. How awful!

I would ask to be reassigned
It’s possible that this MD will eventually develop communication skills, but in the meantime, I stay away from her.

[virgdem]

18. This doctor obviously forgot her oath...

First do no harm.

She lacks empathy. I would definitely ask to see another doctor. You don't deserve such emotional abuse from a doctor.

[PatSeg]

19. I had a similar experience a few years back

The doctor was so impersonal and cold that I ended up a basket case by the time I left. She just looked at her computer screen to assess who I was, never looking at me or asking me what I wanted. I changed doctors immediately. It worked out well, as the second doctor I chose was very engaging and asked a lot of questions. My son was so impressed that this doctor became their primary physician. Both he and his wife are very happy with him.

I'm pretty sure the original doctor is long gone. I got the impression from the receptionists that a lot of patients had issues with her.

Yeah, I agree with what others have suggested. Find another doctor. You deserve to be treated better than that.

[judesedit]

20. Be sure to tell them. What lousy manners. Sorry she upset you more

What I always say to that experience is...remember, half of the doctors graduated in the top half of their class, the other half of the class, the bottom. Sounds like she's a bottom. That goes for all "professionals", politicians, cops, judges, teachers, lawyers, etc.

Try to think positive thoughts. Think of beautiful places and pet those beautiful kitties. Feel better.

[macwriter]

23. You are not alone...

This happens all the time in doctors' offices. My very dearest friend died in the months before Obamacare passed. She had spent every last dime on chemo since she was uninsurable due to her cancer diagnosis (remember those days?). After going through all the private social services and religious resources for funding -- not to mention family and friends -- to stay alive, she was cut off from her doctor because she couldn't pay for treatment. She called and spoke to her doctor and started crying and his response to her pleading for treatment was "don't play the cancer card with me."

She was stopped from getting chemo and died three months later.

You know I have a theory that when you reach Medicare age it's like you have an expiration date stamped on your forehead. Practitioners barely look at you, they look at your chart and write you off like expired milk in the supermarket.

Having said all that, the good news is that there are still compassionate doctors and healthcare practitioners out there. Search for internet and talk to friends for recommendations.

Good luck and know you can always come here for support to vent.

Take care of yourself.

[yardwork]

24. This is a bad doctor. I would seek another provider.

It is completely inappropriate to tell a patient with anxiety that they "should be over that." It's against all standards of care. That comment alone is a dealbreaker.

I'm sorry you're going through this. From your posts, I know you are a wonderful advocate for animals. Be that advocate for yourself. You deserve it!

[Goddessartist]

25. She is doing you harm. Sending you lots of love

and hugs. Get someone else and have them relay to her and her superiors that she needs training in empathy, etc. It's so frustrating to have such callous people as care team members. I've had three that were horrible to me, and I let them know in no uncertain terms that it was unacceptable, and also let my therapist, primary Doctor, psychiatrist, and other of the myriad of doctors I see, know what happened. One did me major harm with my eye.

She isn't 'seeing' you.

[MLAA]

26. I'm so sorry you had such a horrible experience and hope either this Dr improves dramatically or

you find a better match. It is so hard to replace a long, good relationship with a great health professional. I had the same pcp for 35 years until he retired last year and he was one of a kind, emphasis on kind! I recently had the same DNR discussion with an ER Dr for my dear 88 year old husband. In my case I was certainly startled and taken a back but appreciated the frank discussion of the impact of CPR on someone of his age. We had never understood what would really be involved in CPR for someone with his medical history. While the DR was kind and respectful, it was still hard to hear and process the information. We had always thought resuscitate unless there was brain damage. We ultimately agreed DNR was right for him.

Sending you and your luckiest cats in the world (to have you) hugs.

[LittleGirl]

29. I'm so sorry about your experience

Today. I am sniffling from my dental cleaning appointment. New gal, didn’t want to listen from the get go. I have an abscessed gum on each side of my mouth and she was not gentle even after explaining it to her. My hubby was there with his hand on my shoulder while I sobbed in that chair. He agreed she was rude to me and we will find another hygienist somewhere else. She said to ask for someone else next time she was done with me. F her.

[Rebl2]

33. Report her

To the office manager and if they don’t seem to care I would be done with them.

[MLAA]

34. Wow, what a terrible experience!

I had to fire a hygienist last summer. Went for my cleaning and before she started I asked if she was boosted and she answered ‘I’m good’. I asked again and she said no, I’m not boosted. I told her my husband was at high risk and I couldn’t stay. I went to the office manager, explained I’d pay for the appointment but wouldn’t be staying. The officer manager understood and did not charge me. A healthcare professional who won’t do everything possible (ie a shot) to keep their patients safe is in the wrong profession.

Have you thought about telling the Dentist?

[kooth]

27. That is horrible!

What a douche she is! I hope you lay it on the line in your online response!

[Zambero]

28. "If you have a heart attack, I'll finish you off for good"

It sounds as if this physician might actually enjoy causing unnecessary distress to her patients.

[Rebl2]

32. Sure sounds like it.

[geardaddy]

30. What an awful experience

I'm sorry that that happened. This MD shouldn't be practicing medicine.

[Rebl2]

31. Please

for your health and mental health find a different doctor and tell that clinic why. You need to find a better fit for you. I have done this in the past and found better fit within the same practice. Did that with my rheumatologist back in 1989. They had a new much younger female doctor joining the practice and I jumped at the chance to switch and other doctor didn’t mind.

[vlyons]

36. One would think that med people would have more social skills

I've been dealing with ineptness myself with my recent hospital stay, their staff, and my health insurance pharmacy. I'm doing the best I can to deal with my anger about it. To calm down and just deal with the problem rationally.

I'm very sorry that you've lost so many family and friends. I'm 76 yrs and most of my family has gone beyond. Many friends too. It's the time of life when, when I'm dealing with the eventuality of my own death. We cannot know the day or hour of our death. We only know that it is an eventuality. I find peace of mind in meditation on impermanence and simply letting go of my attachments.

I hope you are able to calm yourself and find peace of mind.

[dawn5651]

37. i am so sorry you had to go thru that with a md no less.

[onecaliberal]

39. You need someone with caring and compassion to understand they are taking care of an extraordinary

human. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

[AllaN01Bear]

40. i have a np that i may have to confront.

in out and gone .

[PCIntern]

41. I am so sorry this happened...

I had an experience like that myself with a urologist, who had said the most ridiculous and inappropriate things to me similar to what happened to you, and I said to him as one clinician to another, “Who the fuck are you to talk to me like that??“ He did not respond well of course and I did not let go. I told him he was an inappropriate creep masquerading as a doctor and picked up my stuff and walked out of the room. I called someone I knew who raised money for the hospital system and he put me in touch with the chairman of the urology department, he and I had a conversation, and the next time I went to see another doctor, this fool’s photograph was gone from the waiting room wall.

Double-0 doctor: Licensed to Kill.

[Siwsan]

42. I'm still pulling myself together

I'm drafting what I'm going to write in response to their 'how was your visit' text.

She actually reminds me of the physicians I encountered while in the Navy. Trust me, that's not a compliment.

No doubt this experience will be the #1 topic at my next therapy session.

[PCIntern]

43. Horrifying.

Doctor Shithead…..

Take good care of yourself.

[Rebl2]

55. Oh my

husband was in the AF early 70’s and he was injured-tip of finger cut off while working-and they treated him, I will say not so great-am being kind, would rather use unkind words but won’t. When he threatened to go to civilian hospital after dealing with this same injury for over a year, they told him if you do we will charge you for disobeying orders not to go. He was just desperate to have this wound heal and they screwed him around. He absolutely hated his time in the military.

[marybourg]

44. I have found that all the pricks are steered to urology.

[PCIntern]

45. That's funny...

[marybourg]

46. I've had awful experiences with urologists, mine and my late spouse's,

for whom I was a caregiver eventually. All except one, who was an angel.

[ShazzieB]

47. That doctor sounds like a monster!

Sounds like you have a plan worked out, and it sounds like a good one. I'm glad you have a therapist to work through this with and your fur babies to give you love and support. Vent any time you need to, and keep us posted.

[live love laugh]

48. She's not interested in your wellbeing. She doesn't deserve another chance.

[tiredtoo]

49. Awhile back my general practioner doctor told me he is 65 years old

I told him congratulations but you cannot retire until I die. He told me about his dad, a doctor in Kansas, who at an advanced age began going to the office at 10 am to noon. He would go home and return from 3 pm to 5 pm.

[yonder]

50. If the group is decent, stay but I'd be wanting to bail on her.

That CPR crack sounded like a threat based on some sort of senior bias/prejudice.

[slightlv]

51. {{Hugs}}

You absolutely did not this unempathetic doctor! Someone needs to inform her she needs to retake her class in ethics and beside manners! At the very least, she sounds like she has no experience or reason to be interfacing with anyone over the age of 30, or with anyone facing anything worse than a hangnail! Honestly!

I've met more than my share of doctors like this... which is why I searched out my old doc when she moved from my little town the big city and got back into her care. I hate having to drive so far to see her, but at least one of my 3x yearly visits can be done via telemed.

My twin babies, Bootsy and Bandit, have appointed themselves my nursemaids. I've had a very rough month with my fibromyalgia, and they've not left my side... whether that be in bed or at my desk. Let Gryff and Carys soothe you all they want. They've already decided that's their job, bless their hearts! Your babies know what you need. And they're there to give you all the unconditional love you can handle.

I don't know if I'd be as "fair" as you to give this doc another chance to redeem herself. I'd probably write her off. Hopefully she was just having a bad day. But good on you for letting the administration know and not just swallowing it all and crushing it all down inside yourself. You did good!

[thatcrowwoman]

52. Oh, Siwsan, that really stinks.

No way do you deserve to be treated with such callous disrespect.

I am so impressed with the way you are dealing with this. You’re using your skills and experience and standing up for yourself, with the loving support of your blessed and blessing cats, and your many DU friends and fans.
💫🕊thatcrowwoman

[LisaM]

54. That's terrible.

I'm sorry she unnecessarily stressed you, but I am glad the cats caught on.