Today was one shitty day.

[Hoppy]

Joyce died in June. We were together for 23 years. Her daughter came today to clean out her stuff -- clothing, jewelry toiletries and so forth. Daughter had been putting it off for the same reason I didn't look forward to it. Watching her stuff disappear.

Her daughter is great and we have been supportive of each other, thank goodness for her, my family and my friends.

Then came the photographs... places we had been together. London, Lands End, Oxford, San Francisco, Maine, Cape Cod... places I will likely never visit again because of the memories.

Included in the photos, of course were those of other people who are no longer with us..

I am typing here with tears in my eyes.

I am a 70 year old guy with not too much to look forward to.

Cherish the ones you are with.

[Stonepounder]

1. Not much to say.

It is so damn hard to lose a life partner. It really does leave you adrift, since for so long it was 'us' and now, somehow you have to go forward as 'me'. I feel you pain and can only send caring thoughts your way. Be thankful for the family that is left and do your best to struggle on.

Peace.

[n2doc]

2. I hope you find peace in this

You have a lot to look forward to. You know perfectly well that Joyce would want you to go on and make the best life you can, use it to celebrate her memory.

[secondvariety]

3. I'm so very sorry.

I really can't say much except you are not alone. There are people who love you and need you and what you're feeling is normal.


Take care, my friend.

[kardonb]

4. bad day

I am so sorry for your loss of your lovely wife . Just take it day by day ; the pain will not last forever , i diminishes over time . You are not too old to maybe find a new companion for the rest of your life . That does not mean you forgot your first love ; its just a compliment
to her memory that you can love again .

[DesertDiamond]

5. I send you my love, tears, hugs, and my prayers that you will feel June and others there with you...

People don't die, they just leave their bodies! They are still with you, loving you!

[Squinch]

6. Hoppy, my dear.

Today I cleaned out the last of the family belongings from the house I was born into. My mother died a year ago today, and the closing on the sale of the house is Tuesday. I haven't lived there in years, but I have always lived near, and it was always the place I and my 5 siblings went home to.

There is nothing left now that was "ours."

If I were with you, we would raise a glass and have a cry together.

It has, indeed, been a very, very shitty day.

[babylonsister]

7. Hoppy, I'm

so sorry for your loss, and am glad you found us. 70 is the new 50, didn't you know? My ex wanted a divorce after 28 years, so I know a bit about loss, too.
There's a whole lot of lonely people out there who would love your company when you are ready. Hang in there.

[840high]

8. Hugs.

[secondwind]

9. I'm almost 68 years old, and I have come to enjoy the little things in life... I'm saddened by your

post, but I have confidence you will still enjoy a reason to get up in the morning!

[Uben]

10. Right there with ya!

Lost my wife two yrs ago. It's still tough. I remember having to sell her stained glass studio and cleaning out her Ebay room. I waited about a year before I touched it for the same reasons you stated...watching her stuff disappear. I know it kinda seems like you are erasing memories, but in reality, you're just making room for some new ones. Nothing is gonna take them away, the stuff is really just stuff.

I've lost a lot of close friends in the past few years and just heard yesterday one has stage 4 colon cancer. I guess we just endeavor to persevere until our turn is up. Life really is out there, but you do have to participate if you want to enjoy it. Get out, do something, you know she would have wanted you to.

[kairos12]

11. I am sorry for your loss and hope you can find peace and contentment in the future.

[niyad]

12. a belated welcome to DU. can only imagine how difficult this has been, and will be, for you. I

hope that you are being cherished by the ones you are with, as well.

will hope that you find that there is a great deal to look forward to, with joy.

[Live and Learn]

13. I can feel your pain but don't give up.

My mother started taking some local adult education classes developed especially for seniors after my father died. She has made many friends with similar interests and is busier now than ever. She and her friends are really enjoying life right now and they range in age from 70 to 90. I can't believe how much energy they have. Have to say, I am a bit envious.

There are many activities that you might enjoy and never got around to doing before. Take the opportunity to keep busy and learn new things. Best of luck to you.

[derby378]

14. I know exactly how you feel - but don't give up

Your fellow DUers offer excellent words of solace and encouragement. I am truly sorry for your loss.

[Democracyinkind]

15. So sorry for you...

[hotrod0808]

16. You have my deepest sympathy.

I don't look forward to the medical supplier coming to the house to up my daughter's machines on Monday. I know they will help other sick and dying kids in the area, but to me, they are pieces of her that I still have. I hope there still are things for you to look forward to, because you seem like a man who is more interesting than most people that I've ever met based on your travels.

Selfishly, I need some encouragement from an elder like you, sir. Because I'm 30 years younger than you, Sofia was my only natural child, and I just don't feel that I have much to look forward to, either.

[magical thyme]

41. I'm so sorry for your loss...

No parent should outlive their child.

RIP and godspeed Sofia.

[Diclotican]

17. Hoppy

Hoppy

I'm so sorry for your loss - It must be hard, to loose the one you had as your best friend - your loved one..

I hope you, somehow will get some comfort - in your memories - and for what you had together with your best friend on this earth... But it will also be a lot of hurt from what you have lost..

I have not much else to say - and I'm not even sure I can give you some comfort with the my few words here... When you loose someone you love that much - it is never easy to be given comfort from strangers in the night...

I hope you can get some comfort - from people who might be better in the words - I just wanted to say, I feel sorry for you - and I do hope you can get some comfort in what you have had together, and that you are not alone - even if you lost the one you wanted to have with you most..

Diclotican

[Demeter]

18. You are cherished here

for you are a good person who can love.

[Stellar]

19. Oh ((( Hoppy))) I can sympathize with you.

My Mother died 2 years ago and the last remaining member from my childhood, my dad, died Christmas morning 2013 at age 90yrs old. My aunts and uncles are all gone on both sides of the family, hubby past in 2002. So, it's just us so-called kid (what they used to call us) are the last, with our children. But somehow, we, you and I, will both survive and get back on that horse and ride again.

[No Vested Interest]

60. If we live long enough, we become the senior members of the family.

I now consider myself the matriarch of my clan, and finding my mission for the remainder of my days in passing along family stories and history, so that when the younger ones want to know, some clues and answers will be out there for them.

My brothers lived away from the family's home city, so their children didn't hear the family stories and culture that they would have absorbed in the normal course of everyday life, had they remained local. Even my own were busy growing up and not so interested at the time, but now give an ear to the stories.

I'm aware that there's much history that, if they don't learn it from me, they'll never know it.
So I post photos and incidents on Facebook, which most use fairly regularly.
I benefit as well, seeing photos and reports of their doings as well as their young ones.

[Stellar]

64. Thank you for sharing that.

I rarely use Facebook, only if I needed it to blog or post somewhere else. But it's a very good idea and I've got lots of pics and good memories. I'm going to get on that right away...and thank you again!

[No Vested Interest]

66. Good luck with that! You'll get more out of it

than you give.

[mountain grammy]

20. Just had a great lunch with friends, one just 70, lost her husband 4 years ago..

It's not easy, but she goes on. I'm not sure I would be as good at that as she is, hope I never have to find out.
Your post makes us all think about it, my heart goes out to you. I hope better days are ahead.

[Jesus Malverde]

21. .

[lillypaddle]

22. Your post

and many of those that follow it, touched me greatly. I am 66, and when we get to this, it isn't easy most times. Be happy for your memories, and a good life. There is more to be. My sympathies to you and all who have a lonelier road ahead.

[truebluegreen]

23. So so sorry.

[AAO]

24. Hoppy, first, my sincere condolences for your loss

Second, you have everything to look forward to. It's only limited by your own imagination. 70 is the new 60, so if you are in decent health you should find the things that make you happy and do them as often as possible.

[Mojorabbit]

25. I am so sorry

I lost my husband of 31 years in Dec. There is such a void and the loss of someone to share past memories really hurts. Please feel free to pm me if you need to talk.

[go west young man]

26. She's there in the dreamworld...

just close your eyes and tap into it. I've also found writing down my dreams helps for more to come. Dreaming can be quite therapeutic and fill you with warm memories and feelings. Personally I'm not a fan of organized religion but I do enjoy dreaming. A great book is Robert Moss's "Conscious Dreaming". It will help open you up to stronger dreaming. Peace to you and Joyce.

http://www.amazon.com/Conscious-Dreaming-Spiritual-Path-Everyday/dp/051788710X

[IrishAyes]

50. Folk wisdom, at least, holds that when you dream of a departed loved one,

it's their way of visiting you.

[liberal N proud]

27. Cherish the memories

Let the photographs be loving memorials to the time you had together and the sights you saw. Celebrate that time.

When we travel with our partner, we are creating memories that transcend our time together, more important than all the other things we do.

I hope you can get past this most painful exercise survivors are burdened with. Peace!

[PumpkinAle]

28. Sending you Lots of hugs Hoppy

and hoping that those same photos that bring you tears, will bring you smiles and remembrances of the good times.

[riverbendviewgal]

42. this is so true

Thank you.

[Journeyman]

29. "If there is any substitute for love, it is memory." ~ Joseph Brodsky . . .

and a companion thought to this sentiment. . .

“Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.” ~ Dr. Seuss

[No Vested Interest]

59. That's where those photos of the good times with June come in...

Wonderful memories can warm the heart.

[Lifelong Protester]

30. All I can add is that I am sorry

and I do hope you want to eventually visit those places again because of the memories.

You will want those next sunrises, I promise. And your dear wife wants you to have those.

[Skittles]

31. keep looking forward, Hoppy

you can cherish the past (my sympathy to you) but don't let it determine your mood - 70 is not that old! Get out there!!!

[AverageJoe90]

32. Sincere condolences for the loss, Hoppy.

May you, one day, find true peace.

[negoldie]

34. I have a rare lymphoma, no cure, no remission

> Those precious few seconds when I awake are the best! No worries just get up, race to piss, pet the dogs, clean their messes as I curse them/praise them. Yep those first few seconds, maybe a total of two minutes are THE best. Turn on the coffee, the TV, the small space heater for just a little extra warmth. Man o man those first seconds/minutes are the best. Maybe I'll watch the Rachel Maddow replay, damn the local news is on. I'll check the weather, see if the cats won.
> Then it hits me. I remember why I get up to wake the chickens. Not this summer, maybe next, or the one after if I'm lucky.
> I want to be awake. To remember everyday.
> I tell myself not to get on Billye too much. She doesn't really understand.
> I tell my close friends everything, my other "friends" can come to the funeral.......if I have one.
> Someone will have a party. Just remember him as "a pretty good fella" that's what I always told my friend Gay. Maybe I told everyone once in a drunken stupor but it remains the way I want to be remembered.
> Damn those first few seconds for that is the time I relish. It doesn't last long enough for me.Then reality hits.
> The first five pills go down fine. I'll wait and take the other seven or so later.
> The sun is up, the dogs and cats want to go out.
> Those god damn first few seconds, for they are the BEST few seconds a fella could want, the problem, it only lasts those first few seconds.
> Take care and hug's all 'round.....no tears please.
>

[Mojorabbit]

38. .

[magical thyme]

45. ...

:hugs:

[IrishAyes]

51. I always thought the best epitaph a person could have would be

"He/she was good company." Strange maybe, coming from a person who relishes large doses of solitude, but that's how I feel too.

[tavalon]

57. Not to be a pain,

but you just described every depression I've ever been in. I mean real depression. Sure, you have a really good reason to be sad and sad is part of life. That said, please think about talking to your doctor about antidepressants. Hopefully, if you get a good one, it won't take away the sad part but it will make the rest of it easier to take. An astounding number of elderly and sick people are depressed - that's one of the reasons that most of the states that have Right to Die laws require the person to have an assessment for depression. Maybe they don't want to die, they're just depressed. Many of those people get help with their depression and then still choose to Die with Dignity, on their own time frame. But depression has to be out of the way before a clear decision can be made.

I'm a lifer on antidepressants. My brain thinks misery is a fine set point. I disagree. I'm incredibly lucky to have an antidepressant that allows me my full range of emotions but for cause, not just because my brain has a set point that is FUBAR.

I suspect, at 50, I'm probably being uppity coming on here and saying this, so just disregard if you wish. I just want both of you to have the best last few years you can. You've lived a long life, there's no reason to die in your head before your heart stops beating.

It was your comment about the first few seconds. I know you told me not to cry, but oh man, how could I not? I know only too well those first few seconds. I remember yelling once, "no, I'm not through!" when the first few seconds were gone.

[Enthusiast]

35. Sorry about the loss of your Joyce, Hoppy.

Make it your daily routine to visit with us here. It's hardly a replacement for Joyce but it might help a little.

Wonder if you could manage to go fishing.

[cate94]

36. Sorry for your loss.

It is always so hard to lose the people that we love. I hope your days get better soon.

[TBF]

37. I'm so sorry -

we spent spring break cleaning out a parent's home. We tried to keep it upbeat and tell stories for our kids to remember their grandparents. We let them pick out items to send home. We of course focused on photos while they were more interested in the military regalia and figurines. Now that everything has arrived we are incorporating everything into our house - making spots for the new treasures.

It's for sure a life lesson but it doesn't mean life stops. I hope that you will be getting out with remaining friends and keeping the stories alive. I believe they are the most important thing we have.

((hugs))

[Hoppy]

39. Guys, THANKS !

I chose to post this here rather than burden the people who are in my daily life. Nobody wants to be around someone who is a downer all the time.

I am crying again after reading your words but it is a good crying.

[another_liberal]

40. Don't give up on life . . .

Please.

[riverbendviewgal]

43. it is very hard

I know. My son died at 26
from cancer 14 years ago. His dad, the love of my life, at 54 of cancer 13 years ago. I miss them everyday. Life is not the same ever again but it goes on. Some days are good and some not so good. The good memories become more frequent and the tears less frequently. You will go on.

[lunatica]

44. I know how you fell

My only son just died last month. Any future I had went with him because he had no wife or kids. He was 42 years old.

[rhett o rick]

46. I am sorry for your loss. nm

[mdbl]

47. A lifetime of wonderful memories is what I'll strive for

So I will have what you have at 70. So sorry for your loss.

[sueh]

48. (((Hugs))

[IrishAyes]

49. Wise advice, Hoppy. Bless your heart - so sorry for your loss.

But you show your true colors when you can still think of others in the midst of your own grief - which I hope eases a bit as soon as possible. I think most folks who've been down that road would say be sure to seek out the company of others as soon as you're able and lean on them. You will actually be helping them by letting them help you. God bless.

[bvf]

52. I'm in my mid-fifties and lost my wife

of 25 years four years ago come July.

One thing I never say to people who've lost loved ones is "I know how you feel," because nobody but them can know that.

Very sorry to hear of your loss. I hope you find courage and peace and the way ahead.

[shenmue]

53. Condolences

[Hekate]

54. Peace

[Hoppy]

55. Post Script..

In case my posts indicated otherwise, I am not in the frame of mind to end my life... I will go on.

[tavalon]

58. Since, I posted about depression,

I wanted you to know that it was another poster who prompted that. You are going through normal grief. As long as you continue through it, depression won't set in. And if depression doesn't set in, ending one's life rarely occurs.

[tavalon]

56. Damn, I'm so sorry

Thank you for sharing what had to be one of the most painful times in your life.

[KC]

61. Hoppy

There really aren't any words that can take away the pain or even make you feel better, but I do know how comforting it is to know that there are friends and family around that care. Still, I do want to say that I am sorry. I wish losing someone wasn't so painful, but it just is and it just takes time to learn how to live again without them.
I really hope that the memories that you have of her and the love she had for you, continue to live on through you.

[cindyperry2010]

62. other than

saying I am profoundly sorry I can imagine how bad this hurts. I cleaned out my mother's house of 50 years all by myself it is awful to have to do this. peace to you

[Warpy]

63. It gets better

Oh, it doesn't hurt any less, but you get used to it, it becomes a part of you and eventually the good memories crowd out the hurt and become good again.

[glinda]

65. <3