It is to laugh - some more bawwwdy humor
Some More Bawwwdy Humor
This old woman was in her attic with her cat (whom she loved very much) when she saw an old bottle. She started wiping the bottle and a genie appeared. The genie told her she would grant her three wishes. So the old woman wished to become a beautiful young woman and, POOF, she became a very beautiful young woman. Then she wished to have her house full of money from the floor to the ceiling and, POOF, her house filled up with money. Her last wish was for her beloved cat to become
this gorgeous young hunk of a man, and, POOF, her cat became the biggest hunk she ever laid eyes on.
She looked at the man and said, “I love you.” The man replied, “I love you too, but now don’t you wish you hadn’t had me neutered?”
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A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous and sexy young woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her.
The young woman noticed his overly attentive stare and walked directly towards him. Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, “I’ll do anything, absolutely anything that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition.”
Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was. The young woman replied, “You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.”
The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he pressed into the young woman’s hand. He looked into her eyes and slowly, meaningfully, said, “Paint my house.”
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A couple had been married for 20 years and every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights. Well, after 20 years the wife finally felt this was ridiculous thinking her husband had a sexual problem. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she suddenly turned on the lights.
She looked down ... and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device... a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a "real one".
She went completely ballistic. "You impotent *******," she screamed at him,"how could you be faking your love to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:
"I'll explain the toy... you explain the kids."
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A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.
"Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but I'm afraid that you're giving me too much. I've started growing hair in places that I've never grown hair before.''
The doctor reassured her, ''A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?''
''On my testicles, which is something else I want to talk to you about...,'' replied the lady.
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There's a woman that has a big problem when it came to farting. She farts all the time, yet is never be able to smell or hear them. So one day she decides to go to the doctor about the problem. She tells him how she is always leaving these long, hard farts that she can never smell or hear.
The doctor thinks about it and sends her home with some pills, telling her to come back a week later. When she comes back to his office, she tells him how she still is having these horrible farts, but now they smell like rotting eggs. The doctor's only reaction to this was... "It's good to know we cleared up your sinuses. Now to work on your hearing...."
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A wealthy couple prepared to go out for the evening. The woman of the house gave their butler, Jervis, the night off. She said they would return home very late, and she hoped he would enjoy his evening. The wife wasn’t having a good time at the party, so she came home early, alone. Her husband stayed there, socializing with important clients.
As the woman walked into her house, she found Jervis by himself in the dining room. She called him to follow her, and led him into the master bedroom. She turned to him and said, in a voice she knew he must obey, “Jervis, I want you to take off my dress.” This he did, hanging it carefully over a chair.
“Jervis,” she continued, “now take off my stockings and garter belt.” Again, Jervis silently obeyed.
“Now, Jervis, I want you to remove my bra and panties.”
Eyes downcast, Jervis obeyed. Both were breathing heavily, the tension mounting between them.
She looked sternly at him and said, “Jervis, if I ever catch you wearing my stuff again, you’re fired!”
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A noted sex therapist was giving a talk about the frequency of love-making to a group of 100 men. To determine how these men compared to the national average, he offered some comparisons.
“Those of you that have sex 5 times a week are well above average. How many of you get it 5 times a week?” he asked. 20 men raised their hands. Sitting in the back of the room was a very old man, with his arms folded and a huge grin on his face.
“Those of you that have sex 2 to 3 times a week are considered average. How many of you guys get it 2 or 3 times a week?” he asked. 30 guys raised their hands. He noticed the little old man in the back smiling even larger and was curious about his demeanor.
“Next we have the guys slightly lower than average. If you get it once a week, you are just under the average. How many of you get it once a week?” 25 guys raised their hands. The little old man continued smiling and the sex therapist was really curious now. He had to find out about this guy!
“If you’re below average, you only get it once a month. How many of you get it once a month?” 15 men slowly put up their hands. The little old man was still sitting, smiling with his arms folded. The sex therapist was really, really curious now.
“And if you are at the bottom of the study and well below average, you only get it once every 3 or 4 months! How many of you are in that category?” 9 guys reluctantly raised their hands. The little old man just smiled bigger and bigger.
This was too much for the sex therapist. He had to ask this old man about his sex life.
“Excuse me”, he asked. “You don’t get it 5 times a week, you don’t get it the average 2 or 3 times a week, you don’t get it once a week or even once a month”, he said. “You don’t even get it a couple of times a year”, he cried.
“I’ve gotta know, how many times do you get it?” he asked.
The little old man replied,” Sonny, I get it once every ten years.”
“ONCE EVERY TEN YEARS!” the sex therapist exclaimed. “Why are you smiling, then?” he asked.
The little old man leaned back in his chair, put his hands behind his head and smiling, he said, “Tonight’s the Night!”
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Two old retirees are taking a trip down memory lane and have gone on vacation back to the place where they first met. While sitting at a café the little old man says, “Remember the first time I met you over fifty years ago? We left this café, went around the corner behind the factory and we indulged in some tawdy fun?”
“Why, yes, I remember it well, dear,” replies the little old lady with a grin.
“Well, for old time’s sake, let’s go there again and try it again.”
The two retirees pay their bill and leave the café. A young man sitting next to them has overheard the conversation and smiles to himself, thinking it would be quite amusing to see two old retirees going at it. He gets up and follows them. Sure enough, he sees the two retirees near the factory.
The little old lady pulls off her panties and lifts up her dress. The old man pulls down his pants and grabs the lady’s hips and the little old lady then reaches for the fence.
Well, what follows is forty minutes of the most athletic sex the man has ever seen. The little old man is banging away at the little old woman at a pace that can only be described as phenomenal. Limbs are flying everywhere, the movement is a blur, and they do not stop for a single second. Finally, they collapse and don’t move for an hour.
The man is stunned. Never in his life has he ever seen anything that equates to this, not in the movies, not from his friends, not from his own experiences. Reflecting on what he has just seen, he says to himself, “I have to know his secret. If only I could do that now, let alone in fifty years time!”
The two old retirees have by this time recovered and dressed themselves. Gathering the courage he approaches the older man. He says, “Sir, in all my life I have never seen anybody have sex like that, particularly at your age. What’s your secret? Could you do it like that fifty years ago?”
The retiree replies, “Son, fifty years ago that freaking fence wasn’t electric.”
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= new reply since forum marked as read
Really put a smile on my face.
