This story was posted at DU many years ago...
Time to share again.
FOR OUR ITALIAN LOVERS
After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in New York to say hello to his friends.
Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wasa da treepa?"
Luigi said, "Everytinga was a perfecto except for da traina ride down."
"Whata you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.
"Well, we boarda da train at Grand Central Station. My beautiful Virginia, she pack a biga basket a food. She brought vino, some nice a cigars for me and we were lookin a forward to da trip. Everytinga wasa okey dokey until we getta hungry and open upa da luncha basket. The conductore come a by, waga his finger at us and a say, "No eat in disa car. Musta use a dining car."
"So, me and a my beautiful Virginia, we go to dining car, eat a bigga luncha and start to open a bottle of nicea vino! Conductore walka by again, waga his finger and say, No drinka in disa car. Musta use a club car."
"So we go to club car. While drinking vino, I start to lighta my biga cigar. The conductore, he waga his finger again and say, No smokina disa car. Must go to smokina car."
"We go to smokina car and I smoke a my biga cigar. Then my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to sleeper car anda go to bed. We just about to go boomada boomada and the Conductore, he walka through da hall shouting at da top of his voice, Nofolka Virginia! Nofolka Virginia!"
Luigi sighed. "Next time, I'm a gonna take a da bus."