Peyton Manning Congratulates Brother Eli: 'This Has Been The Worst Year Of My Life'
INDIANAPOLIS—Mere minutes after Super Bowl XLVI MVP Eli Manning hoisted the Lombardi Trophy on Sunday, he was congratulated in the locker room by his older brother, injury-ridden four-time NFL MVP Peyton, whose sadness at missing an entire season seemed to evaporate as he proudly grasped his younger brother by the shoulders and said, "Man, this has been without a doubt the worst year of my life."
"I can hardly believe this is happening to me," added Peyton, beaming with unguarded joy and apparently beside himself with happiness for all his brother had achieved. "I can't believe you won a Super Bowl in my home stadium the year I didn't play at all. Now you have twice as many rings as I do and twice as many Super Bowl MVP awards. How? How is that even possible?"
Peyton made a point of singling out his junior sibling amidst the chaos of celebrating players, throngs of reporters, and general postgame mayhem in order to tell Eli exactly how special the moment was for him, saying, "I may never recover from how monumentally terrible I feel right now."
"To see you succeed on the biggest stage of all, to win the biggest game and receive its highest honor twice, is like a knife in my gut," gushed the ecstatic elder Manning as flashbulbs and champagne corks popped around them. "Remember this moment forever—the moment you made me an irrelevant footnote. I'll certainly never forget it."
(satire, folks!)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/peyton-manning-congratulates-brother-eli-this-has,27328/
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