Reclusive Deity Hasn't Written A New Book In 2,000 Years

[True Dough]

NEW YORK—Leading writers, scholars, and publishers gathered this week at Fordham University for a literary conference and panel discussion on God, the widely praised but reclusive deity who has not published a book since His landmark debut 2,000 years ago.

Hailed by critics as one of the most important authors in recent millennia, the eccentric divinity is said to have long ago retreated from the public eye, eschewing a life of celebrity for one of solitude and quiet. To this day, experts confirmed, His artistic reputation rests exclusively upon His bestselling and highly acclaimed first work, the Bible.

“God has granted no interviews, made no public appearances, and kept entirely to Himself for what seems like ages, and yet it’s fair to say that no other author has been quite so influential,” said noted critic and conference attendee James Wood, observing that while the fiercely private immortal being has only one book to His credit, He remains among the world’s most respected and quoted writers. “For many readers, God’s writing had a transformative impact on their lives, and countless people list His book among their favorite titles. But for reasons that we can only speculate about, God has chosen to stay out of the limelight and let His words speak for themselves. Perhaps it is God’s retreat into His own world that allowed Him to render His vision so vividly on the page.”

“It’s also possible that, with the first book, He simply said everything He had to say,” Wood continued. “Though one would think a writer of such impressive knowledge and power would never lack for inspiration.”

https://entertainment.theonion.com/reclusive-deity-hasn-t-written-a-new-book-in-2-000-year-1819576927

[malchickiwick]

1. I was expecting a story about GRRM (LOL)

[True Dough]

2. Game of Thrones

may overtake the Catholic church in popularity, if it hasn't already!

[MineralMan]

6. Don't forget the Harry Potter series, either.

There's an entire new generation reading those now.

[True Dough]

22. True.

Kids waving wands and casting spells instead of listening to stories of heaven, hell, limbo and purgatory.

They're better off.

[Glamrock]

29. Not to mention the Beatles!

[True Dough]

32. Let It Be!

And the reference to Mother Mary is not the Virgin Mary.

The Beatles rock!

[violetpastille]

3. Look what happened the last time. No more bailouts.

The second coming of Christ if and when, will be Christ Consciousness for everyone.

No more prophets. No more gurus are coming. No more teachers.

We have had MORE than enough time to figure things out and learn to work together.

As the great Mariah Carey once said:


Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you.

[Bretton Garcia]

10. Actually, his second book, the New Testament ...

.. constantly, slyly, changed, ""twisted," metaphoricalized, the first, Old Testament.

To the point that I read the second coming, the heaven-shattering Apocalypse, as the moment a Christian realizes it was all a ruse. And decides to give it all up for Reason and science and logic. The second and truer appearance.

[Gothmog]

4. I love the onion

[MineralMan]

5. The last one was ghost-written, anyhow.

I'm pretty sure all of them were, actually. And then, they were badly translated, besides. God's not going to take up His divine time scribbling books, you know. He has people to do that for Him.

[Major Nikon]

11. Not even that

They were oral traditions that nobody bothered to write down until decades, if not centuries after those with whom they are attributed to were long gone. At best they are 4th or 5th hand accounts of Jesus and probably more than that. Matthew and Luke were based on the same source material.

[MineralMan]

14. I know. I was making a joke.

Iron Age campfire tales. All of it.

[MarvinGardens]

24. According to "Misquoting Jesus", Mark was the oldest.

Others were probably embellished from that. And even Mark was copied over and over by scribes, the originals being long lost.

[Glamrock]

30. Unfortunately

He delegated a lot of that to people wandering the desert by themselves for years at a time. Not a great idea for a publisher. I'm guessing a few of those ghost writers were a couple cans short of a six pack when they came out of the desert.

[sanatanadharma]

7. A new new testiment is in proof now, publishers are waiting on the peer review

No valid reason to assume that the revelation is complete, nor to assume that the now-century knows the final complete word.
Nor to assume any god-thoughts are more than wisps of the wind.

God is like an onion unpeeled by theology, where-in every layer is the same as the next, until the realization comes that there is no there there. No center. The peeler is more real than the peeled.

[Igel]

8. What? The Onion now says the Quran is unrelated to God?

That could end badly.

[Ferrets are Cool]

9. They have to go to religion for material because tRump

stole all their work since he and his admin has been in office.

[edhopper]

12. I read that

I was very interested in the cosmology and history of the Universe and the earth. Since he was there for all that.

But he only gave us about 30 sentences and most of it is wrong.

14 billion years in one page.

[guillaumeb]

13. The Creator has inspired people to write literally thousands of books.

So there is that to consider.

[MineralMan]

15. That's just nonsense, guillaumeb.

The authors might have believed that was the source of inspiration, but there is zero evidence of it.

[guillaumeb]

16. Ah yes, your inspired insight into what prompted the writers to write.

Noted.

[MineralMan]

17. I am a writer, Guy.

Did you not know that? Books and everything.

You realize that the Onion is satire, right?

[guillaumeb]

18. A writer you say?

And what is this thing you call satire?

[marylandblue]

28. It's a lot like metaphor, only funnier.

[guillaumeb]

35. And seldom done well. eom

[mitch96]

19. "inspired people to write"

That's what I thought... people wrote their interpretation, not god. They heard a good story and wrote it down. Now play the telephone game for a few hundred years and "POOF" it's the word of god. To me it's really just a nice story concocted by man... It gives hope..
YMMV and that's just me
m

[guillaumeb]

20. I understand your point. eom

[violetpastille]

21. +1 My favorite religious text:

The liner notes to Coltrane's "Love Supreme".

Whether he believed he was inspired by gratitude to his Creator and whether there is evidence - I hear what I hear. I see what I see. I feel what I feel.

That's faith. (shrug emoji) What can you do?

[guillaumeb]

23. But where is the "proof",

is the constant refrain for those who choose to ignore the fact that we all believe in unprovable things.

[marylandblue]

27. That's not a fact, it's an opinion, which is itself unprovable.

[Bretton Garcia]

31. Some things like religion ...

... are far more improbable than other beliefs. Especially given flat disproofs of their more concrete claims. Like promises of all the miracles we ask for (John 14.13).

[Voltaire2]

25. So your holy book is no different than

any of the other religiously inspired books written over the last two thousand years?

[guillaumeb]

34. Different in narrative,perhaps. eom

[trotsky]

36. So has Harry Potter.

https://harrypotterfanfiction.com/

I'm sure you thought you had a brilliant point. Too bad.

[Voltaire2]

26. Book o Mormon nonsense was written

by the Mormon tooth fairy 150 years ago.

God, aka L Ron Hubbard, aka the Scientology tooth fairy, wrote the Dianetics gibberish not even 70 years ago.

[Act_of_Reparation]

33. Not really.

If the story is true (which it isn't), Joe Smith just copied down a story that had been written down thousands of years earlier on the golden plates and then lost.