2 Kings chapter 2

[Cartoonist]

From there Elisha went up to Bethel. While he was on the way, some little boys came out of the city and jeered at him: “Go away, baldy; go away, baldy!”

The prophet turned and saw them, and he cursed them in the name of the LORD. Then two she-bears came out of the woods and tore forty-two of the children to pieces.
_

And people revere this book?

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

1. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat,

I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

Matthew 25:34

And people revere this book?

[Cartoonist]

3. Which is it then?

Jesus - All talk
Elisha - All action

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

4. It's whatever you want it to be.

The Bible has quotes for all occasions.

[Cartoonist]

6. That's the problem

And the horrific quotes get no condemnation. They just get deflected and covered up by nice sounding homilies. Just like you did there.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

20. Oh, I don't know. Everybody likes to make fun of Leviticus.

[Lordquinton]

5. Well, in one case

what someone did to the least was curse them to be mauled by she-bears.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

7. I never quite understood that story.

If the she-bears ate 42 of the children there must have been even more of them (children, not bears), so maybe Elisha felt threatened by this large mob of juvenile hooligans and the bears saved him. Even so, it was kind of harsh.

[uriel1972]

8. Maybe Elisha...

was a psychopath worshiping a psychopathic god? Why must there have been more of them, where is your evidence?

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

18. It said the bears tore into 42 *of* the children, which suggests there were more than 42.

When you think about it, that's a pretty impressive feat for only two smallish Syrian brown bears - you'd think the children would have scattered and run away so they bears couldn't have gotten as many as 42 of them. I should think 8 to 10, max, unless the bears were acting in concert like lionesses, which bears don't normally do. Since I don't actually believe in God, or at least Yahweh, the old god of the Israelites, I don't think this alleged bear predation was instigated by God at all. A bear came out of the woods and ate the kid that was teasing Elisha and the whole incident got blown out of proportion.

[Lordquinton]

9. 42 children

that's a lot of kids for just two bears to eat all in one go. I wonder what kind of bears they would be too. I'd imagine that an artist would portray something big like a grizzley, but I don't think they come in those sizes in the middle east.

[Cartoonist]

10. I don't think they ate them

They just tore them to pieces.

King James described it thusly:
And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.

[Lordquinton]

11. That makes more sense.

You'd still think that after the first 6 the rest would have run off, unless these bears tracked them down after the fact.

[Cartoonist]

12. These were superbears

Endowed with heavenly powers

[Lordquinton]

15. They weren't forebears

There were only two.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

17. And they were she-bears.

[Lordquinton]

22. I can't bear it anymore

[Voltaire2]

27. One was the Queen of Shebear

[Lordquinton]

35. I didn't know bears were organized in a monarchy

but it comes at no surprise that they are a matriarchal society.

[Pope George Ringo II]

16. Smarter than the average bear?

[Mariana]

14. "With God, all things are possible." - Jesus. nt.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

13. There's only one species of bear that's native to the Middle East,

and that's the Syrian brown bear. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Syrian_brown_bear It's actually a relatively small bear, so these two bears probably couldn't have eaten 42 children if they'd wanted to.

[Voltaire2]

24. Old Yahweh put the magic in them.

You keep forgetting that these she-bears were agents of the creator of the universe. They were not limited by the capacities of normal Syrian she-bears.

However, counting was not well understood at the time, so it might have been only 41 children, or even as few as 39, or maybe 47.

[Pope George Ringo II]

29. Maybe they were the last local descendants of the grizzlies from the Ark?

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

19. In that area there are only Syrian brown bears, which are relatively small as bears go.

You'd need a dozen or so Kodiak bears to do that sort of damage.

[Lordquinton]

23. It's like every depiction of dinosaurs being T-rexes

They didn't exist at the same time as most other dinos we know and love.

[justhanginon]

2. Maybe just the bald christians!

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

21. Elisha was an Old Testament dude, so not Christian.

Obviously sensitive about his bald spot, though.

[Voltaire2]

25. Same god.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

30. Well, yeah, but just because Elisha told God to set bears on the children

doesn't mean God actually did it; God is infamous for ignoring prayers. It's more likely that the bears were just hungry and did it on their own. If I could get God to send bears after people I'd start going to church again, and I know who I'd start with.

Do bears live near Washington, D.C., or in Florida? Florida does have panthers and alligators; maybe I'll have to modify my request.

[Voltaire2]

32. You seem to be claiming that we have to apply

some sort of reasonableness standard to claims in religious texts. In that case just throw the entire set of books on the bonfire. They are almost entirely composed of unreasonable claims, which is sort of the point to begin with.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

33. Not at all, I'm just making jokes.

I don't actually think there's a god who responds to prayers to have one's adversaries set upon by bears - or any other sorts of prayers, for that matter.

[Major Nikon]

34. It's also a safe bet all the other miracles Elisha performed were just made up as well

Along with every other metaphysical claims made by any other religious text on behalf of everyone else. I don't think some would want to go there, though. Easier to pretend the bible is inerrant.

[Sanity Claws]

26. Too bad Elisha didn't have a combover like T-rump

Why didn't God intervene and give Elisha hair? That would have shown the kids a thing or two and prevented the bear mauling.

[MineralMan]

28. My favorite Bible story of all!

[edhopper]

31. Bethel?

As in Bethel Woods?

Makes the first line from this song take on a whole new meaning.