Giving, Receiving... and *stuff*
I broke the bank today.
Yep, spent $60 out of a $72 paycheck just to make sure my kids had something in their stockings and an even number of presents. So I got home and unpacked everything I had bought over the past couple weeks and laid it all out to see who has what and if it worked... and ended up taking some toys from the kids' pile and hopefully making some kind of gift that's acceptable for my sister's kids too... can't leave anyone out right? And, of course, there's a couple things for mommy, just so it doesn't look like santa stiffed me...but really, a couple of cheap facemasks and some lipstick is about it.
I wish just once that i could go to a family Christmas function NOT feeling like I was lacking something. Like I wasn't just the one doing the 'taking' and that i had something better to give than a cheap $10 thingy so my sister doesn't think I am too ungrateful... I dunno, Christmas always makes me feel poorer. (my mom is always being really generous and my sister is pretty financially set too, so I end up being the 'odd man out' at christmas..or so it feels.)
On the flip side, I realize I am so RICH when it comes to Life!
we have a good rental house, warmth, water, lights, food in the fridge and warm snuggles on a winter night. I have kids who still crawl in bed with me in the middle of the night and wake up to cuddles and giggles every morning. I have flexible work that allows me to be there for the kids when needed. I have my health, even if it feels like it ain't that great at times, I am better off than SOOOO many!
I also have Love of friends and family here and elsewhere, and HERE at ASAH. I am grateful every day for the support I have ...
So I guess out of the pieces of me that feels like 'not enough' i really DO have enough of the things that count.
My prayer is to remember that more, and hope that the world will follow suit...
= new reply since forum marked as read
i remember having to take my 3 sons to get charity gifts for xmas when i was a young, poor single mom on welfare (back when there still WAS welfare). it's never a good feeling to feel like you're always "taking". it's sometimes hard for people to understand what they do have though.
wishing you and your children a wonderful christmas! peace!
But for my consumer family, at least this would slow it down a bit.
i always thought gifts were supposed to be something sacred, and I am getting more sentimental in my 'wiser' years , lol
thanks and love to you too howlerhunny
though there are a few things on my *list* ...the things i always want for bday (new years) or cmas but never really get
1. a spa day 
...really even a pedicure would be a nice treat, but i'd like a whole body scrub and rubdown too!
2. a real weekend alone
...probably NOT at home, but even a chintzy motel in some obscure place like virginia city, or a lone cabin in the woods, would invite creativity and a nice time to just BE
3. a catered party
...to be able to have 20 or more of my closest friends come to a restaurant and just be served and enjoy food and drinks and not have to worry about the details.
....sheesh, am i a diva or what?!? 
too. But I don't mess with any of it/them these days. So, thankfully, I no longer have that issue.
You know what to do! You wrote it. 
I just want to tell this little story (downer). I still remember when I was very young. My grandparents lived in the city, and we in a suburb. So it wasn't a long trip to go for Christmas. As my dad parked the car in front of their house, I remember my mother saying, "David's (uncle) kids always look like they just stepped off a band box. And mine look like little ragamuffins." I didn't know what a band box was, but I sure did know a ragamuffin. That hurt so much. It colored my self opinion for the rest of my life. It was also a slap at my dad. I realize now that she has always been ill. ...
I just tell this to give you a reason to make sure your kids feel special, acceptable. Don't pass along your insecurities if you can help it, sweetie.
Happy Christmas
about not letting our own insecurities define our children.
I'm sorry you experienced that as a child, and that it affected your self-opinion thereafter.
Food gifts from the heart are the best. Your dad, and your daughter, will remember it forever. Hopefully it will become a tradition.
The obligatory gift giving; the over expectation, the inevitable let down, the feelings of less than, uhh. It's just too hard. I have my arms around you. I can not imagine your stress and pain at trying to be all that others need and expect.
May this next year give you solace and relief and all that you need.
May your compassion grow and cover all those who come in your presence.
the kids were happy no matter what, my mom was happy to have her holiday dishes and everything *her* way, and my banana cream pie was more like pudding, but tasted just like my grandmother's (mom read me the recipe from grandma's betty crocker cookbook, after the first attempt with an internet recipe failed)
did you ever notice how we in the US are so 'programmed' to think ONLY about the stuff? Is it just a capitalism thing?
anyway, had a nice afternoon evening with the family units, and i was very surprised that this year nobody was mean or nasty, just pleasant times all around...
now i get to prepare for New Year (and my bday!) 