haaalp! every time my light begins to shine...
I seem to become a magnet for dark energies. I think this topic has come up before, for many of us. It's in full force again for me again.
One way in which it has repeatedly reared its ugly head is sexual harassment. I expect anybody who has been around a while knows that sexual harassment is not about sex, it is about power. I also expect most women have been subjected to it at least once in their lifetime, unless you are surrounded by protective, big brothers...
For me, it seems to come up about once/decade. As some of you know, my most recent case was also the worst, when I was literally driven from my home of 17 years by a registered sex offender and his gang, who harassed me 24x7 for 3 years. The police told me they had a file on him "an inch thick and a mile long." They looked relieved when I told them I planned to move, "Good. Get out of town. There's nothing we can do. We can't protect you.'
Now it is happening at my new job. The offender is from the cleaning crew and is a severely mentally disabled man who was injured in a car accident at age 16. He has a track record of fixating on at least one woman and he "has a hard time accepting 'no' for an answer" according to one of the techs involved in the situation. His last target got rid of him by marrying somebody else. I have no plans or intention of marrying anybody for the purpose of losing a harasser!
The lesson he apparently learned from his prior experience was to harass 'by proxy.' He has gone from lab assistant to lab assistant, the phlebotomy supervisor and at least 1 lab tech, gleaning bits of information about me from each one. The tech was the *only* one with the good sense to tell him to leave me alone and not feed him more info. 2 lab assistants and the supervisor all came to me giggling and trying to get me to date him!!!!! The 1st one would not accept no for an answer, had the m.f. gall to say, 'All you have to do is have coffee with him and explain why you don't want to date him' and then followed up the next day by asking if I'd 'followed up with him yet?" 
I did not appreciate, just 4 months into a new job, being forced to file a sexual harassment complaint against a co-worker. I spent 4 days sick in bed as a result, losing precious income and study time. 2 weeks later, another lab assistant approached me, wanting to know if I have an SO. Sure enough, it was for him, so I told her I've already filed 1 sexual harassment complaint, am I going to have to file another? She backed off in a big hurry.
This phase of the harassment seems done, since I haven't been approached by any other lab assistants for over a month now. However, his more subtle harassment continues, in that any time he seems me in the hallway, he tries to accidentally "bump" into me in an attempt to start a conversation. So now when I leave the lab and venture out to go to the bathroom or cafeteria, I'm in 'defensive' mode, ready to either change direction or carefully ignore him.
Well, on Christmas eve, I gave myself the gift of lunch in the cafeteria instead of my usual fare from home eaten in the lab break room. I hadn't run into him in weeks and forgot my defenses. As I headed away from the register, there he was at a table with other workers, some of whom I have to work with from the emergency room. He very loudly yelled, "Merry Christmas!" at me, demanding a response in front of witnesses. I chose rudeness, gave him an ugly look and walked by. Hopefully, his friends will tell him I'm a snobby bitch and to forget about it.
The thing is this. My extensive experience with harassment (I also spent 8 months being stalked at work) is that if you pay *any* attention to them, it encourages more attention. I no longer even nod my head at him in the hall, as I did before this all started. I certainly will not start any conversation with him.
Company policy is I am basically on my own. He is staying just inside the line of harassment; had the lab assistants not said anything to me I wouldn't even have this predicament. Now,if I turn him down for a date and he persists, only then can I elevate. I refuse to give him even that opportunity because my history says that even if they do get involved, the authorities will at best not help and worst case make things worse. Twice in the past when I was sexually harassed, the problem escalated after I sought help.
How do I get rid of this creepy guy? His name is Mark. He is very tall and thin, with shortish black hair. I frequently see him pushing a mop. If someone can do a cord-cutting or a something, please, please do. I am at a loss and it's seriously creeping me out.
Back when I was a kid, there was a solution to harassment. The bigger men friends, brothers, fathers and uncles, whoever, would get the offender alone and, quite frankly, beat the living shit out of them. As brutal as that approach may seem today, the simple fact is it worked. Would-be harassers thought very carefully about consequences and stopped harassing. This isn't about someone wanting to date someone. It's about control and ownership, and it is a form of violence against the target.
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The "wear a wedding/engagement ring thing."
You don't have to say who you're committed to; it could be a symbol of your commitment to your authentic self, so you could wear it truthfully without feeling you're being deceitful or whatever.
I think that's what I would do in your situation.
I also am so very, very sorry you're going through this....yet again. 
that I can remember. The creeps didn't care and kept it up, I'm guessing because it was about power. When I refused to date them, they apparently got off on creeping me out.
In this case, because it is at work in a small, catty group, I would then be forced to make up a story and carry it for the entire work group of a dozen+ lab techs and lab assistants. I simply can't pull off that kind of game. If I'd started there with a band on I could have, but they all know I'm single. It is too late now, and I really had no way to anticipate this. I'm almost 60 now, I really thought that phase of my life was over. I guess it won't be until I'm dead, and then some necrophiliac will fixate on my poor corpse.
You are right that they know him, more or less, but in that case they should have known better than to encourage him, should realize how inappropriate their behavior was in the situation, and should have not provided him information about me. It was wrong on every level, and there is no excuse for it. And I believe our manager is aware of his history because as soon as I complained, she asked, "is it mark xxx?" I didn't even have to name him!
Yes, he's worked there a long time. This is a small, rural community so the locals all know each other. They are protecting him, which I understand, but they also have an obligation to protect anyone he fixates on. It's complicated, too, because there are multiple organizations involved: the hospital, the multi-county healthcare org, and the lab, are each separate nonprofit companies.
Sending you more hugs of support, magical thyme. I'll envision this challenge simply fading on its own, having no energy at all.
