Both my daughter and mother dreamed I died...

[OneGrassRoot]

My mom had a dream I appeared before her, dead and all gray, two nights ago. Last night my daughter dreamed I was accidentally covered in dirt by a dump truck and she wasn't able to dig me out in time.

I know death dreams are rarely about a physical death but I find it interesting that they both dreamed I died (not sure either have ever had such a dream) within two days of one another. Today is my daughter's 30th birthday and I had her when I was 30, so I can see some interesting symbolism there (we live together, with my grandson).

My health is good right now. (I had a scary bizarre medical emergency at end of January which I recovered from quickly, and am three years out from last round of chemo).

Still, to have my mother and daughter have a dream of my death is...interesting. Wondering if there may be any insight here.

Thanks.

ETA: I want to tell them both it's symbolic of how they're both driving me to an early grave. but, seriously...

[Wicked Blue]

1. I think it means a rebirth

Some kind of major change in your life, your thinking, your letting go of past issues.

[enough]

2. Yes!

[OneGrassRoot]

5. Thank you!

Letting go of past issues and resentments should certainly be on my to-do list...lolol

[Irish_Dem]

3. I need more information.

I used to do quite a bit of dream analysis before I retired from clinical psych practice.

1. Did your daughter know about your mother's dreams the night before?

2. Did you tell her about it or did she overhear a conversation about it?

3. Can you give me more detail about your mother's dream?

4. Right now, your mother and daughter dreams sound like two different type dreams.
Your daughter's dream is a classic anxiety dream.

As you know, dreams are often highly symbolic with coded information.
They are usually not literal.

It could certainly be the case both women are worried about your January health emergency
and chemo treatment. And they are trying to work it through via dreams which is the subconscious
talking to us. Or your daughter could be dealing with an unrelated stressful situation in her life.

[OneGrassRoot]

4. I love that you did dream analysis...

as part of your clinical psych practice.


1. Did your daughter know about your mother's dreams the night before? No

2. Did you tell her about it or did she overhear a conversation about it? No, I had told no one.

3. Can you give me more detail about your mother's dream?

Mom is in an assisted care facility with advanced COPD and dementia, though she is quite lucid most of the time thus far. I speak with her daily. She simply said "you appeared to me and were all gray and I knew you were dead."

4. Right now, your mother and daughter dreams sound like two different type dreams. Your daughter's dream is a classic anxiety dream.

For sure my daughter has a lot of anxiety and relies on me tremendously for childcare and emotional support and other practical support. She has the typical stress of a single working parent but is aware how fortunate she is to have so much help. Her dream certainly makes complete sense, as far as its meaning for her.

I just found it interesting about the two dreams within two days. (My mom and daughter don't speak; there's not animosity, it's just that they don't communicate much at all.)

[Irish_Dem]

7. I love dream analysis.

When I was working on my PhD I had the honor of taking classes from a professor who was internationally recognized for his work on assessment and testing, he developed some testing that is still in common use today. His PhD was from the Sorbonne in Paris, so he was trained by leading European psychologists at the time.

One of his fields of expertise was in the projective tests such as the Rorschach (inkblots), TAT, HTP, etc. These require extensive training to administer and interpret as you can imagine. The training took about three years just in this area.

The professor also taught dream analysis as part of the projective training course. I had a knack for the projectives and I will brag that I kept getting A+'s from this professor on my dream analysis reports, which of course meant I got ribbed by my fellow students. Being an expert in dream analysis is not going to mean much in the US psychology community.

I also did my doctoral dissertation on the projective tests.

Basically in the projectives people project their unconscious thoughts, feelings, needs, wants, fears, etc onto neutral stimulus. Dreams are the same. They are fascinating and rich with information.

So basically it appears your mother and daughter are worried about you. They are concerned they may lose you due to your health issues. I think the January incident is weighing on their minds. They may not be able to verbalize this to you, but we can see it is coming out in their dreams. Dreams serve a function. A person works on conscious or unconscious issues as they dream. Our psyche tries to resolve and come to terms with an issue. Our bodies and minds are working to heal as we dream.

Your daughter depends upon you a great deal, so she feels your health issues more acutely than does your mother. Your mother's dream was more of a neutral statement of her anxiety, the muting of her feelings could be a function of her cognitive slippage. Your daughter's dream was marked by her acute feelings of anxiety and helplessness. She tried to save you, but failed.

In terms of the synchronicity, yes that is quite interesting. I could suggest perhaps there was some family trigger, something happened to the family system at the same time. The death of a cousin, or famous person perhaps. Or you had talked about a doctor visit to both of them.

Or we could go to the more Jungian explanation. Carl Jung is a very famous psychologist who believed in the collective unconscious. Freud had discovered that humans have an individual unconscious process going on. Then Carl Jung took it a step further and said that all humans share a collective unconscious. For example this would explain why humans the world over may develop certain inventions even before modern communication. Or why the notion of freedom and democracy takes a strong hold around the world at the same time.

Jung and Freud are not popular in the US which is much more cognitive-behavioral. But I had extensive training in this approach and also 40 years of clinical practice taught me that not everything cannot be explained by US standards of thinking.

So your family may have its own collective unconscious sharing their anxiety back and forth?

I would also suggest that you follow through on any medical advice and be prudent about self care and medical appointments to reassure your family and yourself.

[Delphinus]

8. Thank you

I used to belong to a group who did dream analysis and I loved it. I really need to get back into doing it for myself.

[Irish_Dem]

9. Whatever you do, avoid cook book dream analysis.

My training was extensive, and we were taught to avoid standard cook book symbolism, it is nonsense.
You know the books which tell you what a snake means in a dream, etc.

Dreams are highly individual and based on what the dream symbols mean to the dreamer.
So for example if you dream about a snake, ask yourself what a snake means to you and in the context
of the dream.

It is more work this way but much more accurate.

Another tip: Usually in every dream there is something that doesn't fit.
This is an important part of the dream, so pay attention to it.

[OneGrassRoot]

11. Wow...

I love to read what you write. Seriously, I'd follow a blog or podcast of you sharing your wisdom. The wisdom itself is compelling but you have a talent for sharing it in an understandable, engaging way.

Thanks so very much for the insights!

[Irish_Dem]

14. YW. I am on other forums and sometimes get 1000 likes in one day.

It is really crazy. But I have had an interesting life and career, and have degrees in
political science, psychology and am a history buff and military kid. So I have a lot to say.

But I just cannot believe 1000 people in one day would read and like what I have to say.
I am just a regular person. So I really do not understand it.

You will find this interesting: Every time I ever saw various psychics for a reading, they always
stated I would write a book one day. I always insisted I was not going to write a book. I always
liked to write and communicate from an early age, but I did not have a book in me.

Now I understand what they must have been seeing. One day I would write online and people
would like what I say. It is so odd. And fascinating when psychics tell you something that sounds
ridiculous at the time, but decades later comes true.

I was trained as a scientist and believe in data to tell us the truth. But I am also a triple Pisces and very
Jungian in my training, so I am open to all ideas about the human experience.

[eppur_se_muova]

6. And when you woke up, you were dead!

That's just one of those urban myths that people keep passing around.

[OneGrassRoot]

13. lolol...

Yeah, that particular myth is enduring. I knew it rarely symbolizes a physical death but if someone else contacts me and says they dreamed I was dead, I'm gonna start being paranoid. lol

[Irish_Dem]

15. One more question.

I was wondering how you felt about the synchronistic dreams of your death?
Thoughts and feelings?
You can pm me if you want.

Family systems theory states that families are intertwined and a complex social system.
We talked about your mother and daughter, but not about you.

[OneGrassRoot]

17. I am most definitely going through a difficult transition...

Sold my home, the only asset I had, to my daughter so she and my grandson could have a stable place to live. "Sold" is relative; my partner got money from it but, in order for it to be affordable for my daughter, I didn't get much at all. So, I feel stuck here on many levels. I financially don't have other living options and I'm relied upon so much for childcare that my daughter desperately doesn't want me to leave.

On top of that, my job of 30 years ended fairly suddenly due to my employer's retirement. Trying to find something else that is flexible enough to work around childcare (my goodness, the sickness that runs rampant in preschools these days!), when I'm nearly 60, has been demoralizing thus far. My daughter is going to pay me enough for childcare so that I can keep my health insurance, with Obamacare subsidies, but that is a stressor for her and adds to me feeling pathetic.

I'm not in a good place and everyone knows it. Not suicidal, just very unhappy with less hope than I've ever had in my life about positive changes in my future that provide me with some semblance of freedom, peace and contentment. I adore my grandson but he is a HANDFUL and exhausting and still in preschool. They've been here since she was pregnant so I haven't had any space or solitude, both of which I have always desperately needed (introvert here).

Obviously it could be worse. I could be unhoused altogether or all of us could be struggling with that reality or any number of other crises that we, thankfully, don't have to contend with now.

Still, I'm very unhappy about the world at large, especially having worked so hard my entire life to make positive changes (something many of us here share), and with my personal situation.

So, given death dreams often signifying rebirth (though it's that when we dream of our own death? lol), I'll take any signs of transformation on the horizon. Knowing how unhappy I am, even though it isn't new, must play in with them both dreaming of my death. They have both depended on me so much for their entire lives (my mom had me as a teen and said I raised her), and the fear that I may lose my ability (physically, mentally or emotionally) to keep helping them must weigh on them a lot in a selfish way.



ETA: The synchronicity is still interesting though, as there wasn't anything that happened in the last week which would have led to both dreams. Perhaps the collective, as you said.

[Irish_Dem]

18. Oh my, the dreams take on new meanings now.

Puzzle pieces falling into place.

Classic family systems theory, individual psychology and Jungian psychology all in the mix.

It is a tightly knit system with you as the caregiver and family rock. Raised your own mother as a child.
Now taking care of your daughter and helping to raise your grandson. They are dependent upon you for
survival.

But it has cost you personally a great deal and you are now facing significant losses.
Loss of home, job, privacy, security, freedom, finances. So there is an ongoing grieving process.

Yes the family is clearly aware of your emotional situation, consciously or unconsciously, given their dreams.
Your daughter's dream says it all. There is a dump truck full of dirt falling on you. And she feels helpless
to assist you, but she knows you are symbolically being buried which causes you deep harm.

As I said in another post here, most dreams have one piece that doesn't fit. In your daughter's dream a dump truck killed you, which was an odd symbol but now it makes perfect sense.

Your daughter dreams of you dying by suffocation, because in part that is how you feeling.
Being suffocated by family responsibilities. At a time in your life when you had hoped to have some
peace, privacy and security.

Your mother and daughter are deeply dependent upon you, but know it is causing you harm and
are terrified they may lose you.

I believe the dreams are a giant wake up call. The family system is crying out for change.
But your mother and daughter and mother feel helpless.

The transformation must come from you.

You are most certainly not pathetic. You have been courageous and self sacrificing for your family which
you learned as a child.

But now the system is telling you some changes are in order. I think you need to start asking for what you need.
Please don't let the dirt bury you, I implore you.

Are there any community resources available for childcare? To give you a break? I am also a strong introvert and without some quiet alone time, I am a mess. You must have time to yourself. Schedule that time for yourself in a private space and no one bothers you unless the house is on fire.

Can you do some fun things? It is time for self care.

Yes you have things to be grateful for. You have a roof over your head, food on the table and your daughter and grandson are taken care of and healthy. But it is no longer enough.

Right now you are stuck and see no way forward. I have planted some seeds which need to percolate for a bit.
I am feeling that there are going to be some opportunities coming your way, in the past you would not even have noticed them because you have been stuck. I am doing some gentle prodding and poking to help you move forward and get unstuck. Start noticing opportunities which will present themselves if you look. Start taking care of your self. Be active in that regard. Do not reject these ideas. Think about them in a new way.

[Delphinus]

20. This is

all so fascinating. You have a good grasp and understanding and I am grateful you are sharing.

I had a short little dream the other night that I need to look at in light of what you said - something doesn't belong. My Mom is dead but has been coming into my dreams a lot lately.

[Irish_Dem]

22. If you want to post the dream I will be happy to look at it.

Yes the part that doesn't fit is often the important part.

But sometimes the dreamer doesn't notice it.

[Irish_Dem]

24. Also, recurring dreams are often important.

You should pay attention to them.

Sometimes people are having vivid dreams but on the surface they are all different.
Analysis shows it is really the same dream over and over.

[OneGrassRoot]

21. You are very kind...

Thank you for sharing both your thoughts and encouragement. You most definitely should write that book. I don't doubt you get 1000 likes for your posts. As I said, I would be drawn to read anything you have to share.

[Irish_Dem]

23. Thank you!

Please think about what I said. I do feel there will be opportunities in front of you.
Please look for them. Try some new things, and reach out to others.

[OneGrassRoot]

25. I will. I promise. 😊 n/t

[Irish_Dem]

26. ...

[Cha]

10. Wow.. it is interesting. I like the

first poster's interpretation that it means Rebirth.

you know Saturn went into Pisces on March 7th..

The 12th House is cadent, ruled by Pisces and the planet Neptune. It stands for what's hidden behind appearances, for Karma, the development of the soul and hidden powers but also weaknesses, for dreams, lost things, private matters, prisons, hospitals and studies on spirituality

https://www.horoscopejoy.com/the-12th-house-in-astrology-beginnings-and-endings/#:~:text=The%2012th%20House%20is,hospitals%20and%20studies%20on%20spirituality.

And, so here we are with the Sun and Mercury in Pisces.. and now Saturn. Lots of Activity in this Constellation.

[OneGrassRoot]

12. Yowzer. very interesting!!!

Thanks, Cha.

[Cha]

19. YVW, OneGrassRoot💙🌊

[Irish_Dem]

16. My natal sun, moon, mercury are in Pisces.

So does that mean Saturn is going to kick my butt now?

[Delphinus]

27. I don't

know a lot about astrology, but I listen to Pam Gregory who I think is really good. Here's a link to her 40-minute video on this move of Saturn into Pisces:

&t=284s

Saturn isn't all bad.

[Irish_Dem]

28. Thank you!