the explosive rage has been nonstop
In the past, when I've felt explosive rage swirling and then release, I've checked to news to discover some major unexpected violence occurred somewhere, whether human or earth (eg the 8+ earthquake in Chile a couple years back).
This time round, there has been no end to it. It started a couple days before the Aurora shooting. No letup after that shooting, or the subsequent bombings, the temple shooting, the temple burnings, etc. There is at most a brief respite, and then it comes surging back.
It's been an inferno for 2-3 days now. In my personal terms, I've alternated between inner calm and receiving mode (more gotten detail on the real assignment I've chosen 
and sending mode (rage around my perimeter around work). they stiffed me the annual bonus *and* a day's pay. I never asked about the bonus. I was immediately blamed for the lost day's pay -- supposedly I hadn't filled out the payroll adjustment sheet when their online system was broken. Then when they stopped lying and actually looked at the sheet, found me on in the middle of the page not crossed out, and promised immediate compensation. That was 9 days ago; still no money. I'm sending mental threats to take it to the dept. of labor. There's been some discussion about me "gathering the goods" on them with the response that I haven't gathered anything, they've been shoving it down my throat.
= new reply since forum marked as read
learning to distinguish between my own feelings/reactions/thoughts and the free floating stuff "out there." I accurately predicted the Chile quake in here (old DU) and seen correlations when comparing what I'm feeling with certain astrologers.
I'm not looking for a fight. The message I'm sending out is pay me what you owe or I go to the dept. of labor. That simple.
One thing I learned in my last job in phone customer support, is that when I think I'm sounding calm and peaceful, I sound incredibly wishy-washy. When I think I'm really projecting almost too loudly, I sound normal and positive. The couple times somebody got under my skin and I was afraid I sounded angry, I just sounded more assertive but nothing more.
It was a real lesson, and I think it applies to when I'm sending messages into the ether. I seem to need to gin up a lot of energy to project anything, and it all starts to feel like anger to me because of the effort involved. Maybe has to do with my superlow BP (100/60). 
Last edited Mon Aug 20, 2012, 02:33 PM - Edit history (1)
I meant she didn't cause the tsunami.
My opinion: People don't "cause" energy. Everything *is* energy. Matter is "frozen" energy. Thoughts are energy. Emotion is energy; energy in motion.
We choose how we express the energy, consciously or unconsciously, directly (eg by taking actions that we know are not a good way to go) or indirectly (eg by eating something that doesn't agree with us, upsets our biochemistry, etc). Sometimes we don't choose it (say, if we get poisoned or somebody attacks us). There is nothing inherently wrong with any manifestation; it is either appropriate or inappropriate. So say, for example, if somebody attacks us physically, rage powers us to resist and defend ourselves, or fear powers us to run faster. What is important is to burn that energy fully and then let it go.
When I say there is a lot of rage energy swirling around out there, I mean that a lot of energy is swirling around like a hurricane, and a lot of people out there are manifesting it as rage.
For those of us who are "empathic" or very sensitive to it, it can be very easy to get our own energy confused with other people's. Lately, stepping out into the world has seemed like like stepping into a raging hurricane, and it's easy to get swept into the energy and swept into a different manifestation than we choose.
It reminds me of a large traffic circle (rotary or turnabout in various regions) entering Salem, Mass. It is 3 lanes across with exits all the way around and I remember driving into for the 1st time, during rush hour, with a friend. Getting onto the circle and into an inside lane without get broadsided by oncoming traffic was terrifyingly dangerous. Once on the circle, if you got into the outside lane at the wrong moment, you would be swept into the wrong exit. We drove around that circle 3 times, screaming the entire way, trying to time our move into the outside lane so we'd head the way we wanted. 
The energy out there for the past few weeks has reminded me of that. We're trying to stay on the healthy positive path. It is easy right now to step outside and get broadsided by somebody flying around in a rage. And easy to get swept into a different exit than the one we are trying to choose.
I agree totally of passive-aggressive people; those who weren't allowed or are afraid to express their anger, so it comes outs in sneak attacks. Their anger is trapped inside of them and they need to explore and resolve it in a better way.
That's not what I'm talking about here at all. In fact, the opposite. Trying to sort out what is my own anger or fear, versus what is just the energy out there. I am empathic and where I work is a place overflowing with fear energy. Not the patients, either. The staff. I feel nauseous at the thought of going there. I need to drum up a lot of energy and keep it on the perimeter of my aura to protect myself from direct attacks. The instant most people there make mistakes, they immediately try to pin it on somebody else. There are only a couple people there that I know of, other than me, who does not do that.
Furthermore, in the lab the physical atmosphere is terrible. The instruments de-ionize the air terribly, plus there are chemicals everywhere. They filter the air constantly, or so they say. But it is terribly. Working 2nd shift, I don't always have time to shower and re-expose myself to highly ionized water and air afterwards. So that stresses me as well. I find it a challenge to clean that bad energy off and out of me, so that I can be left with just my energy.
Yes, the intensity of the tsquare to Uranus in Aries passed about a week ago.
Sounds to me that you have integrated it perfectly. Story book perfect.
That's how to deal with or internalize it.
Congrats! Enjoy your new freedom! 
yay yay yay 
Day before yesterday, the 3rd shift person arrived, yelling and slamming things around. Yelling about routine work that hasn't been done yet. She arrives this way all the time. Then a body fluid arrives, and I start to feel panicky. We don't get body fluids very often, there is no complete written procedure for them. You have to run around looking for each piece and just "kind of figure out" the holes.
She is now yelling some more, and I tell her to be careful because I'm about this close (fingers 1/2 inch part) to walking out. She yells at me to go ahead and leave then, everybody knows I don't like it here, everybody knows I want to leave so just get out. Just go home!!!!!
I yell back for her to STOP YELLING AT ME!!!! JUST STOP IT! YOU ALWAYS COME IN HERE YELLING AT ME! JUST STOP IT! I KNEW ABOUT THE ROUTINES! THEY WERE NOT FORGOTTEN. I SET THEM ASIDE BECAUSE I WAS RUNNING ED STATS ALL AFTERNOON AND THEN TOOK A DINNER BREAK!!!!
And then everything settled down, we raced through the work and she started talking to me instead of yelling at me. Turns out the lab manager and supervisor had stayed late and overheard the yelling. They slunk out and headed home. The lab manager -- this is the bully -- actually had a guilty look on her face as she told me to have a good evening.
Later that night, 3rd shift tech and I hugged. Air cleared.
Yesterday on my way to work, a semi pulling a load of porta-toilets tried to gun it out onto coastal 1. Somehow didn't see my bright red car until he'd lurched forward about 15 feet into the road and then slammed on his brakes. All I could do was swerve around him to be kept from being broadsided. And then slam on my brakes to keep from slamming into the little v.w. who saw the semi as *their* chance to race into traffic...right in front of me! 
About 100 feet later, as I was accelerating to try to catch up to traffic, another car gunned it onto the road from the opposite lane, in front of me. Slammed on the brakes again. Insanity continued for the rest of the trip with people weaving in and out while I cowered in the right hand and slow lanes; somehow I made it there in one piece.
Third shift person, this time the laid back guy, arrived in a worse mood than usual. Yelling every time I asked an innocent question (like, where did this specimen come from? when it magically appeared by the spinner, and I didn't know if it needed spinning or it was a spare to spec already spinning). He got into a phone yelling match with a doctor ("Why are you ordering a troponin again on xyz?!?!? I just did a trope 3 hours ago on xyz?!?!). But eventually he settled down too.
Thank dog I now have 7 days off in a row. Relief....
