It's That Time of year again, folks!

[frogmarch]

http://kitchenandkids.com/2013/03/19/teachable-moments-resurrection-cookies-and-resurrection-rolls/

Teachable Moments:

Resurrection Cookies and Resurrection Rolls

snips:

1) Preheat oven to 300 degrees.
2) Place the nuts in a baggy and give your child a wooden spoon and have them beat the nuts into pieces. As they are doing this let them know that the Roman soldier beat Jesus. Read John 19:1-3. After the nuts are in pieces set them aside.

3) Now put a small amount of vinegar on your little one’s finger and have them taste it. Pour 1 tsp. vinegar into mixing bowl. After they tasted the vinegar ask them what they though? Was it good? Was it bitter? Tell them that as Jesus was on the cross the soldiers gave Jesus vinegar to drink. Read John 19:28-30.

...

11) Leave the cookies in the oven over-night. Make sure you turned the oven off. Now your children might be upset they have to leave the cookies overnight, but this is a great time to tell them how sad Jesus’ followers were when the tomb was sealed and they had to leave Jesus. Read John 16:20-22

12) The next morning, open your oven, pull out your cookies and observe what happened. The cookies should be hollow on the inside. Tell your child that is exactly how Jesus’ tomb was found – Empty! Read Matthew 28:1-9 and enjoy your cookies.

Photo: Resurrection Cookies/Jesus's Empty Tomb - YUM!



More steps + pictures + Resurrection Rolls recipe at the link.

[bvf]

1. Thanks for this.

Yep. Start 'em young and be sure to add sugar.

Perfect recipe.

[Heddi]

2. wait...is this real?

[progressoid]

7. Yep,

Although the cookies are a new twist. Last year I had only heard of the rolls. http://www.democraticunderground.com/123021463

[Heddi]

8. Church sure has gotten fucked up since the mid 80's when I was a kid

back then, we'd make palm fronds out of construction paper and then go on an easter egg hunt. No one gave a shit about shit like this. Fuck this, you're fucking up your kids, please stop having children and doing this shit

[Lordquinton]

12. We had actual palm leaves

We had them cut into lengths and folded them into crosses.

Then we burned them.

[Heddi]

19. When we got old enough not to cry if our fingers got sliced by the razor-edged palm fronds

we got to use real palm fronds. Actually from Palmetto trees, but no one cares, they look tropical.

[dixiegrrrrl]

3. Those poor little minds.

[mountain grammy]

4. What? No chocolate?

Fuck those cookies.

[AlbertCat]

5. and observe what happened. The cookies should be hollow on the inside.

Last edited Wed Apr 1, 2015, 04:47 PM - Edit history (1)

"Just like the verisimilitude of these myths", tell your children.




Y'know, you might also give your children a dictionary so they can look up "verisimilitude"... and start a real learning experience.

[Heddi]

9. The cookies should be hollow on the inside

just like your cranium once you've begun accepting this twaddle as fact

[beam me up scottie]

6. Uh-oh!

Looks like mom might have gone too far with the Resurrection Rolls:

1) Preheat oven to 375 degrees. While your oven is pre-heating read John 19 – 20:1-10 to your kids, as a side note make sure that is actually what you read them or you will be scratching your head and wondering how in the world does this pertain to Jesus’ crucifixion and resurrection.

Ok, seriously, wtf? Why on earth would you read something so violent to your toddler?

6) The crescent roll is representative of the linens that Jesus was wrapped in. Place the oiled and spiced marshmallow in the middle of the large portion of the crescent roll and fold the edges all around the marshmallow. It will NOT look like a crescent roll, but more like a little boulder. (How apropos?)

7) Place your little marshmallow boulders on parchment paper on a cookie sheet and then slide into the tomb (oven) for about 12 minutes. Don’t let your little ones watch them bake or cool, it needs to be a surprise.

8) After cooking remove from the oven and let them cool.

9) Break a cooled roll apart and show your little one.


What do they see? If they are like most little ones they won’t see anything and they will be amazed the marshmallow isn’t there. This is when you liken it to when Jesus rose and the tomb was left empty except for his linen cloth. However, be careful they might be like my little pistol and say “Oh, the marshmallows melted and they aren’t there anymore.” There was absolutely no amazement on her part.

An atheist in the making...

[Heddi]

10. Violence Porn

after reading that quaint little excerpt to your 4 year old, let them know that later that night the family will be gathering around the ol' 47 inch Samsung for a fun-filled night of Faces of Death. Remind them that only losers and gays cover their eyes during the more realistic parts. Then, when it's time for bed, turn off all the lights, close the door, and ignore the cries that come from their nightmares.

[beam me up scottie]

11. I'm surprised she didn't splatter red food gel all over the "tomb".

To show the little ones where Jay-zus bled out.

[onager]

13. Corn Dogs would be easier...

[mr blur]

14. Cosmic Jewish Zombie Weekend?

Cool!

[onager]

15. Hey, we Godly Americans take this weekend very seriously!

Some of the ways Americans celebrate Easter:

1. Sunrise Services - because God hates late-sleepers or something. Our politicians especially enjoy showing up at these things. Probably because they suspect Gawd may be watching closer than usual, since our football season is over.

2. Buying new clothes - And wearing them to church for Easter services, to show off. Fortunately Easter sermons rarely deal with humility.

3. Easter Egg Hunts - a bribe for little kids, after they sit thru the 1,457th retelling of The Easter Story. I've seen this one in person and it's hilarious. Four and 5-year-olds are not very good at hiding their real feelings. So while some adult is droning on and on about the Miracle Of The Resurrection, those little faces are saying: "Yeah, yeah, we KNOW all that. Now give with the chocolate!"

4. Giant Easter dinner - usually centered around a giant ham (no reference to Kirk Cameron intended). Good liberal Xians will offer to share with their Jewish and Muslim neighbors.

[iwillalwayswonderwhy]

16. Nuts in the cookies

Represent the parents, right?

[frogmarch]

17. Either that, or

maybe this:

"Yes, kiddies, grab your wooden spoons and give those nuts a good whacking, just like the Roman soldier did to Jesus’s."

Regardless, yep, any parent who'd want their kid to make these cookies is nuts.

[onager]

18. Forget this step and...

...Mom gets a REAL "teachable moment:"

11) Leave the cookies in the oven over-night. Make sure you turned the oven off.

"Sorry kids, I just wanted to make Magic Jesus Cookies for you. I really didn't mean to burn the house down..."