Exorcists warn Vatican over 'beautiful young vampires' and satanic yoga

[Warren Stupidity]

Too much Twilight Saga for these clowns.

The proliferation of “beautiful young vampires” in TV series and Hollywood films including True Blood and the Twilight movies is encouraging young people to dabble with occult forces, a leading authority on demonic possession has warned a Vatican-backed exorcism course.

“There are those who try to turn people into vampires and make them drink other people’s blood, or encourage them to have special sexual relations to obtain special powers,” said Professor Giuseppe Ferrari at the meeting in Rome, which heard that the number of such possessions is rising globally. “These groups are attracted by the so-called beautiful young vampires that we’ve seen so much of in recent years.”

...

Father Cesare is a protégé of Father Gabriele Amorth, the Vatican’s chief exorcist for 25 years, who claims to have dealt with 70,000 cases of demonic possession. Father Amorth said that sex abuse scandals in the Roman Catholic Church were proof that “the Devil is at work inside the Vatican”. He took a similarly dim view of fantasy novels and yoga. Practising the latter, he once warned, was “satanic; it leads to evil just like reading Harry Potter”.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/exorcists-warn-vatican-over-beautiful-young-vampires-and-satanic-yoga-10174001.html

70,000 incidents of harmful delusional behavior by vatican officials over the last 25 years - that is 2800 per year, or around 7 every day.

[nil desperandum]

1. Indeed

you just can't make this stuff up....

[mountain grammy]

2. Dear Vatican,

It's fiction and you should know fiction when you see it.

Grammy

[Binkie The Clown]

3. If they could recognize fiction they wouldn't believe the Bible. n/t

[mountain grammy]

4. Good point, but how much do they really believe?

Belief is pretty profitable.

[trotsky]

5. Hard to write better comedy.

But don't forget, the folks who believe this stuff literally are just a tiny, insignificant minority. It's not like they represent the official teachings of the single largest Christian church in the world.

[Lordquinton]

6. the pope is great, if you ignore the bad stuff

Like someon this site suggest you do.

[trotsky]

9. But if you see Richard Dawkins put on a silly T-shirt...

or publish an inappropriate tweet, HE'S A BIGOTED HORRIBLE ANTI-THEIST WHO NEEDS TO GO THE WAY OF HIS BELOVED DINOSAURS!!! WARRRGGARBBBLL

[Lordquinton]

8. not comedy, but action!

Vampires who get their strength from yoga fighting the vatacin!

Wait, it saw this one...
Hellsing Ultimate OVA Episode 1 English Dub HD 1080p:

[LostOne4Ever]

13. Damn you for posting a Hellsing link before me T.T

"I highly recommend pissing yourself, followed by a course of praying to your impotent God."

[font style="font-family:'Georgia','Baskerville Old Face','Helvetica',fantasy;" size=4 color=teal]Quote from the series.

So many heads in certain other areas of DU would explode if they saw that series in its entirety. [/font]

[Lordquinton]

20. I may pass for a normal person

but deep down I am the alpha nerd.

[Arugula Latte]

11. Also, anyone who does anything bad at any time and place is not a real Christian.

[AtheistCrusader]

15. Can make it action, too.

[Lordquinton]

19. That Hellsing is a chump

He'd never stand up to the Vatican's enforcers!

[AlbertCat]

7. When is the Catholic Church gonna turn away from this silly demonic magic crap?...

.... and concentrate on more important real things.... like transubstantiation?

[Arugula Latte]

10. Ya know, I agree. It's fucking WEIRD to drink blood.

And it's also fucking WEIRD to eat Jesus jerky.

[onager]

12. "A leading authority on demonic possession..."

The article had me with that line. Sounds something like "a leading authority on capturing unicorns."

Because I waste lots of time watching true-crime TV, I'm familiar with Rod Ferrell. He claimed to be a 500-yr-old immortal vampire.

Ferrell killed his girlfriend's parents, so the immortality should come in handy. He'll be spending his next 2 lifetimes in Florida State Prison.

[Stuckinthebush]

14. Wrong...it's not demons

[PeaceNikki]

16. I would like more info on this "Satanic Yoga". is that like Bikram?

That shit is hot and sweaty.

Have you guys seen this? I saw a flyer for it some time ago and it cracked me up.

http://www.wholyfit.com

I Used to Teach Yoga

I thought that I could witness by becoming a yoga teacher. During yoga certification I realized that I had to compromise my faith in order to become certified… they were praying to idols, chanting in Sanskrit that they gave their souls “completely to Shiva.” I had my little Psalms prayer card in hand to say outloud. While they chanted, I would pray to “my God.” But there came a time when I could no longer bow my knees in an environment where it could be mistaken as bowing to Shiva (“The Destroyer.”)

Lol

[Warren Stupidity]

17. Much hotter than bikram.

The basic idea is that your body fat literally melts away while you hold a position balancing over pits of lava.

[PeaceNikki]

18. Hrm, sounds intriguing. I am a fan of a weight loss plan which includes the ability to still enjoy

buttercream frosting.