I love you anyway

[Brainstormy]

I've been a conscious atheist for many years now. I've been through lots of stages, including the closeted, timorous mouse stage, the mostly just uncomfortable what-do-I-do-with myself in X situations ? newbie, the knowledge-acquiring growth stage, the militant in-your-face let's-fight-about-it stage, and most recently the what are you gonna' do, life is too short, you can't wake up folks who don't know they're sleeping stage. I've been ostracized and mocked, but luckily I haven't suffered terribly since coming out. Members of my family, while mostly believers, are generally well-educated, tolerant folks. What DOES happen sometimes--it happened today -- is that someone I really like discovers I'm not a believer and says to me, with tenderness and pity in their eyes, that they "love me anyway."

It just stops me in my tracks. My immediate reaction is hostility. Belligerence. FURY! (I know, I know. ) It's like I want to punch out this person who "loves me anyway" because I'm rational.

Does this happen to anyone else? Is this Freud, Jung, Carl Sagan, George Carlin? Somebody PLEASE tell me you've had the experience of practically wanting to KILL someone who loves you anyway. And then tell me how you handle it. I'm feeling crummy. small. petty. Not very rational.

[Cartoonist]

1. The common reaction I get

Is one of bewilderment that anyone could be an atheist. I don't know if they still love me.

[AlbertCat]

2. Once...

..... I was waiting for my friend Pam to get off work at this Bar at the beach, and I had a beer with 2 of her boy friends...who kept making snide, but not rude (and kinda funny really) gay quips at me which I would make snarky comebacks to. Then one slapped me on the shoulder and said, "Y'know, you're ok!"

I just very sarcastically said "I'm so very glad you approve. I don't know what I'd do if you didn't."


And that is my standard reply to "love you anyway".

[Brainstormy]

9. LOL. Love it!

Maybe I won't be paralyzed and tongue-tied next time!

[Curmudgeoness]

3. This has happened to me more than once,

along with the "you are too nice to be an atheist" or the "but how can you be so moral". I can't give you advice on this, since I have not evolve to the "what are you gonna do" stage. But I did learn a long time ago that a backhanded compliment is still a compliment, so I usually just laugh and say "that is very Christian of you" or "I love you anyway too".

[Brainstormy]

10. don't think I can do the

"very Christian of you" bit but "I love you anyway too" works. Thanks!

[Curmudgeoness]

12. You do have to choose who you say what to.

Some people don't do jokes well, and some do.

[Warren Stupidity]

11. I've never been told I'm too nice to be an atheist.

I am hasing a sads.

[Curmudgeoness]

13. I don't believe it!

I am sure that you can be a nice and giving person. You must just have sucky friends and acquaintances.

[Warren Stupidity]

14. It's true! Everyone I know sucks!

I knew there had to be an explanation. I feel much betters now.

[onager]

4. This probably won't help but just in case..

I totally understand the feeling "crummy small and petty." I used to think I felt that way because the religious person was being "bigger" than me, and loving me in spite of my faults.

Now I think FTS. Being an atheist is not a fault. And if that person really loves me, and knows I'm an atheist, they just won't mention the subject.

[Brainstormy]

7. I think you nailed it

it makes me feel morally inferior somehow. But I DO need to remind myself that being an atheist is not a fault.

[LiberalAndProud]

5. It's someone you really like, so I'd have the conversation.

Did you love me before you knew this about me? Why is it necessary for you to tell me that you "love me anyway" as if you had just discovered a flaw that would make me unlovable were you not so loving? Do you feel that believing something without evidence makes you superior to me in some unseeable way?

I'd pursue the conversation, if I really like the person. If I really don't care about the person for good or ill, my reaction would be entirely different. It would take the form of, "Well fuck you, too."

[cleanhippie]

6. Just say you do too.

I love you, regardless of the irrational beliefs you choose to hold.

Works every time.

[Brainstormy]

8. and that's good advice, too

I'll try to store that "regardless" part. Thanks!