I need help responding to, "I'll pray for him."

[Holly_Hobby]

My husband is having major surgery to remove part of his kidney due to probable cancer. After telling ALL of our friends, neighbors and family members, I'm tired of being told they will put him on their prayer chain.

He needs REAL help - like cutting our lawn and moving the trash cans to the curb once a week. I'm disabled and can't do much besides laundry and light housework.

I'm tired of having to pay strangers to do something the "Christian" folks in our lives should be doing. My husband is gonna let 'em have it, he's fed up, but I don't want him burning bridges.

What could I say to the next person who wants to pray for him? Or am I wrong here? Thank you.

[Adsos Letter]

1. I am not a member of this group.

If my advice is unwelcome, then I apologize and will withdraw it.

I would say something like this: "Thank you. We could really use some help with some simple things around the house while we go through this."

You may be pleasantly surprised at the response you get (hopefully). In any case, you'll find out who is actually walking the walk.

[SusanCalvin]

12. Hey, I like that.

I hope I have the presence of mind to try it the next time it comes up.

[Cartoonist]

2. I'm as fed up as your husband

I originally wrote a nasty reply about their hypocrisy. I'm letting them get to me.

[mountain grammy]

3. I would simply say, thank you..

if you're serious about helping, I could use some help around the house.

a reminder to all of us, just telling someone you're thinking of them isn't enough. If you're in the position to do so, offer real help.

[Warpy]

4. Well, "thanks for the ultimate in slacktivism" won't make any friends.

I think the only response is "thanks." You can roll your eyes and sigh as you walk away.

If you're really at wits' end, tell them something that would be more useful, like "It would help a lot more if you'd help me get him off the floor and back into his wheelchair." You'd be surprised by how many of the godly need to be told the obvious.

[Fumesucker]

5. It depends what kind of relationship you want to have and who they are in the first place

I'd be tempted to say "Thank you and I'll think for you." but I probably wouldn't because mundanes seldom have that sort of sense of humor.

The parable of the Good Samaritan is a decent start with Christians, the two holy men of the same religion passed by the injured man as if he were rotten meat while the heathen stopped and rendered aid, took the guy to an inn and paid for his care. Jesus asked who was really the injured man's brother and the answer was clearly the Samaritan, not the guys who talked the talk but didn't walk the walk.

Read the parable and make your own interpretation but that's essentially it..

[onager]

16. That started as a Samaritan ethnic joke.

Or so I've read, from people smarter than me (which is everybody).

The residents of Judea and Samaria never got along. Mostly because of - SURPRISE! - religion. They worshipped similar monotheistic but different gods. The Samaritans had their own god, scriptures, holy mountain, etc. etc.

The Sunday School story of the "Good Samaritan" started as a way for the Samaritans to poke fun at their neighbors: "Look at those self-righteous, stiff-necked Jews! One of their own lies bleeding in a ditch and they won't even stop to help him. Only one of us helped!"

And like many such stories, it was eventually co-opted by the other side to make them look better.

There was one recorded incident when the Jews and Samaritans worked together, according to Isaac Asimov's "Guide to the Bible." They were jointly ruled by the son of Herod the Great, Herod Archelaus, who seems to have been a major screw-up on an epic, G.W. Bush scale. The two groups formed a joint committee and complained to the Roman governor in Syria. The Romans must have agreed. They not only removed Archelaus from office, they sent him as far away from Palestine as possible - to the Roman outpost in the city known today as Vienna, Austria.

Long as I'm here - according to Flavius Josephus, the one Messiah who directly challenged Roman authority came from Samaria, not Nazareth. Sometime after Alleged Jesus was executed, a Samaritan Messiah gathered a huge mob and marched it to the Samaritan holy mountain, while preaching about removing the Romans from the area etc.

This episode ended the usual way - Pontius Pilate held a trial, found the Messiah innocent, then got scared of the mob, reversed himself and had the prisoner crucified. Just kidding! Pilate promptly sent in his troops, killed a bunch of the insurgents, captured their Messiah and executed him.

[cleanhippie]

6. Respond with what you wrote: He needs REAL help - like cutting our lawn and moving the trash cans...

Have the pious put their money where their mouth is. You find out who your real friends are at the same time!!!

[mrmpa]

7. I would say "thank you".............

it's what some people do, but ask them if they could extend their prayers to helping you out, by taking out your trash on trash day, "could you or your kids mow our lawn, etc.

I just read a mystery where the main character came home from the hospital & had to use a wheelchair. His neighbors without asking mowed his lawn & trimmed his hedges. He was good at car mechanics & he would teach his neighbors how to change brakes. The neighborhood was a "swap" neighborhood, where people got things done helping each other.

[Curmudgeoness]

8. You were very clear with us about what you really need.

Let them know that you need help. Tell them what you just told us. People usually will step up if they know what they can do to help. If they don't know, they say that they will pray.

[Hoppy]

9. We are lucky in our town. We have two websites. One is the political one for town news, like when is

recycling and stuff like that. The other is a site with the town's name Maplewood Online. It is a commercial venture that has bee in operation for about 20 years. It makes a profit.

Anyway, the point is that anyone who posts on the message board for needing help, gets that help. There is a section to welcome newcomers to the community. There are sections for gripes and stuff.

While this may not help the original poster, it might be an opportunity for someone to set up similar websites in their community. Or maybe ask if the town's political site can add a section for messages.

Original poster might also check if there is a social service agency in her town that might find assistance for her needs.

[rurallib]

10. that is brilliant!

may have to steal for our little town.

[Hoppy]

14. Good Luck. Google Maplewood Online and see what a great site it is.

[rurallib]

11. So many folks said to tell folks of the real help you need. That is not easy

About a year ago, Mrs. Lib had surgery. We got many of the same "pray for you" responses. Finally I was so frustrated that when one said the prayer thing I said "What I really need is someone to sit with her while I do some chores that must be done."
The person was just delighted to help. Once I broke the barrier I had no problem speaking out, asking for someone to cut the grass and even for a meal when I was harried.

Oddly enough some of the mainline churches in town may have a group of people (or teens working to get some good work credits for college) that will help out. Our high school has a 'silver cord' program where kids do good deeds and they get credits on their transcripts.

[Holly_Hobby]

13. Thank you for all the sensible responses...

I talked to my husband again tonight after reading the responses to him. I guess we're just plain angry - we've always been there for these people.

He told me to send a mass email, detailing what he needs and ask for volunteers. We'll see if anyone responds. He feels if they get an email rather than face-to-face, he will get responses from the ones actually willing to help and won't feel shamed into offering.

All we really need is the lawn cut. A neighbor has offered to take our trash cans to the street. We also have 2 window air conditioners that will need to go in, but we've decided to hire it out.

Thanks again, appreciate your advice.

[DetlefK]

15. "As long as it makes you feel better."

[Holly_Hobby]

18. Ouch :) n/t

[Lordquinton]

17. Ask for a gift receipt nt

[Holly_Hobby]

19. LMAO! I must resist the temptation...

I doubt they would "get" it anyway.

[Iggo]

20. "Knock yourself out."

Then, I'm jaded.

[Holly_Hobby]

22. LOL, love it! n/t

[Arugula Latte]

21. Deflect it by asking for real help and pointing them to a specific web page?

Maybe could you post a list of things you need help with on a site like caringbridge.org or something similar and say something like: "No pressure, but if you're interested in helping, I've spelled out what I'd appreciate help with at XXX address."

[Holly_Hobby]

23. That's a great idea, thank you n/t