Dressing Divinely

[Brainstormy]

Ok, folks, I'm back at the trough. You've helped me tremendously in the past, not just with my book in progress, but with ideas and thoughts for my Meet-up group Deep Dives on issues of concern to Atheists/Agnostics/Humanists. This is an appeal for material for a chapter on religious clothing, (and accessories and hair and jewelry, etc.). Beyond the Mormon underwear and the Pope's red shoes, there's a TON of material, but I want to know what YOU think is funniest, most ridiculous, most ironic in terms of what folks wear/have worn to identify themselves as "Holy." And what you think when you see such garb. All ideas gratefully accepted.

[Glorfindel]

1. hmmmm..........here are a few

https://www.sadanduseless.com/awkward-christian-albums/

[Marie Marie]

4. Oh dear. I am speechless...

because I can't stop laughing.

[Merlot]

6. Apparently a puppet...and a behive-hive hairdo...?

[mountain grammy]

7. Priceless!!

[3catwoman3]

8. The clothes are truly dreadful...

...and the hairdos are worse.

Good gawd!

[Brainstormy]

14. there's something about the hairdos

that makes it so obvious that religions are manmade. God seems as obsessed with telling folks how they must wear their hair (long, short, bald, Shirley Temple curly q's, beard, no beard, don't round your sideburns, etc., as he is with sex!

[The Genealogist]

17. That was truly hilarious

People mocked Tammy Faye Bakker for her makeup, but there are some truly horrifying hair-dos on the women in those albums. As John Waters would say "HAIR HOPPERS!"

[TygrBright]

2. Well, there's always the wonderful story about Tallulah Bankhead...

...visiting a Catholic Church on one of the big feast days.

There she sits in an aisle seat, done up to the nines, watching the procession pass on the way to the altar. First the deacon carrying the cross, then more deacons with the book and the chalice, then altar boys with candles, then concelebrants in their fancy colored cassocks with embroidered chasubles, then the celebrant himself, in full regalia, swinging a censer full of incense.

They reach her pew, and she nods as each one passes. But as the celebrant comes level with her she leans out and growls "Your dress is DIVINE, darling. But your purse is on fire!"

helpfully,
Bright

[Brainstormy]

13. Hilarious! Never heard that!

priceless. (and I'll look up "chasubles&quot

[BigmanPigman]

3. A cross made from palm ashes on a person's forehead

is pretty odd for me to witness from adults, especially on TV like Laura Ingraham.

[Binkie The Clown]

5. Numerous examples from all over the world prove that god only loves you if you wear a funny hat. nt

[Brainstormy]

12. Hats are important!

I'm going to have a section. we've got turbans, yarmulkes, the Pope's pointy hat, etc. But the Greek gods! Everything from scorpions to buildings. Think I'll have to get into hairdos, too.

[progressoid]

9. This is what happens when you ban gays from the crew of your televangelist tv show...

[Brainstormy]

11. Boy, that's hard to unsee! n/t

[Freelancer]

10. Okay. Why is it that religions make women dress wierder than men?

Where I live, I'm hip-deep in Apostolic Christians. The women all have to wear denim skirts down below the knee, their hair in a bun, but the men don't have to dress any different than other men on the street. It's totally unfair! I mean, how can you target them with your truck with any certainty, unless you see them together? [MONSTER KIDDING!]

Hasidic Jews are the only sect I can think of that require male adherents to dress in a way that singles themselves out more than the women. Catholics dress normally, but the priests get by with a black jacket and the tongue depressor neck thing, while nuns... well, I'm not sure what nuns have to wear now. I'm sure it's not as cool as a black jacket, though. And the Muslim Hidjab? Wow.

[Brainstormy]

20. I'm interested in the

"denim" skirts and hair in a bun deal. Is this a particular sect?

[Freelancer]

21. Maybe. I've never researched it. Here's what I know...

Apostolic women with this look are a fairly common sight in Central Illinois. I know a little about their ways.

The men mostly hire and favor business with others in their clan. Even when they work for Corporations, (Caterpillar) they give a leg-up to other Apostolics whenever possible. They meet at the house of one of the sect members every Sunday, to pray and have ceremonies, on a rotating basis. The men kiss each other on the mouth, when greeting each other, at these meetings. Some men grow beards, but not all. Apostolic girls are allowed to turn down one suitor from within the church. If she turns down a second, she isn't approached again. I'm guessing there are exceptions.

I lost my best friend to this Christian sect 15 or so years ago. He fell in love with an Apostolic girl, and joined their church.

Before their wedding, he came to the door to give me a shoe box containing all the stuff from his old life that was forbidden in his new one. Some of the things were from times spent together with our circle of friends over the years. Other things were just things he had that had to be gotten rid-of for him to live as a proper Apostolic. There was a bolo tie from Arizona with Kokopeli on it. There were some new age paperbacks, a ring with a yin-yang symbol and a stack of photos from powwows.

I never saw him again. He not only scraped me off. He also cut off his sister, who is a lesbian. His mother was terribly hurt by the schism of it all. He still sends a family photo Christmas card to everybody every year. They have two beautiful kids. He certainly paid a price for that life and he wasn't the only one. Why it had to be this way eludes me. I still miss him a lot.

[progressoid]

15. We have a fair amount of Hutterites around here.

All cotton clothes. Scarf thingy on the women's head. Dresses are actually often fairly colorful in contrast to the Amish or Mennonites. My wife has seen them buy multiple bolts of the same fabric for their dresses.

Men in black pants and a plain shirt. Sometimes a black hat.

We called them the Church of the Vans for a long time. Because they all seemed to travel in vans.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hutterite#Clothing

[Brainstormy]

18. That is SO interesting!

I was oblivious, but will check it out. Thanks!

[Brainstormy]

23. Fascinating!

new one on me. Thanks so much for the info!

[OriginalGeek]

16. The fundamentalist baptist sect I was raised in

had very strict rules for what was proper attire both in and out of church. Though most rules were broken by most of the people I knew there were a few that stuck to it.
Women should always wear dresses that went at least an inch below the bottom of their knee-caps. (and teachers at my school had rulers to check). women should never wear pants.
men wore suits and ties to church and any church sponsored function.
men's hair had to be off the collar and off the ears.
women could wear make-up because, and I quote our pastor, "if the barn needs paintin', paint it"
oh, by the way, men didn't part their hair in the middle either. Wings were for sissies.*
In my xtian high school the girls did have PE but apparently there was an exception to the dresses rule because they wore culottes for PE. They also had to be below the knee and looked like dresses.


This was all in the 70s and I haven't been to church except for funerals since 1981 so no idea if they are still as strict. Seems to me they always found loopholes for shit they were adamant about for everyone else.




*Their words, not mine.

[Brainstormy]

19. very similar to my upbringing

with the exception of NOT painting women's faces. (My grandmother allowed for a little lipstick.). At church summer camp boys and girls had different swimming times, with cabin doors and windows closed while the other gender participated, because "mixed bathing"--the expression still cracks me up--wasn't allowed.

[OriginalGeek]

22. i don't think we ever got to go swimming lol

at least, not as a church/youth group function. We did get to go roller skating a couple times but the older people complained about the music so they stopped doing that lol. All that rock and roll gonna make us rebel or, worse, stir our loins.

(note to elders: our loins were well stirred before we got to the skating rink)

[Brainstormy]

24. Oh, I know

The Beatles sent me, and all my friend, directly to Perdition.