The holidays are looming

[Marthe48]

I wish I could disappear until January.

[GreenPartyVoter]

1. *hugs*

[Marthe48]

2. thank you

I feel selfish for bringing it up now. If there is a fund-raiser around Christmas, maybe I can talk my family into adopting a family in Houston, take our minds off of here.

[GreenPartyVoter]

3. Not selfish at all!! What is happening in the world is horrible, but

it doesn't negate our own pain. I do love your idea of doing something good for someone else who is hurting. I think it's a wonderful plan!

[Marthe48]

4. I'm glad I checked in

writing helps clarify things.

[GreenPartyVoter]

5. I am glad you did, too. It helps to have a chance to

sort things out like that.

[No Vested Interest]

10. We all know that the first year of our loss is the hardest.

Each day is a reminder of what that particular day, month, or season was in years past.
It can help (sometimes) to remember that this huge loss is part of the human experience.
One half of all those who are married will be widowed.
We are part of that huge mass of humanity, past and present, who are wending our way through these difficult days.

I do not wish to diminish your hurt and pain at this time.
Just trying to put a little "big picture" into your thoughts.

Do come back to this group as you wish and need during the coming months.

[Marthe48]

12. I know

most have my own family has gone ahead of me. If there isn't a reminder about one, there's a reminder about another. John helped me find strength to live with loss, and he showed me a million reasons that made it worth it to stay. every single morning, he said something that made me laugh. We'll meet by the moon someday.

[raven mad]

6. ...............

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

7. Oh, dear. It's only early September.

Please don't let whatever your loss is affect so much of the year.

[Marthe48]

8. My husband passed away in Jan. 2017

married 45 years, almost 46. Just don't feel like doing it. After I wrote here, I did talk to our older daughter about the holidays. I need to talk to our younger daughter and her kids. I want to help them through this too, just as they are helping me. We'll work it out.

Thank you for your kind thoughts.

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

9. Ohhh, no I get it.

You're getting too close to the anniversary, and that's incredibly difficult.

I hope you are able to spend the time needed with your daughters and grandchildren.

Hugs.

[Marthe48]

11. 224 days

[orleans]

13. i love your comment:

"We'll meet by the moon someday."

and from your previous sentence, i suspect the both of you will be laughing.

as you know from past experience (loss) those "firsts" can be brutal--but even more crushing when the physical absence of another is someone who was in your constant day-to-day, and for such a long period of time.

there's just no good way around it.

distract yourself, indulge yourself, know it's okay to be sad and it's okay to feel happy, talk to him, set a place at the table for him, dance like he is dancing with you, cry, write it all down, write him letters and read them out loud.

those are some of the things i've done since i lost my mom.

i will tell you it took me a very long time to get through the darkest parts of my grief i had after my mom died. we'd been together forever, raised my daughter together, and i was absolutely broken and lost when she passed. my grief was compounded by other losses which made all of it so devastating for me. it has taken me over 7 years to start pulling out of the fog. (i needed some counseling and anti depressants but never had either one unfortunately)

my mother had an affinity for the moon--would always tell me to look at it. i always did. i still do. i suspect that is the place i will find her, either near it or gazing at it from afar.

i'm sorry you have to go through this. but how wonderful that you loved so deeply.

[Marthe48]

14. A follow-up

Since I wrote last, my mother-in-law passed away after a short illness. She was 94. If it is possible, death and dying and grief are more in my mind than when I posted in September. My girls spent a lot of time with their Grandmas, both of them, even after they were adults. Mom passed away somewhat unexpectedly. Yes, she was 94, but she was never sick, took care of herself until she was 92. She got pneumonia and was sick with it for 2 weeks. We all took it hard, because we just thought we'd have the status quo. But, we didn't and so we said goodbye. I am so proud that our daughters so willingly shared their love over the years and never stopped.
We spent a lot of time with John's family. My brother-in-law enjoys the family pictures and makes DVDs. He made one for the cousins, all of our kids, last summer and they loved it. He put the old family movies together on another DVD and brought it when they came for the funeral. I think the girls and their cousins watched it 6 times in 4 days. Along with seeing their Dad, aunts and uncles, and other relatives as they were in the 1950's, they were also fascinated by the old technology that captured home movies. I was glad that we spent so much time with the family and each other. I talked to both of our daughters about the holidays, and gained some insight. Up until this year, I did not know what it was like to lose a husband. But, I do know what it is like to lose my Dad. I can help my girls through this first Christmas, on beyond Dad, because I've already been there. So I am planning to support my children through this tough time. They need to know that after the first, there will be another, like a hall of mirrors, endlessly reflecting the glitzy colors of the holidays, until sometime, you don't know what is past or what is now. We'll have some old traditions, some new ones, some foods we always had, some new ones. And we'll get through the holiday season as best we can. Thanks for all of your thoughts and support these last months. I am grateful to my family and friends in the flesh and those who are friends in my universe. Happy Thanksgiving!

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

15. Thank you for the follow up.

I've sent you a PM.

[Farmer-Rick]

16. Me Too

[Marthe48]

17. Hugs to you

I won't say it is easier this year. It is different. I hope you have your loved ones near.