My mom passed away last night...

[cynatnite]

I cried a lot last night and thought I could put one foot in front of the other. I realized today when it hit me again, that this is going to take time.

It's not just emotionally, but I feel it physically, too. I was my Mom's caregiver for the last six months since she was diagnosed with cancer. My head hurts, my body is sore and I'm physically wiped out. I'm dreading the arrangements that are still yet to be made. There are her belongings that have to be gone through. She was a bit of a packrat and there's just so much. She never got rid of anything when her mother, my grandmother, passed away last year.

I've been told that I will feel relieved because of all the work and time it took to take care of her, but I can't feel that way. She's in no pain anymore and I'm glad for that. But I miss her and I can't imagine the days ahead without her. This is my Mom. It feels so different than what it did when my Dad passed away over 20 years ago.

Anyway, that's all. Thanks everyone.

[WhiteTara]

1. Om Mani Padme Hum

May she have fortunate rebirth.

I lost my mother several years ago and I still mourn her loss. After a few weeks or months, the surrealness of the situation will recede, just remember, grief takes it own course.

[left-of-center2012]

2. My condolences

There is no shame in crying for our loss.

It's been 23 years since my mother passed away.
The rough edges have smoothed over, but I think of her every day.

[badhair77]

3. cynatnite, I am so sorry for your loss.

Remember that no one can tell you how to feel. Your reaction seems very natural to me. I wish you peace and comfort thru the coming days.

[CurtEastPoint]

4. You are worn out and grieving. My condolences. Take some time for you when you are ready.

[TreasonousBastard]

5. It's OK to feel that way. And it does take time...

My mother passed 4 years ago and I still miss her.

My father passed over 50 years ago and I still think of him.

But, this is the natural order of things, and it has nothing to do with being her caretaker. You miss her because she was your mother and she cannot be replaced. Even as sick as she was, she was still there with you, and now she is not.

Be strong. And remember that no matter how terrible it seems, this is the way it is supposed to be.

Can you take a vacation? Maybe a cruise? A week, or weekend, in London? Even Montreal or a beach in Mexico? A change of scenery is not disrespecting her, and might do you a world of good after all the services and paperwork is done.

[dixiegrrrrl]

6. I wish there were an easy way to get thru loss and grief.

My deepest condolences.

[IADEMO2004]

7. Sad for your loss. I'd never dream to give advice about grief.

We each have our own path to find. I will suggest regular food and water something I failed to do. Mom passed three years ago Monday. Best Wishes and hope for better days ahead.

[Permanut]

8. The cycles of life..

are certainly not all bunnies and rainbows. Lost my Mother in 2004 after a long bout with dementia. You served your Mom with honor, as I did with mine. That memory will serve you well in years to come.

[Laffy Kat]

9. Oh no. So, so sorry, Dear cynatnite.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

10. I'm glad to see you here, my dear cynatnite...

I hope you'll find this group a refuge and a resource.

[lostnfound]

11. When I lost my mother I was 24 and one thought transformed my grief

It occurred to me that all that pain I felt from losing her was actually a sure sign of some kind of massive, beautiful gratitude.
Because she was such an awesome kindhearted brave person. I wouldn’t have felt such loss, had I not been blessed with such a sweet soul as a mother. Every bit of pain I felt then was our bond, was an HONOR she had earned. It was an honor to carry her memory forward. It was the realization of such a great blessing. It felt like pain, but it was actually bold, shining gratitude.

Grief rips us open, makes room in our hearts for the whole of a person to take up their permanent residence there. You’ll carry her with you now.

And I’m sure you were a great comfort to her.

[easttexaslefty]

14. This is beautiful

I'm going to try to think of my grief in this light.

[Gothmog]

12. I am sorry for your loss

[orleans]

13. i'm so sorry

[Farmer-Rick]

15. I lost my mother this August

And then my better half passed in October. I was taking care of her those last 6 months but her death from heart disease still came as a shock. She is out of pain which is very good. The arrangements were very difficult to make. We have 3 grown children that helped. If you can get someone to help you make the arrangements it helps you make rational decisions if you have someone questioning what you want to do and why.

Now that the funerals are over, it's a little easier.....not much.

I don't feel relieved that I no longer can take care of her. I'm leaving her things just as they are until after Christmas. I just can't take getting rid of them right now. And yes, losing my mother hurt in a different way than losing my father or my wife. Different relationships can cause mourning in different ways.

I feel there is a huge black hole that I am going to have to find a way to fill. I'm lucky in that I really have no financial worries so I could do most anything I wanted ...within reason and a little saving. But it doesn't feel that way.

Yes, it is very different when you have been taking care of someone and you lose them. They were in your life every day and now they are not...but time does help a little.

[cynatnite]

16. My sister thought I would feel relief...

Which I never have. I miss her and there is a huge piece of my life gone, it feels like. I expect her to come upstairs several times a day still. I keep wanting to call her and let her know about the inconsequential movements of my day. I'm just not used to her not being around. Plus, I realized how much closer than I thought we were.

The holidays will be tough, but I've got my family around me, too. They've helped a lot.

I'm sorry for those awful losses.

[Stellar]

17. 💔

I've been there and totally understand. When you found yourself she was already there. Yes, you will miss her.

[susanna]

18. I was not a regular on this group when you posted this originally.

I am so very sorry for your loss, all this time later.

As a matter of fact, you were caregiving for your mother as I was caregiving for my late sister (she died in December, 2018).

All I can say is that there is no relief for the caregiver.

Caregiving was something you could do when your mother was in her deepest distress.

I believe that you did right by her, and I hope for peace for you as you navigate your grief. Because I suspect it is still there. I know mine is.