It's been 3 months since you have been gone....

[William Gustafson]

Three months ago today, I lost you (Heidi) because you couldn't survive your stroke. I took care of you for all those years as you battled your brain tumor with love and affection. I took you to all your doctors appointments, all you surgery's and your gene therapy's because I loved you. For 17 years, I had hoped you would get better, but you just would get a reprieve, only to have your tumor come back and start the whole ordeal over and over again. You were a fighter, the biggest fighter I have ever known. I miss you deeply and think about you every day.
Since the day you left, I have had this feeling of being lost because I can no longer take care of you, I had no purpose. I went from a 24 hour care taker and husband to a man with no direction. I am getting better as my grief has subsided and the feeling of being lost is dwindling because I know that my purpose now is to survive this pain. I have found my purpose for the short term... take care of myself.
Hundreds of millions of people have experienced this very feelings this last year. They lost someone dear to them and are going through the very same thing I am going through. It makes me cry to know that they are feeling these feelings. I want to tell them, It will get better. The pain will subside, though it may never go away. Our loved ones may be gone, but as long as we hold them in our hears and minds, they will really never be gone.
Heidi, I will always miss you and love you with all my heart. I look forward to when we can be together again. Please tell all those that have passed before us, that we all miss them. Give your Mom and Dad a big hug for me and tell my sister I miss her too. RIP

[alwaysinasnit]

1. ...

[William Gustafson]

2. thank you.... I keep a candle lite for her when I am awake....It helps me to honor her

[alwaysinasnit]

3. I can have no notion of the depths of your grief nor can I offer words of comfort that would be of

use. I can only say that you have company across a digital divide. I am so sorry for your loss.

[demosincebirth]

4. I can relate to your grief. I lost my wife April 19, this year to

Alzheimer’s. I cared for her to the end and loved her more each day. She was a great wife and a super mother raising four daughters. I will miss her as long as I live.

[William Gustafson]

6. I am so sorry for you loss...

If I could hug you right now, I would. I lost my mom with Alzheimer's. It was a horrible thing to watch. So I know how you feel. Hang in there brother, it will get better. And missing her will always be in your heart, as the same as for me...

[demosincebirth]

9. Thanks for your kind words. Thing is, I still miss caring for her.

[mopinko]

5. i'm afraid of how all this grief is going to ripple through the world.

so badly compounded by the isolation. by losing people via zoom.
i feel like we are about to enter a time of free floating pain and grief everywhere.
and at a time when so much evil is afoot.

:hugs: to you. yes, your purpose now is to take care of yourself.
you just did a very good job with that.

[William Gustafson]

7. sadly, I believe you are correct with you comment....

It to bad there can't be more love in this world instead of the rising hatred for each other..... I do believe we will get back to some form of normalcy, but it will not be like it use to be.... I for one, will work on trying to spread more love for my fellow humans and not be judgmental on those that are suffering through no fault of their own.... thank you for your kind words....

[mopinko]

8. may i suggest a very satisfying way to give back?

one reason this all is killing me is that i was a hospice volunteer in the before times.
i have a marvelous big bully dog that i took to an inpatient unit.
it was such satisfying work. we did so much good.

i think my org makes folks get through their own bereavement first.