Bereavement
Related: About this forumMy 41-year-old nephew died suddenly yesterday.
Tom was a firefighter and paramedic in a Chicago suburb. He had been married for 14 years and had a 13-year-old son, as well as four grown stepchildren.
He had some sort of fall at home, I still don't know the details. But he hit his head on something and had a big gash from it. His wife tried to get him to go to the ER, but he refused. That happened on Thursday.
Yesterday, he collapsed at home. His wife called the ambulance. His heart stopped while the paramedics were there, but they brought him back. At the hospital, a trauma surgeon determined that it was a massive TBI and that he'd suffered a serious brain bleed and he wouldn't survive.
His wife, son, parents and one of his two sisters were with him when they shut off whatever life supports they had put him on. The mayor of the town he worked for, his fire chief and many of his fellow firefighters also were on hand. The support was amazing.
This is devastating because it was so unexpected and so fast. He had survived cancer 13 years ago with no recurrence. He was strong, he was healthy, he had years ahead of him.
I last saw him three weeks ago tonight. We talked about the future. Now he has none. Thanks for listening.
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DUgosh
(3,107 posts)For your tremendous loss
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)spooky3
(36,959 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)Irish_Dem
(63,981 posts)What a tragedy for everyone.
Hugs to you.
greatauntoftriplets
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MontanaMama
(24,244 posts)This is just awful. I am so very sorry, gaot.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)He was way too young.
CottonBear
(21,615 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)Rorey
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greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)AJT
(5,240 posts)A sudden death is shocking and hard to wrap your head around. I lost my husband suddenly and I am still lost after 3 years. For his son to lose his male role model during his early teens is devastating. It is a comfort that the family has a support system. Again, I am so sorry for your families pain.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)Please accept my condolences for the loss of your husband.
Equomba
(197 posts)My wife and I often talk about how we are just one step away from getting hit by the proverbial bus, i.e. who knows what the next day will bring. I have a 36 year old nephew, married with an absolutely incredible daughter... he could be in the running for father of the year. I can't imagine how I would react to such a death, especially when it appears to be a freak accident.
My thoughts are with you.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)My nephew and his son adored each other. The sun rose and set for them. He's inconsolable right now.
Kali
(56,073 posts)I am so sorry!
greatauntoftriplets
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sprinkleeninow
(20,672 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)Cha
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greatauntoftriplets
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niyad
(122,099 posts)you and your family.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)Solly Mack
(93,955 posts)Unexpected loss can knock us off kilter. It hits hard.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)Thanks.
cayugafalls
(5,771 posts)May you and his family find peace.
cf...
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)I appreciate your kind words.
AwakeAtLast
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greatauntoftriplets
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Wounded Bear
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greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)I have to wonder if his refusal to get what he needed wasn't caused in part by the head injury itself.
Wounded Bear
(61,302 posts)the kind that says 'rub a little dirt on it and get back in the game.'
This is a sad story, especially for all involved who have been left behind.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)Plus, like the rest of us, he was stubborn.
kairos12
(13,365 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)It's hit us all hard.
Desert grandma
(1,060 posts)So very sorry for your family's loss. May you find comfort in your love and support of one another.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)Thanks for your kind words.
Demobrat
(10,017 posts)Shocking and heartbreaking for everyone, but adults have had time to learn that terrible things can and do happen. A childhood shouldn’t have to end that way.
So sorry.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)He has two much older half brothers, but both live in California. But it'll never be the same.
My nephew was 12 years younger than his wife, so the ages are a bit weird. Thanks.
skylucy
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greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)SheltieLover
(62,656 posts)So saddened to learn of your tragic loss.
Healing vibes on the way to you & your family. 💓💓💓
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)It doesn't quite seem real yet.
SheltieLover
(62,656 posts)And that might be a good thing. Jury is still out on that here, years later.
My heart just aches for you & your family, especially his son.
Please remember to eat, sleep, and do some deep breathing to stay centered.
I'm here if you want to chat.
cate94
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greatauntoftriplets
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applegrove
(124,578 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)secondwind
(16,903 posts)wife, you, the entire family …. Wow, life is so fleeting…
You will all be in my prayers
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)And so sudden.
soldierant
(8,181 posts)which carry within themselves as symptoms the resistance to treatment.
They almost seem diabolocal. I hope his widow is not blaming herself for caling an ambulance at the time of the initial injury. She couldn't hve known.
SheltieLover
(62,656 posts)Thank you for bringing this up!
His wife did the best she could at the timd with the information she had.
This will go a long way towards avoiding survivor's guilt.
Ty!
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)But he kept insisting that he would be fine. When the time is right, I'll suggest grief counseling. Thanks.
SheltieLover
(62,656 posts)Yw
soldierant
(8,181 posts)My 76-year life has been affected many times by people with one or the other of these conditions. They break my heart.
And I am reminded of anti-vaxxers - who, unless you believe their disease is mass psychosis (and it might be) don't have that excuse. But I really don't know what to think of them - except that they are dangerous to those round them.
SheltieLover
(62,656 posts)It is heart breaking for sure. 😢
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)I think that we'll all tell her that she shouldn't feel like she did wrong. He told her that he'd refuse to go.
SheltieLover
(62,656 posts)It's important for him to grasp that mom made every effort, too.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)He could have been at school.
SheltieLover
(62,656 posts)💔
greatauntoftriplets
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relayerbob
(7,098 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)We're all wrecks right now.
vercetti2021
(10,432 posts)Sounds like one hell of a man
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)Thanks.
murielm99
(31,673 posts)What a sudden blow for all of you. No wonder you are in a state of unbelief.
greatauntoftriplets
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MustLoveBeagles
(12,998 posts)It must have been such a shock.
greatauntoftriplets
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PoindexterOglethorpe
(27,183 posts)This is beyond sad
Right now my older brother, who is 78 years old, is in hospital with a raging infection. He was supposed to have surgery this morning, removing some masses on a kidney that are probably cancer. At least my brother has lived several decades longer than your nephew.
Such things are devastating.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)I hope that they can get the infection under control. Thanks for your kindness. Devastating is the right description.
PoindexterOglethorpe
(27,183 posts)She worked for about 25 years as a compliance auditor, meaning she read medical charts to determine if doctors had made the correct diagnoses or inputs of various procedures. As a consequence, she has a very vast knowledge of medical stuff, even if she is not a doctor herself.
78 is getting up there, but not so old these days.
I am one of six children. So far, a sister died in 2017 at age 70. A brother died at the end of December last year, age 71. I know that in the normal course of events we will all pass on, but honestly, it's a bit strange to be losing my brothers and sisters.
Hugs to you.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)But when it's the younger generation, it's hard to take.
Hugs to you.
Granny M
(1,395 posts)Deepest sympathy to you all.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)GPV
(73,200 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)livetohike
(23,253 posts)sympathy to you and the family. May the love and support of family and friends comfort you and May the memories of your nephew and the stories you will all tell keep him alive in your heart .
greatauntoftriplets
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sinkingfeeling
(54,069 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)brer cat
(26,779 posts)It is tragic to lose someone so young.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)Thanks.
sheshe2
(89,635 posts)My heart goes out to you and yours.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)It's still unreal.
Ilsa
(62,504 posts)Noted to remember: Head trauma should always be checked out for bleeds, shifting mass, etc.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)Thanks for the wishes.
George II
(67,782 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)CentralMass
(15,945 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)IbogaProject
(4,062 posts)Condolences to you and your family.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)Hortensis
(58,785 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)LetMyPeopleVote
(158,246 posts)Your nephew's family will be in my prayers
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)Upthevibe
(9,410 posts)I am so very sorry....
greatauntoftriplets
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JohnSJ
(97,486 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)onecaliberal
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greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)femmedem
(8,483 posts)I'm so sorry for you and your family's loss. It must feel surreal. Devastating but surreal.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)Thanks very much.
Goddessartist
(2,067 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)mcar
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greatauntoftriplets
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BumRushDaShow
(147,296 posts)Just seeing this. So sorry to hear this and it is so tragic. Am sending my condolences to his family.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)The fact it was so sudden makes it harder to deal with. And he was so young.
marble falls
(63,274 posts)... for your family.
I also hope your foot is better. We don't run into to each other much lately, but I do think of you!
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)Just saw that the wake is on Thursday, which is also the triplets' 21st birthday. And seven hours of it! That's probably because of the firefighter angle.
The foot is much better, thanks. I hope that you're doing better as well. I think of you as well. Maybe we'll both be back in MIRT soon.
marble falls
(63,274 posts)malaise
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greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)This is so hard to process.
malaise
(280,895 posts)It was sudden and he's young - those are the hardest ones to process
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)CaptainTruth
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greatauntoftriplets
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sueh
(1,883 posts)sudden tragedy. I'm sending healing vibes to you and your family. (((hugs)))
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)wryter2000
(47,689 posts)What a horrible loss for your family and his.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)It's still hard to believe.
calimary
(85,188 posts)So sad to hear.
Thank you for sharing this with us. I hope you know that lots of us here are sharing your grief. What with COVID and the advancing years, almost every one of us has been touched by sorrow and loss. So we can empathize as well as sympathize. You won't be mourning alone.
greatauntoftriplets
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LoisB
(9,446 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)dlk
(12,557 posts)Sending wishes for comfort and peace for you and your family.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)dlk
(12,557 posts)My heart goes out to you and your family.
mahina
(19,411 posts)To hold this.
Thank you for telling us about him.
I’ll be thinking of you all, and him. Aloha.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)He was lucky enough to be stationed in Hawaii during his Army years. Loved it there.
babylonsister
(171,824 posts)greatauntoftriplets.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)live love laugh
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greatauntoftriplets
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yardwork
(65,470 posts)A friend of mine died the same way. He hit his head and didn't think anything of it. A few days later he died suddenly. It turned out to be internal bleeding in his brain.
I'm so very sorry for your loss.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)I'm sorry about your friend. The moral of the story is don't screw around with head injuries.
yardwork
(65,470 posts)I hope you're doing well overall.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)I'm hanging in there. Thanks.
UpInArms
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((((((((HUGS)))))))
greatauntoftriplets
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Doodley
(10,506 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)Thanks very much.
Susan Calvin
(2,200 posts)I was going to say a bunch more about me, and how I relate to this, but that's not what you need right now. I am just so sorry.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)If you've been through this, you know how hard it is.
SpankMe
(3,372 posts)Wife, kid, step-kids...it's a big loss.
People must not defer treatment for potential brain injury.
Bless you and bless the family.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,250 posts)He was a paramedic, he should have known.