Our oldest daughter turned 50 today

[Marthe48]

Last edited Wed Dec 8, 2021, 12:35 PM - Edit history (1)

I woke up thinking about her and planning a morning text. I sat up and saw my dear husband's picture and immediately burst into tears. It is almost 5 years since he passed away, and I think I'm doing okay. But sometimes that underlying layer of desolation spews like a volcano and I remember that I am living alongside a loss. I wish he was here to celebrate with us. What a milestone-parents for 50 years, watching our children grow into remarkable adults that we love to the moon and back.

[Texaswitchy]

1. My nephew is 55.

:pals

[Marthe48]

3. Nieces and nephews on both sides of the family

in their 50's now. And I've become a great-great aunt The past stays right next door to the present

[Texaswitchy]

5. Sure does.

His oldest kid is 25.

And pregnant.

[cilla4progress]

2. Blessings to you, Marthe!

Holding you in my heart.

[Marthe48]

4. Thank you, dear cilla :)

You are always so kind to me

[jaxexpat]

6. Time is merciless but it's the one commodity we have....

In precisely the correct quantity.

[plimsoll]

7. My oldest will be 30 in July.

His mother will have been dead almost 24 years by then. Time doesn't really heal the pain, you just learn not to let the pain be all that is left of them.

[Marthe48]

10. That is a thoughtful way to put it

I am sorry for your loss. It always makes me sad when I hear of young people losing their beloved. Thank you for taking the time to comment

[Danmel]

8. I'm so sorry

Grief is weird that way. Unexpected things just open it all up again. I hope that sweet memories of your beloved husband will bring you comfort and peace. Wish your daughter a happy birthday from your DU family.

[Marthe48]

11. I'll do that, thanks :)

It took me by surprise, for sure.

[3catwoman3]

9. "Doing OK" is such a relative term. It can mean being functional enough...

...to attend to your grooming and health, to go to the grocery store, to go to work, etc. It can mean being able to be out and about and enjoy life. It can mean not sitting in a dark room in despair.

I've not yet been thru death of my husband, and, thank goodness, not of either of my sons. I am the only remaining member of my family of origin - younger and only brother died at only 23 in a scuba diving adventure gone awry, my dad at age 90 in 2011, and my mom at age 98 almost a year ago. As Plimsoll said above, time doesn't really heal the sadness. It does, I think, soften it to various extents, but there are always moments when the losses feel very fresh.

Hugs from another Martha (albeit different spelling).

On a slightly lighter note, I once read about a woman who said she had to stop claiming to be 39 when her daughter turned 39.

[Marthe48]

12. Yes, it means different things

at different times, too. My sister and I are the last of our family, and have been for a long time. I have a lot of friends, though. We also hosted or mentored exchange students, and are in touch with many of them on Facebook. The young families and their next generations really keep me interested in their stories. And I have the grandkids. Thank God for the vaccines. Last year we didn't get to see much of each other, but we are all vaccinated now and it's been like old times.

Thank you for the hug and the story. My best friend of 64 years claims she is 29, and lets everyone else try to figure it out

[Marthe48]

13. My younger daughter made a photo ebook

and will have it printed. She sent me a link to the online copy. We've been collecting and scanning pictures of her sister and all of the terrific memories of her and so many people we knew over the years, since last spring. She did a wonderful job, but I needed a few tissues to get through it.

We are going to see birthday daughter this weekend, belated celebration. I am looking forward to seeing our family together in one place.

Thank you for all of the support the last couple of days. I needed my DU companions more than usual

[imavoter]

14. Similar pain but slightly different

Lost my husband in August, and in June I have
to turn 50 without him.
It's awful.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Marthe48]

15. You have my sympathy

It is true the firsts are hard. I suggested to another friend of mine who lost her husband about a year after I lost mine to make the special days special. She was missing him on his birthdays, and when I suggested that, she got takeout from their favorite restaurant. She wasn't as sad that day. I am making the special days special. At the same time, I want to be sure that I am here for my living loved ones. We keep each other going.

I wish you happier days.