An update

[kozar]

Another 4am day starting, I get up at 4 twice a week to do Laundry while LilBit sleeps, our laundry is only about 200 feet away, I can run over, put my 3 loads in and be back in about 5 mins, then dryer, then bring the clothes here and fold them on couch. Remember, LilBit is incontinent as well. I have to change bedding on average of every other day.
So, last Thursday, while I was working with state for help with LilBit, made my phone call re: the life insurance. Seems MrsK in her last stages, changed beneficiary from myself, to LilBit and LilBit’s brother.
That doesn’t really bother me( well, kinda) because I am LilBit’s Dad, rep payee, etc etc. just gonna cost me a few hundred for our lawyer to file all the papers to post office retirement (opm). That sent forms to LilBit that seem very complicated.

My point, all this, not withstanding. I panicked a lot on Thursday, my buddy was here with me. He lives across street. He and his wife saw MrsK in her last 2 years, and was not only doing LilBit, incontinence, but Mrs as well. They have been , and are financially covering LilBit and my finances until life insurance settled. Fast forward, so I had pretty tough Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Honestly, didn’t sleep for 72 hours. My, yes , my parents, “ didn’t like the way I sounded” when I called them and just needed to vent off. So they called local police for wellness check. LilBit and I were asleep, I answered door, told the. Come in, woke LilBit , asked her to come talk to the men here. She did, in a way, she doesn’t do well with “manly men”. And then I saw my neighbor, he was there, saying and protecting us, “ look at LilBit’s hair, look at her, she is fine! I watch Koz everyday, why are you here?” And the police told him, one of their family called, because, they said Koz didn’t sound “good”.
So yesterday, when I was done with the state conference call, that supposedly would fix things for LilBit, and then they told me, all you gotta do is call Sen Rubio office, I did , they told me , call Gov’s office, I did. Then I called my mother, and asked, what are you doing?
She said “ you don’t sound good, I had to protect LilBit”. And I kinda went off,, I screamed, I yelled, I told her I talk to therapist every other day, and they tell me and so do you, give LilBit her grief?? I’ve given LilBit everything since we touched and kissed MrsK body in ER. I pushed my daughter in her wheelchair and called you all since that moment, and told you what happened, my job since that second in ER, was my daughter!! My Mother said, until you sound “good” I’ll continue to all police.
So here I am 8 weeks out, I do LilBit better than anyone, but. My therapist telling me, you gotta let LilBit grieve, And now I’m starting to ask, when do I get to grieve? I feel like a robot since she passed, I wake, if I sleep, clean,LilBit wakes, she gets 90% of me until she goes to sleep. Yes, LilBit is presenting behaviors , and then I get her calm, and check my emails or answer my door because cops are here, and you are telling me I’m the problem Mom? She said, yep.
Guess my bereavement is unique, I still feel I haven’t addressed, my grief yet, neither have my family or therapists. They all want to see the challenged daughter, but none of them are helping her, they just email and make phone calls to cops. I’m just a tired Koz

[elleng]

1. OH my GOODNESS!!!!!

Do your parents ever VISIT? Send you all anythings for comfort? HELP at all???

Now I'm getting angry.

[kozar]

3. Simple answer

Nope, my parents almost 90 in the 20 years, since I met LilBit and Mrs,, 1 visit . And to edit, my parents would send LilBit cards on her birthday,, the loud, annoying cards , and then call Mrs or I and ask. Did she get it?

[Easterncedar]

2. It's very hard

Caregiving on your own can wear you down and break you. It’s good you have a therapist, but of course you need some time of your own for grieving. And sleeping, too, I bet. I have no advice, just sympathy. I know something of what you are going through, though nobody ever called the cops on me. I’m really sorry you have that to contend with. Awful.

[kozar]

4. Ty. N/t

[SheltieLover]

5. So sorry to hear this, K!

Maybe stop talking to parents for a while? Then they can't call cops saying you don't sound "good."

Parenting a special needs child is trying at best but you are right, doesn't leave you time to grieve.

I don't have any answers for you, K, just hugs.

[kozar]

7. Actually Sheltie

When I tried to shut my mother out, she went more bezerk, since MrsK passed, and those were first 2 visits from local police, Which, we in small Fla town2500 approximately population. The police here kinda know my story. Actually when we first moved here, I saw a police car drive-through, stop them and asked, I have a handicapped daughter and I am an older man and have an older wife, What would you need me to say in a medical emergency? He was very nice, he told me, make sure you tell 911. You live behind the clubhouse. That came in handy 8 weeks ago! And campground just yesterday painted big numbers on street. Shutting my mother out? Nope she just gets worse. She is 89 and has dementia also, unfortunately. She still knows how to work a telephone.
When Mrs. K passed, I called her every day. Told her what I was doing told her how we were. And every day, I had to repeat exactly what I told her the day before. Yes mother, I called life insurance, yes mother, I am working with the crematorium, yes mother they all know what’s going on I am fighting to get death certificates and take care of insurance. I got tired of those conversations and shut her off. Then the police visit started. I thought my life was a 2 Fork Rd. Mrs. K who had dementia and was my wife and was also in continent, and a LilBit. Turns out as I’m learning , my road has many forks, guess I’m also responsible to for my mothers feelings, my brothers feelings who ignored when I told them my mother isn’t well. I am getting angry in my grief, another call from state coming today to cover their ass. LilBit has been under full Fla Medicaid since Jan1,, not even an initial visit from Fla to LilBit yet.
Sheltie, guess I’m saying, I got LilBit,, I’m getting real tired these last 8 weeks , defending my love for Mrs and LilBit. Like I just told my mother, you get all the phone numbers you need. Because I haven’t had a one second rest, since LilBit and I left the emergency room eight weeks ago and we kissed Mrs. K goodbye.

[SheltieLover]

11. Next time police show up, tell them your mom has dementia.

Tell them they are welcome to visit your home anytime, but you feel badly for her wasting their time when they likely have more critical issues to attend to.

Does LilBit get upset when police show up?

[3Hotdogs]

6. When my father died, my mom was in stress and acting out. Later, found out it was beginning of

dementia.

I went to local police department and advised them of what was going on. "Here is my phone number. If anything is going on, please call me."

It is a small town and they were receptive and cooperative to my and her distress.

An "in person" visit to the local p.d. may help head off future problems. If you are in a large city, who knows.?


I'm sorry to read about what you are going through.

[kozar]

8. I've been a bit busy

But I like what you just said. On the way to my lawyers tomorrow I’ll stop by the police station and do the exact same. Thank you
KozandLilBit

[kozar]

9. Now 9am

Laundry done, and another 930 phone call scheduled from state coming. Might be an angry koz . But if I go angry with them? What next? Fla just gonna “ protect” LilBit, to cover their ass??

Welcome to my mind and world since a simple, retired public servant passed away.

[Wicked Blue]

10. Do you think a restraining order on the parents might help?

It might give you the peace you need to grieve.

[Easterncedar]

12. Just checking in

Hope and your daughter are ok. Peace, ec