My mom died today.

[SleeplessinSoCal]

We drove down to be with her for her last 90 minutes. All we could do was stroke her hair.

She made it to 100 and one month exactly. We had a family party on Saturday despite her being jaundiced and in some pain, she really wanted us to celebrate with her.. Her health deteriorated quickly the past few months. They discovered a tumor in her Liver 2 weeks ago. She had gallbladder issues in September. Falls led to a fractured foot. And finally this week a 2nd mini stroke.

My youngest brother has been her caregiver. I feel for him. He tries to find humor in everything. This past week was hard on him and my sister, who has been staying with them. All five of her kids (I'm the oldest) were there. I finally understand what is meant by person passes peacefully with their family around them. Morphine drops made that possible. We were there for her last breath.

[Tetrachloride]

1. Thank you for the story. My condolences to you and your family

and friends.

[SleeplessinSoCal]

43. She made many friends where she lived the last 25 years

We'd hoped to have a party 1/20. But she was sick, and there was a torrential rain. We made up with a family gathering last weekend. Her last request was to have a pot luck for all her friends. I'd suggested a wake. So it'll be a combo.

[calimary]

2. Sounds like you and your family gave her a gentle passage.

Loving, supportive, and merciful. Peace to you all.

[SleeplessinSoCal]

14. There was a hospice nurse who came to clean her.

She'd just finished getting her clean and comfy. Literally her last breath was right when she was finishing getting her just right.

❤️

[forgotmylogin]

21. I'm so sorry to hear of her passing.

I lost my mom in September of 2022. Home Hospice was an incredible resource both physically and psychologically. I'm sending all my positive vibes for you and your family during your grieving process that it will be healthy and full of love and remembrance.

[SleeplessinSoCal]

44. Hospice care was a Godsend.

She was thoroughly prepared for this day 20 years ago. And my youngest brother will continue to live in her home.

[Drum]

3. ...

[cilla4progress]

4. Yes, thank you for envisioning

a "good death"!

May her memory be a blessing.

[Rhiannon12866]

5. I am so sorry, but it sounds like you all did the right thing.

I lost my mother, too (after an accident) and I stayed with her in the ICU as well. My brother was having panic attacks, so he kept coming and going, but I stuck it out and wouldn't have had it another way, hard as it was. My deepest sympathies to you, no matter the age or circumstances, this is one of the toughest losses.

[CANADIANBEAVER69]

6. Each person is different

but I would like to die like that, with family all around. I would feel lucky to go peacefully. So sorry for your loss but I hope you have some great memories to look back on as time carries on.

[alwaysinasnit]

7. Many hugs to you Sleepless. My mother passed in similar fashion almost 10 years ago. I

console myself with the thought that she passed in her home, surrounded by her children and grandchildren. The morphine was a godsend. Don't forget to take care of yourself through all that comes next. May you find tranquility in the near future.

[SleeplessinSoCal]

18. Thank you.

💕

[niyad]

8. Holding you znd your family in love and light.

[diva77]

9. So very very sorry, Sleepless.

Amidst the deep sadness, it is definitely a gift that the family was able to gather round as she passed peacefully.

[Shellback Squid]

10. sorry for your loss, helping her pass with little pain is hard but honorable

[OAITW r.2.0]

11. You were lucky to have her that long.

And morphine drips makes the end a lot more peaceful for the dying.

[SleeplessinSoCal]

22. There is something I learned called fish out of water breathing

"A final, or “agonal,” respiratory pattern is called “fish out of water” breathing. This is an ineffectual gasping of the mouth with little or no actual intake of air. This agonal “gasping” occurs very near physical death."

❤️

[OAITW r.2.0]

26. Seen it more than a few times.

[blm]

12. ((Sleepless))

🕯️

[Deuxcents]

13. My condolences to you and your family. 🌺

[Picaro]

15. Sincere condolences

Sounds like a beautiful death.

[SleeplessinSoCal]

47. Strangely, yes. I guess.

It's hard to know. There were some tricky days leading up to the end. But I swear. This is a very positive use of Morphine.

Strangely when the people from the mortuary drove up, it was at the same time as her next Morphine delivery.

❤️

[spooky3]

16. I'm so sorry. Nt

[PlutosHeart]

17. Blessings and peace

to your family.
The closure sounded so kind and you are all very fortunate.
Bless. Am so sorry for your loss.

[Beacool]

19. I'm so sorry for your loss.

What a blessing to have had your mother for 100 years. My condolences to you and your family. May your mom rest in peace.

[SleeplessinSoCal]

46. Thank you.

We kinda thought she'd outlive us all.

❤️

[TygrBright]

20. Holding you in my heart. It's a tough loss.

My Mom passed in early December.

No advice, just... you're not alone.

sadly,
Bright

[SleeplessinSoCal]

24. Sorry for your loss too.

Other than stroking her hair I contributed playing classical music in the room.
First Mahler and then found Chopin which she used to play for us.

❤️

[TygrBright]

58. Our Moms probably would have been friends. I hope someone does that for me some day. n/t

[BigmanPigman]

23. My grandmother almost made it to 104

and she died a month before that date. She had very big 90th, 95th and 100th birthdays since she always wanted to live to be 100. I think her shear hatred for the GOP kept her alive for years.

My dad died suddenly in his sleep 5 years ago at the age of 85 and he was in great health. I am still in shock and grieving. I am glad he died peacefully in his sleep which is what we all want.

I hope you recover from your enormous loss better than I have. I have 100% empathy. I also hope she is able to visit you in your dreams. My dad did right after he died. It wasn't creepy at all and was comforting instead.

[SleeplessinSoCal]

28. Wow!

Last summer she was talking about 110 being her new goal.

It took me 20 years to truly grieve my father's death in 1969. He was only 52.

My mom had been co-opted by FNC until she got on Buspar. A blessing to us all.

[yardwork]

25. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[OldSWODog]

27. Condolences and a sharing of memories

SleeplessSC, you have my deepest condolences...your post is deeply moving to me. I was with my own mother for several years and when she made her final exit here in Oregon. I'm still unable to put much into words and can well imagine your loss. Best wishes to you, my unmet friend, and to the rest of your family. OSD

[SleeplessinSoCal]

29. I'm very pleased my sharing helped you.

That is what this place is all about.

I thought twice about sharing, but felt it beneficial.

❤️

[OldSWODog]

32. loss

Thank you, SSC...may you find compassionate support here in your thread...cheers, OSD

[DemocraticPatriot]

30. My condolences to you....

My mother suffered from leukemia and alzheimers for ten years, and died at 79 years old.

Due to my economic circumstances, I was fortunate to end up living with her and my father,
in my childhood home, for the last six months of her life.

So I was with her when she died, holding her hand.... I have always been glad about that.

I was the only person in the room with her then, father was on telephone business when I yelled for him to come....

[SleeplessinSoCal]

89. just wrote a long reply which I lost.

Please forgive my errant ways.

❤️

[Ocelot II]

31. I'm so sorry.

It's a tough loss, always.

[Dem2theMax]

33. I am so sorry for the loss of your mom.

And I am glad you were able to be there with her at the end. I was present at the death of my mom and of my dad. Held their hands as they took their last breaths.

I know how much that has meant to me over the years. I have a feeling that for all of you to be there with your mom will bring you a lot of peace, as it did for me.

For your Mom

[vercetti2021]

34. Im so sorry for your loss

my worst fear

[cate94]

35. I'm so sorry for your loss.

May she rest in peace.

[dlk]

36. I'm very sorry for your loss

Sending thoughts for peace and comfort for you, and your family.

[keopeli]

37. Bless your mom. Bless you, your youngest brother (trooper and giver), your sister, and all family.

[herding cats]

38. My heart and my thoughts to you and yours.

This is such a painful and difficult path to go down. It sounds like your family is a strong unit which helps so much in times like these.

I will have you and yours in my thoughts. My sincere condolences.

[lucca18]

39. I am so very sorry for the loss of your Mother.💔

You were all able to be there for your mother, with love and support.❤️
Please take care.

[TruthAlwaysWins]

41. My heart is with you

I am very, very sorry for your loss, Lucca18. My heart hurts for you. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. I feel your pain, but I also sense the blessing that you and your family must have felt, having been there with her, and for her, through her final journey. May she rest in peace, and may you always carry her in your heart. Her love for you lives on.

“And just at the moment when someone at my side says, “There, she is gone!”
there are other eyes watching her coming,
and there are other voices ready to take up the glad shout, “Here she comes!”
And that is dying.” Rev. Luther F. Beecher

[riverbendviewgal]

40. My condolences to you and your family.

It is hard when your loved ones pass on. The good memories will help you in your grief. Sending hugs.

[2naSalit]

42. Condolences to you and you family.

[stage left]

45. I'm so sorry

for the loss of your mom.

[Karadeniz]

48. You all dif everything right...sounds like she was a good mom!!!

[Lonestarblue]

49. So sorry for your loss.

[gademocrat7]

50. Condolences Sleepless

On the loss of your beloved mother.

[AllyCat]

51. I'm so sorry you lost your lovely mother.

Peace to you

[underpants]

52. I'm so sorry. ❤️

[MOMFUDSKI]

53. Sorry for your loss.

Take care of yourself.

[mercuryblues]

54. May you and your family

Find comfort in your memories

[ms liberty]

55. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[ProudMNDemocrat]

56. My sincere condolences on your loss.

May you find comfort knowing that your mother's love ❤️ continues to live on.

[sinkingfeeling]

57. Deepest sympathy to you and your family.

[marked50]

59. Sorry for you and your families loss. Condolences to you all.

[XanaDUer2]

60. Hugs

[babylonsister]

61. My condolences.

To me, moms seem especially tough to lose. Hug your remaining loved ones tight, and hopefully you can draw strength from each other.

[SleeplessinSoCal]

62. That is exactly what I did.

Our mom wasn't a hugger. I learned that in psychotherapy in 1979. But the rest of us are. And we hugged each other yesterday. That part was truly beautiful. She would be so happy to see that.

[onecaliberal]

63. I'm very sorry for your loss. So glad you were there with beloved family.

[pandr32]

64. Sending my sympathy.

It is hard to say goodbye to someone so close and dear.
We are a safe community here at DU, and anytime you need to hear a word of encouragement you can count on us.
Hugs to you and a heart, too, because yours must be broken.

[Bluethroughu]

65. I'm sorry for your loss.

100 years old, wow she has seen it all.

[Saoirse9]

66. So sorry for your loss

But glad that you were there with her.

[Wicked Blue]

67. I am so very sorry for your loss

My condolences to you and all of your family

[Demnh2fl]

68. God bless you

Your mom had a long life. I glad you got to be with her in her last minutes. Most of us are not so blessed to be with our parents in their finally moments. ❤️😢

[MLAA]

69. Sending you and your family hugs.

My dad passed 2 years ago at 92 of liver cancer. He said he’d had a wonderful live and wanted to focus on quality of life not quantity so no treatments. He was actually upbeat and cheerful till the end. Sounds like your mom was in a similar frame of mind wanting to plan a pot luck. Still, losing a parent can be a real punch in the gut until you remember that it is the best for them, a gentle passing. 💗. Your mom was so fortunate to have all her children with her and I bet she let you know that.

[SleeplessinSoCal]

71. Yup.

She was more and more aware of others and her own limitations. It's been difficult to mourn because in the end it was what we all prayed for. No more pain.

[GAJMac]

70. I am so sorry

I am so sorry to hear this. It's very hard to lose someone you love, but I'm glad you were able to be there for her final moments. Please take time to heal as best you can, and don't expect too much from yourself.

[SleeplessinSoCal]

72. You all have been so wonderful to me and my family.

I'm going to share some photos of our mom. She was a beauty. She'd been a model. She dated actors and hung out with the golden era of Hollywood's movie stars.

This was mom on her 90th birthday...



This was her just this past Saturday at her 100th bday party...



I'll dig out some glamor shots later.

[ancianita]

73. Beautiful photos. Sorry for your losing her.

Since I lost my mother (right after 9/11) I've learned that you'll always carry the best of her with you. And there's some peace in that. Hold those you love close, share memories of her and make so many more.

[Quakerfriend]

76. Aww, she was just gorgeous!!

So sorry for your loss but, sounds as though
you all gave her a very peaceful transition.

All six of us were able to be there with our mom when she passed over. I know that you’ll always be thankful that you could all be together then.

[SleeplessinSoCal]

83. Absolutely!

Being together there was so important. Baby brother sent out the bat signal and we came. And as you say we'll always be thankful for that.

[Evolve Dammit]

79. beautiful. So sorry for your loss. Truly a beautiful person in "the age." You should document her "travels".

[crickets]

74. I am so sorry.

Glad that you were able to be with her in her last moments.

[mountain grammy]

75. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Hospice is amazing.

[twodogsbarking]

77. So sorry. A parent's passing stirs up emotions never before felt. Stay well and cherish what you had.

[paleotn]

78. Condolences. It's tough.

[badhair77]

80. I'm so sorry for your loss.

But what a gift that you could be there and have family with you. I wish you peace.

[mia]

81. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Thank you for sharing your experience of your mother's peaceful passing.

[Grumpy Old Guy]

82. I am so sorry for your loss.

[AltairIV]

84. So very sorry for your loss.

My deepest condolences for your loss.

[sheshe2]

85. So sorry for your loss.

Love and hugs to you and yours, SSC.💙

[KY_EnviroGuy]

86. May peace be upon you and your entire family......

as you recall a wonderful life with gratitude, joy and some tears.

Walk and talk with her every day in your mind, as I often do with my Mom who I lost in the '90s. I'm 76 now and she's still reminding me of my responsibilities!.....

Thank you for sharing.......

[1WorldHope]

87. It is such a privilege to be with a loved one when they pass away.

Your mom was beautiful both young and old. She kind of looked like the actress on the Titanic movie. It makes death less scary when you are with someone on hospice. If the right supports are in place. I'm happy for you and your family. ❤️

[shenmue]

88. Rest in peace

[lonely bird]

90. Peace to you and your family

It was good for you to be there. We said good-bye to my mother-in-law and told her we loved her. She passed 10 minutes after we left the hospital. She was 93.

I lost my mother when she was 58 on Christmas Eve 1983. My brothers and I were there but my sister was on her way from Kentucky.

Christmas has sucked every year since.

Again, peace to you and your family.

[SleeplessinSoCal]

92. So sorry.

Christmas Eve? That has to be hard.

❤️

[area51]

91. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[SleeplessinSoCal]

93. The glamor shots...

Last edited Mon Feb 19, 2024, 12:13 AM - Edit history (1)

When she was 62...



And when she was about 22...



21 I think...

[kairos12]

94. Peace and strength to you and family.

[murielm99]

95. I am so sorry for you and your family.