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kairos12

(13,269 posts)
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 12:43 PM Jun 2024

My wife's death. First time I'm posting.

Last edited Sat Jun 1, 2024, 07:38 PM - Edit history (1)

My wife died on 10 June last year. I haven't posted about it till now. I guess because it's the anniversary month. A horrible 31 month battle with gastric cancer. I lay beside her for 10 days in Hospice Care. We were married 40 years.

The only thing I've learned is that I used to say I wish I would have gone first. Don't be the one left.

Now, I say I'm glad I didn’t go 1st. There is no chance in hell I would have wanted her to experience the last 12 months.

I want to thank the DU community because it has been the primary source of connection for me during this year. And remains so today.

Peace and strength to all those who are grieving.

181 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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My wife's death. First time I'm posting. (Original Post) kairos12 Jun 2024 OP
Many very heartfelt condolences... MiHale Jun 2024 #1
Thank you MiHale kairos12 Jun 2024 #69
My condolences. sinkingfeeling Jun 2024 #2
Hello sinkingfeeling kairos12 Jun 2024 #70
I learned an interesting word relatively recently, very likely here... 3catwoman3 Jun 2024 #3
Is that Yiddish? DFW Jun 2024 #8
According to Dictionary.com, it is Yiddish. 3catwoman3 Jun 2024 #38
Spanish enid602 Jun 2024 #127
The languages are a combination of circumstance and necessity DFW Jun 2024 #147
Your suspicion of veil being a typo is right on the money. 3catwoman3 Jun 2024 #167
Not to mention.... DFW Jun 2024 #169
yes, yahrzeit is the anniversary of a passing The Blue Flower Jun 2024 #55
Dear 3catwoman3 kairos12 Jun 2024 #71
We light YAHRZEIT candles to mark the anniversary of a passing. elleng Jun 2024 #176
My condolences. But for a stroke of luck, I would have been posting something similar DFW Jun 2024 #4
So if my math is correct soldierant Jun 2024 #42
We met 50 years ago, this July DFW Jun 2024 #150
Hello DFW kairos12 Jun 2024 #72
She went through a LOT DFW Jun 2024 #148
❤️ underpants Jun 2024 #5
Dear underpants kairos12 Jun 2024 #73
Holding you in my heart. May you find consolation in 40 years of memories. n/t TygrBright Jun 2024 #6
Dear TygrBright kairos12 Jun 2024 #74
Caring comes in many forms. Yours means a great deal. n/t TygrBright Jun 2024 #95
Peace to You IA8IT Jun 2024 #7
Dear IA8IT kairos12 Jun 2024 #75
I will be thinking of you all day and throughout these days. I can understand and I grieve for you too. hlthe2b Jun 2024 #9
Dear hithe2b kairos12 Jun 2024 #76
Very sorry for your loss. I hope you'll be kind to yourself. Nt spooky3 Jun 2024 #10
Dear spooky3 kairos12 Jun 2024 #77
Thank you. ++++++++++++++ spooky3 Jun 2024 #84
Sending hugs kairos12 and holding you in my livetohike Jun 2024 #11
Dear livetohike kairos12 Jun 2024 #78
I am so sorry. badhair77 Jun 2024 #12
Dear badhair77 kairos12 Jun 2024 #79
All my blessings and sympathies to you. I can't even imagine, but aware that either my wife or I will have to face it. Doodley Jun 2024 #13
Dear Doodley kairos12 Jun 2024 #80
My heart goes out to you kairos12. Peace and strength to you. LoisB Jun 2024 #14
Dear LoisB kairos12 Jun 2024 #82
My sincere condolences (((💐))) Deuxcents Jun 2024 #15
Dear Deuxcents kairos12 Jun 2024 #83
I'm so sorry. barbtries Jun 2024 #16
Dear barbtries kairos12 Jun 2024 #85
I am so very sorry for your loss Kairos.💔 lucca18 Jun 2024 #17
Dear lucca18 kairos12 Jun 2024 #86
Seven years since my hubby passed. tavernier Jun 2024 #18
Dear tavenier kairos12 Jun 2024 #87
My condolences central scrutinizer Jun 2024 #19
Dear central scrutinizer kairos12 Jun 2024 #89
Thanks. Seven years have passed central scrutinizer Jun 2024 #166
I'm so sorry. live love laugh Jun 2024 #20
Dear live love laugh kairos12 Jun 2024 #90
Peace and grace be with you kairos12 Peacetrain Jun 2024 #21
Dear Peacetrain kairos12 Jun 2024 #91
We're at Year 48 this year, and not a day goes by when I don't wonder which of us is gonna leave first. calimary Jun 2024 #22
Dear calimary kairos12 Jun 2024 #92
(((hugs))) samnsara Jun 2024 #23
Dear samnsara kairos12 Jun 2024 #93
I am so sorry for your unimaginable loss. I am also sorry you've been bearing it for this last year. marble falls Jun 2024 #24
Dear marble falls kairos12 Jun 2024 #94
One foot in front of the other. I know you will pull through. It is so wise you see his time with you as a blessing ... marble falls Jun 2024 #104
I hope you are taking care of yourself lillypaddle Jun 2024 #25
Dear lillypaddle kairos12 Jun 2024 #96
Heartbreaking wryter2000 Jun 2024 #26
Dear wryter2000 kairos12 Jun 2024 #97
Hold on to the memories. LiberalFighter Jun 2024 #27
Dear LiberalFighter kairos12 Jun 2024 #98
Peace and good health to you and yours. Magoo48 Jun 2024 #28
Dear Magoo48 kairos12 Jun 2024 #99
Please accept my sympathy. It has been 16 years since my husband died. Paper Roses Jun 2024 #29
Dear Paper Roses kairos12 Jun 2024 #100
Sending love and more love to you! Hope22 Jun 2024 #30
Dear Hope22 kairos12 Jun 2024 #101
You are welcome. Hope22 Jun 2024 #113
Blessings on her memory Wicked Blue Jun 2024 #31
Dear Wicked Blue kairos12 Jun 2024 #102
I'm so sorry Kairos for the loss of your wife and best friend FakeNoose Jun 2024 #32
Dear FakeNoose kairos12 Jun 2024 #103
I'm so sorry for your loss. louslobbs Jun 2024 #33
Dear louslobbs kairos12 Jun 2024 #105
💕 louslobbs Jun 2024 #181
Peace to you, kairos12. ancianita Jun 2024 #34
Than you for that. Elessar Zappa Jun 2024 #40
Dear ancianita kairos12 Jun 2024 #106
I'm so very sorry for your loss. yardwork Jun 2024 #35
Dear yardwork kairos12 Jun 2024 #107
Thank you. How kind of you! yardwork Jun 2024 #179
I'm very sorry for your loss. Lost my sister before Trump. 58Sunliner Jun 2024 #36
Dear 58Sunliner kairos12 Jun 2024 #108
Thank you. 58Sunliner Jun 2024 #177
Of an age to think about this rockbluff botanist Jun 2024 #37
Dear rockbluff botanist kairos12 Jun 2024 #109
Deepest sympathy to you and yours my friend malaise Jun 2024 #39
Dear malaise kairos12 Jun 2024 #110
Take care of you... Dan Jun 2024 #41
Dear Dan kairos12 Jun 2024 #111
Heart hugs to you 4TheArts Jun 2024 #43
Dear 4TheArts kairos12 Jun 2024 #112
So sorry for your loss. It gets better, the grief is rough. Been there myself. brush Jun 2024 #44
Dear brush kairos12 Jun 2024 #114
I am so very sorry for your loss. Dem2theMax Jun 2024 #45
Dear Dem2theMax kairos12 Jun 2024 #115
Condolences. AltairIV Jun 2024 #46
Dear AltairIV kairos12 Jun 2024 #116
So very sorry for your loss! PortTack Jun 2024 #47
Dear PortTack kairos12 Jun 2024 #118
I lost my first wife at age 39, returnee Jun 2024 #48
Dear returnee kairos12 Jun 2024 #119
My Condolences and sympathy to you Kairos12, such a long marriage must contain many wonderful ShazamIam Jun 2024 #49
Dear Shazamlam kairos12 Jun 2024 #120
My sweetheart and I made it to 40 years. Mme. Defarge Jun 2024 #50
Dear Mme. Defarge kairos12 Jun 2024 #121
Dear kairos12 MLAA Jun 2024 #51
Dear MLAA kairos12 Jun 2024 #122
Peace and strength to you, kairos12 MerrilyMerrily Jun 2024 #52
Dear MerrilyMerrily kairos12 Jun 2024 #123
I am sorry for your loss. pandr32 Jun 2024 #53
Dear pandr32 kairos12 Jun 2024 #124
I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you can find a sense of peace during this time Maraya1969 Jun 2024 #54
Dear Maraya1969 kairos12 Jun 2024 #125
Oh my, that's sad wendyb-NC Jun 2024 #56
Dear wendyb-NC kairos12 Jun 2024 #126
My condolences. I lost my wife to cancer seven weeks ago. maveric Jun 2024 #57
Dear maveric kairos12 Jun 2024 #128
Thank you so much. maveric Jun 2024 #132
I hope you're OK. SarahD Jun 2024 #58
Dear SarahD kairos12 Jun 2024 #129
Hugs DU friend. nt AKwannabe Jun 2024 #59
Dear AKwannable kairos12 Jun 2024 #130
The first year is often the hardest. Irish_Dem Jun 2024 #60
Dear Irish Dem kairos12 Jun 2024 #131
So sorry you lost your spouse of a lifetime Farmer-Rick Jun 2024 #61
Dear Farmer-Rick kairos12 Jun 2024 #133
I'm sorry for your loss. area51 Jun 2024 #62
Dear area51 kairos12 Jun 2024 #134
Thanks for letting us know. That must have been an awful three years for her. Hope you will be OK. ED Evolve Dammit Jun 2024 #63
Dear Evolve Dammit kairos12 Jun 2024 #135
Bless you. I lost my husband 17 months ago Richluu Jun 2024 #64
Dear Richluu kairos12 Jun 2024 #136
Psalms 30:5 Richluu Jun 2024 #180
Iknow how hard it. It True Blue American Jun 2024 #65
Dear True Blue American kairos12 Jun 2024 #137
What a painful thing to go through. I'm sure she was glad you were there with her. flying_wahini Jun 2024 #66
Dear flying_wahini kairos12 Jun 2024 #138
Peace elleng Jun 2024 #67
Dear elleng kairos12 Jun 2024 #139
You are most welcome, kairos12. elleng Jun 2024 #175
Dear elleng kairos12 Jun 2024 #178
Our thoughts... kentuck Jun 2024 #68
Dear kentuck kairos12 Jun 2024 #140
I'm so sorry for your loss. Ocelot II Jun 2024 #81
Dear Ocelot II kairos12 Jun 2024 #141
Peace and condolences for your loss. Dulcinea Jun 2024 #88
Dear Dulcinea kairos12 Jun 2024 #142
So many complex facets to the grief of losing one's life partner. Sending strength to you Attilatheblond Jun 2024 #117
Dear Attilatheblond kairos12 Jun 2024 #143
I'm so sorry for the loss of your wife of 40 years sdfernando Jun 2024 #144
Dear sdfemando kairos12 Jun 2024 #156
Sending peace and strength to you... virgdem Jun 2024 #145
Dear virgdem kairos12 Jun 2024 #157
Thank you for your kind words. virgdem Jun 2024 #173
So sorry for your loss nt Nululu Jun 2024 #146
Dear Nululu kairos12 Jun 2024 #158
Here's hoping you do well in the future Nululu Jun 2024 #161
I am so sorry. murielm99 Jun 2024 #149
Dear muirelm99 kairos12 Jun 2024 #159
Peace BoRaGard Jun 2024 #151
Dear BoRaGard kairos12 Jun 2024 #160
Sincere condolences , kairos gademocrat7 Jun 2024 #152
Dear gademocrat7 kairos12 Jun 2024 #162
I'm so sorry. Scrivener7 Jun 2024 #153
Dear Scrivener7 kairos12 Jun 2024 #163
I know it's tough... and I'm sorry that you're going through this. Oopsie Daisy Jun 2024 #154
Dear Oopsie Daisy kairos12 Jun 2024 #164
I'm so sorry for your loss cate94 Jun 2024 #155
Dear cate94 kairos12 Jun 2024 #165
Condolences .... jdadd Jun 2024 #168
Dear jaded kairos12 Jun 2024 #171
Rest in Paradise, kairos12's beloved wife Niagara Jun 2024 #170
Dear Niagara kairos12 Jun 2024 #172
This message was self-deleted by its author TBF Jun 2024 #174

3catwoman3

(25,578 posts)
3. I learned an interesting word relatively recently, very likely here...
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 12:51 PM
Jun 2024

...on DU. The word is yahrzeit - a year's time since the passing of a family member. Anniversary never feels quite right to me for marking a sad occasion.

Wishing you some serenity on the yahrzeit of the loss of your beloved wife.

DFW

(56,741 posts)
8. Is that Yiddish?
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 01:12 PM
Jun 2024

Yiddish is similar to German, but with many subtle differences in both form and meaning.

Jahreszeit means "season" in German. As in Die Vier Jahreszeiten, "the four seasons." There is also "Jahrestag," or anniversary (unspecific--Hochzeitstag means wedding anniversary).

"Ein Jahres Zeit"--one year's time--might be how to expess that in German. I live in Germany, am married to a German, and we speak German together, as we have done for the 50 years (this July) that we have been together.

Sorry t6o get off subject, but that is a word (and spelling) I had never seen before.

3catwoman3

(25,578 posts)
38. According to Dictionary.com, it is Yiddish.
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 02:59 PM
Jun 2024

I was checking the spelling, as I wanted to spell it jahrzeit.

I took German during my junior and senior years of high school, and then a couple of semesters in college. I really liked it, and took to it pretty readily except for the articles. It makes no sense that the word for dress is a masculine noun and table is feminine, etc.

I was pretty good at it at the time, but this was way back in 1968-1971, so Ich habe sehr veil vergessen.

I was very interested in your recent post about learning Swedish. It sounds like they have the right idea with simplicity.

I’m envious of your polyglot talents.

enid602

(9,079 posts)
127. Spanish
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:50 PM
Jun 2024

Dress is masculine in Spanish, as well. El vestido. It came from the Latin word vestitus (dressed). Vestments. It was not gender specific.

DFW

(56,741 posts)
147. The languages are a combination of circumstance and necessity
Sun Jun 2, 2024, 04:21 AM
Jun 2024

I live in a country that borders on nine others, with about ten more within a two hour flight. I travel a LOT for my work, so I’d have to be some kind of idiot if I didn’t learn the local languages of countries I visit once a month or more. Think of a German who moves to Chicago, has weekly business trips to both Québec and Mexico, and speaks only German.

You seem to have retained some of your German, at least, although with dress being neuter (das Kleid) and table being masculine (der Tisch), I wonder if you weren’t thinking of another language. Table, for example, is feminine in French and Spanish (la table, la mesa). And that’s “viel, not “veil,” although I suspect that was a typo.

3catwoman3

(25,578 posts)
167. Your suspicion of veil being a typo is right on the money.
Sun Jun 2, 2024, 08:25 AM
Jun 2024

As to my other examples, I was recalling die Tafel and der Rock. After googling, I guess I can forgive myself for confusing dress with skirt after 50+ years of not using the language.

It still makes no sense, to me, for an item of clothing typically worn by females to be a masculine noun -

Out of curiosity, I just looked up the German word for bra/brassiere, and wouldn't you know (as I'm sure you do), it's also a masculine noun -

DFW

(56,741 posts)
169. Not to mention....
Sun Jun 2, 2024, 11:05 AM
Jun 2024

The proper word for condom is feminine, eine Präservative. They do have various other terms for it, of course. Of course, there are no rules to how a language develops, just rules to follow once it is standardized. Electronic media has helped wipe out many colorful local languages, such as my father-in-law’s native language of Pladdütsch. My wife’s cousin still speaks it with her siblings and friends from the village where she grew up. My wife understands much of it, but never spoke it at home because her mom’s family didn’t speak it, and so her parents never spoke it at home.

Only down in Switzerland has the national government encouraged the continued use of the local dialects of German, which is so different from standard (“high” ) German that in Germany, any program from Switzerland is either dubbed or has German subtitles. My wife can’t understand it at all. I’m OK with big city Schwyzerdüütsch (Zürich, Basel), but some of the versions from farther out in the hinterlands are beyond my meager comprehension.

The Blue Flower

(5,640 posts)
55. yes, yahrzeit is the anniversary of a passing
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 03:58 PM
Jun 2024

I still light a yahrzeit candle for my mom after 49 years. They're usually in the kosher section of the grocery store. So sorry for your loss.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
71. Dear 3catwoman3
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 10:38 PM
Jun 2024

Thank you for passing along such a meaningful word. Thank you for the wishes of serenity. I wish the same for you.

DFW

(56,741 posts)
4. My condolences. But for a stroke of luck, I would have been posting something similar
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 12:57 PM
Jun 2024

Last edited Sun Jun 2, 2024, 11:12 AM - Edit history (1)

My wife was diagnosed with a form of cancer known here in Germany as "the Murderer." It is always fatal because it is never discovered until there is no hope to save the patient. Because she had already had cancer before (2001), she got checked out for what seemed to be three trivial tiny spots. Two were, as expected, nothing. One was the Murderer. She underwent a brutal operation, but was that one in ten thousand who survived it. If it had not been for that, I would have lost her seven years ago, after 43 years together.

Knowing the total wreck I would have been if I lost her, I can totally sympathize with you. I can only hope never to be in your shoes.

soldierant

(7,945 posts)
42. So if my math is correct
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 03:07 PM
Jun 2024

you are at or near your fiftieth anniversary. Congranulations, Sugar!

DFW

(56,741 posts)
150. We met 50 years ago, this July
Sun Jun 2, 2024, 04:38 AM
Jun 2024

Even then, both of us had hectic schedules, and mine got even crazier when I was recruited for my job, which I still have (somewhat fancier title and pay grade by now—my starting salary was $15,000 a year). We probably never would have found the time to get married if my brother hadn’t invited us to our wedding. That is not a typo, either. We got married 8 years after we met. Since after 8 years, it was clear that we were going to stay together, we consider our real anniversary to be that fortunate day in July, 1974.

I was chatting to a young woman on a long bench in a dark, smoky cabaret in West Berlin. She told me she was leaving for China the next day, but I should meet her friend from up north. I said sure, where is she? She said, “right here,” and leaned back. I was left momentarily breathless with the beautiful vision I saw, and thought, oh yes, I should definitely meet your friend from up north.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
72. Hello DFW
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 10:41 PM
Jun 2024

I was alternately very sad and then happy to hear your spouse had it threw such an ordeal. I am thrilled for you both. I wish both peace and strength.

DFW

(56,741 posts)
148. She went through a LOT
Sun Jun 2, 2024, 04:24 AM
Jun 2024

But she was that “last woman standing” where all others were not so fortunate. She was very lucky, which means I am even luckier.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
74. Dear TygrBright
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 10:43 PM
Jun 2024

From our previous posts I know you are going through things now as well. Thank you taking the time to respond to my post. It shows great empathy and caring. Peace and strength to you and family.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
75. Dear IA8IT
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 10:43 PM
Jun 2024

Thank you for your well wishes. I wish you everlasting peace and strength.

hlthe2b

(106,574 posts)
9. I will be thinking of you all day and throughout these days. I can understand and I grieve for you too.
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 01:14 PM
Jun 2024

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
76. Dear hithe2b
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 10:45 PM
Jun 2024

To know someone, somewhere is helping to carry another person's grief is of immense help. I thank you with eternal gratitude.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
77. Dear spooky3
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 10:46 PM
Jun 2024

Kindness. What a wonderful wish. I will have to put extra effort into that. Thanks for reminding me. I wish you peace and serenity.

livetohike

(23,020 posts)
11. Sending hugs kairos12 and holding you in my
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 01:24 PM
Jun 2024

thoughts for peace as you grieve. May every good memory of times with your wife comfort you .

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
78. Dear livetohike
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 10:48 PM
Jun 2024

Great DU name. I hike much myself. Memories is what I have now (and IPHONE fotos). All of those help. I wish you continued safe hiking. Remember, the only easy day was yesterday.

badhair77

(4,645 posts)
12. I am so sorry.
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 01:28 PM
Jun 2024

I’m glad you feel safe posting here about your loss. Thinking of you and may you find comfort and gratitude in your memories.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
79. Dear badhair77
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 10:49 PM
Jun 2024

It took me a year to post this loss, but I'm glad I did. Thank you for your words of comfort. I wish you peace and strength.

Doodley

(10,452 posts)
13. All my blessings and sympathies to you. I can't even imagine, but aware that either my wife or I will have to face it.
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 01:33 PM
Jun 2024

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
80. Dear Doodley
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 10:50 PM
Jun 2024

Thank you very much for your words of comfort. As I'm sure you know cherish everyday, forget the little stuff, and build immense memories. Peace and strength to you and your wife.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
82. Dear LoisB
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 10:51 PM
Jun 2024

To receive the heart of someone is an immense gift. Thank you. Peace and serenity to you.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
85. Dear barbtries
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 10:54 PM
Jun 2024

Thank you for your kind words. Anniversaries are indeed tough. I look forward. That's what she wanted. Peace and strength to you.

tavernier

(13,273 posts)
18. Seven years since my hubby passed.
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 01:49 PM
Jun 2024

I still can’t think about it more than a few seconds without starting to cry. Life goes on and I have a full and happy life, but the pain of missing him never goes away.

Hugs to you.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
87. Dear tavenier
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 10:58 PM
Jun 2024

Let me express my sincere condolences the loss of your husband. Grief has it's on timeline. Not something society is generally wants to hear. Life does indeed go on. The pain I understand, totally. I wish you peace, strength, and serenity.

central scrutinizer

(12,441 posts)
19. My condolences
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 01:49 PM
Jun 2024

I lost my wife of 30 years in 2017. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in April of 2016. We awoke the day after the 2016 election and her comment showed her character: I can handle cancer in my body, I can’t handle cancer in the country.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
89. Dear central scrutinizer
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:01 PM
Jun 2024

Thank you for sharing your experience. We unfortunately find ourselves sharing the same unwanted boat. One of my favorite photos is of me and my wife flipping the bird to Chump when AZ was announced going for Biden.

I hope you find peace. I will seek it as well.

central scrutinizer

(12,441 posts)
166. Thanks. Seven years have passed
Sun Jun 2, 2024, 08:23 AM
Jun 2024

I had (and still have) strong support from my family. The hospice also offered group support which I attended often. It helped. Time has dulled the sharp edges of grief. I hope you have support.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
90. Dear live love laugh
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:02 PM
Jun 2024

Great DU name. Thank you for your kind words. I wish you everlasting peace and strength.

Peacetrain

(23,634 posts)
21. Peace and grace be with you kairos12
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 02:08 PM
Jun 2024

Its amazing sometimes where we can all find strength... I found it here also after the passing of my Dad and brother..

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
91. Dear Peacetrain
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:03 PM
Jun 2024

Let me extend my condolences on the passing of your dad and brother. I'm very sorry.

I wish you everlasting peace and strength.

calimary

(84,502 posts)
22. We're at Year 48 this year, and not a day goes by when I don't wonder which of us is gonna leave first.
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 02:14 PM
Jun 2024

Thanks so much, kairos12, for sharing this supremely heavy and intimate loss AND your feelings about it.

I'm glad you posted about this. Seems to me there are many of us DUers who are in our 60s and 70s, at least judging from posts I've read, and "that" time no longer seems as far away as it used to. I find it so comforting that we can all crowd around the online campfire here and keep each other company. And share memories. And sorrows. And fears. And yearnings.

And I always take comfort from that post by our Skittles, long ago, reminding that "someone's always here." I hope you're able to take full advantage of that, cuz it's for real. And it's really made a difference. Sure got me through some bumps on the road. And the best part of all is that it happens to be true. Thank goodness.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
92. Dear calimary
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:06 PM
Jun 2024

Thank you calimary for those wonderful words. Indeed, we do have a communal campfire here at DU. I agree with that perhaps many of us here are on the other side of 60 and are facing immense, existential issues.

Over the last year I've always found someone is here at DU. It has been my primary contact with the world. I am very thankful.

I wish eternal peace and strength.

marble falls

(62,403 posts)
24. I am so sorry for your unimaginable loss. I am also sorry you've been bearing it for this last year.
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 02:24 PM
Jun 2024

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
94. Dear marble falls
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:08 PM
Jun 2024

Even without posting for a year about this DU has provided a wonderful outlet. I'm very thankful. The loss must be carried. I've learned that, nothing else to do. Eyes forward, remembering always, heart full of gratitude for 40 years of priceless love.

Peace and strength to you.

marble falls

(62,403 posts)
104. One foot in front of the other. I know you will pull through. It is so wise you see his time with you as a blessing ...
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:20 PM
Jun 2024

... her loss will not diminish. There's no explaining these things, but we learn to bring the best out of even a devastating event.

lillypaddle

(9,605 posts)
25. I hope you are taking care of yourself
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 02:24 PM
Jun 2024

Your wife would want that, I'm sure you know. Pain, searing heartache, it's only fitting when grieving for a beloved partner of 40 years. Peace to you now, the past is for good memories and the future is a time to look forward though it may be hard.

Condolences. I hope good thoughts and things and people find you.

Jackie

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
96. Dear lillypaddle
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:10 PM
Jun 2024

Thank you for these wonderful and comforting words.I feel her with me always. Peace and strength to you.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
97. Dear wryter2000
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:11 PM
Jun 2024

My heart is cracked, but the love of her keeps it from breaking. Thank you for kind words. Peace and strength to you.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
98. Dear LiberalFighter
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:12 PM
Jun 2024

Memories and IPHONE photos. I'm so grateful for both. Thank you for your kind words.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
99. Dear Magoo48
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:13 PM
Jun 2024

Thank you for your kind words. Peace and good health are precious. I wish you peace and serenity.

Paper Roses

(7,511 posts)
29. Please accept my sympathy. It has been 16 years since my husband died.
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 02:36 PM
Jun 2024

There is no way that I know of to accept the loss. I have great memories as I'm sure you do. It has been lonely for all these years and I am on the verge of destitution. I hope you can find a way to come to grips with the big loss in your life.
They say things get better )I don't believe it). Married 45 years and I'm in bad health. If there is a heaven, I will give him hell for leaving me too soon.
If not, (and I don't believe there is), I will spend my last days with the memory of the good times.
My sympathy and hope you find solace with thoughts of the good times.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
100. Dear Paper Roses
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:16 PM
Jun 2024

I'm so sorry to hear of your current circumstances. Like you I try to spend part of day in remembrance. Memories are so precious. I hope that things improve for you. I wish you peace and serenity. My profound condolences on the passing of your husband.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
101. Dear Hope22
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:17 PM
Jun 2024

Thank you so much for words of comfort. I wish you everlasting peace and strength.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
102. Dear Wicked Blue
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:18 PM
Jun 2024

I was blessed for 40 years. I'm forever grateful. Thank you for your comforting words.

FakeNoose

(35,908 posts)
32. I'm so sorry Kairos for the loss of your wife and best friend
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 02:43 PM
Jun 2024

May you find solace in your memories of her from happier times.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
103. Dear FakeNoose
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:19 PM
Jun 2024

I'm greatly comforted by my memories of her. It's the greatest part of my life. Thank you for your words of comfort.

ancianita

(38,786 posts)
34. Peace to you, kairos12.
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 02:50 PM
Jun 2024

I lost my sick husband two years ago, haven't posted, either, except to say I feel you.

fwiw, last year I began what's variously called "heart work," and learned and felt more peace about life (more than in my former professional life, and more than from therapy decades ago) in doing good for others. One example is when I studied more about the historical Jesus, and learned that his first public speaking was to entirely shift the world view of blessings -- and now mine, answering my church's call to help part time at its full time 5 day/wk food pantry.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven;
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.
Blessed are the pure in spirit, for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Witnessing to Jesus has helped grow my faith in humankind.
He says he hasn't come for the righteous, but for the suffering and the broken.
Who are, unbeknownst to many in the world, pretty much all of us.

Thank you for posting.



kairos12

(13,269 posts)
106. Dear ancianita
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:23 PM
Jun 2024

Thank you for those words of comfort. The verse you posted reflected many of qualities of my late wife. Thank you for that. I wish you peace and strength.

58Sunliner

(4,989 posts)
36. I'm very sorry for your loss. Lost my sister before Trump.
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 02:53 PM
Jun 2024

It's some small solace that she did not have to live through all of this.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
108. Dear 58Sunliner
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:25 PM
Jun 2024

Thank you for your words of comfort. Please accept my condolences with regards to the passing of your sister. My wife lived long enough to see Chump get tossed. I'm thankful for that. I wish you peace and strength.

rockbluff botanist

(360 posts)
37. Of an age to think about this
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 02:57 PM
Jun 2024

This is on my mind all of the time.

Loving and being loved is the greatest gift, and eventually, the deepest sorrow.

Kind thoughts are coming your way from your DU family. I hope you feel the warmth. We all care about you.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
109. Dear rockbluff botanist
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:28 PM
Jun 2024

Indeed, love, and be loved is the greatest of all gifts. It is a risk, however. As you say, sorrow may follow, Still, I would not have traded my experience. There seems to be only few truly worthwhile gambles, love for sorrow is one of them. Peace and strength to you. Thank you for your words of comfort. Peace and strength to you.

DU this year has been of immense support.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
110. Dear malaise
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:30 PM
Jun 2024

Thank you for your words of comfort. Great love can turn to immense sorrow. I know that. I would have not made any other choice. Peace and strength to you.

4TheArts

(114 posts)
43. Heart hugs to you
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 03:08 PM
Jun 2024

I lost two wives just over 4 years apart. Holding onto each as they passed.
Wretched loss and confusion of relief mixed together.
But gosh I learned so much - and remember their lives so well.
A wise lady friend said to me a year later, "you know so well how to love through care for another, now you will need to learn how to love when another gives care for you.
and Kairos, life gets better, brighter, once more.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
112. Dear 4TheArts
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:33 PM
Jun 2024

Thank you so much for sharing your life experience. I can't imagine the double loss you endured. Please accept my sincere condolences. I wish you peace and strength.

"Confusion and relief." You nailed it. Thank you.

brush

(57,945 posts)
44. So sorry for your loss. It gets better, the grief is rough. Been there myself.
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 03:09 PM
Jun 2024

It will turn into fond memories.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
114. Dear brush
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:34 PM
Jun 2024

Thank you for those encouraging word from a place of experience. I wish you peace and strength.

Dem2theMax

(10,365 posts)
45. I am so very sorry for your loss.
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 03:09 PM
Jun 2024

I have always envied those who found great love. But it is always followed by great pain, when one of you passes away.

Having never been married, I don't know what this feels like. But I watched my dad go through it after my mom passed away. They had been married almost 66 years.

Watching my dad, what I learned was that the best thing he did for himself was to keep busy, and stay in a routine. I think it helped keep his mind off of how much it hurt.

I lost both of my parents within five months of each other. And I learned that the best thing I could do was to hold on to the love. And that's what I tell everyone to do. Hold on to the love. It gets you through the pain. The pain never fully goes away. But the love eventually makes it bearable. At least it did for me.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
115. Dear Dem2theMax
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:36 PM
Jun 2024

Thank you so much for sharing your life experience. Please accept my sincere condolences on the passing of your parents. I wish you peace and strength.

AltairIV

(676 posts)
46. Condolences.
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 03:10 PM
Jun 2024

Offering you my deepest sympathies and condolences. May the passage of time bring you some peace.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
118. Dear PortTack
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:38 PM
Jun 2024

Thank you those comforting words and the candles. I wish you peace and strength.

returnee

(320 posts)
48. I lost my first wife at age 39,
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 03:23 PM
Jun 2024

to breast cancer, after 17 years of marriage. It’s so hard to watch a loved one pass, and she did suffer. Took me quite a while to pull myself together. I am now happily remarried for 24 years. My advice would be take all the time you need, get all the help you can, and keep hope and faith in love.
Bless you.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
119. Dear returnee
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:40 PM
Jun 2024

Thank you for sharing your life experience with me. I can't imagine what that must have been like to lose her at age 39. I'm very happy to hear you have found a new path. It provides hope. Short supply these days. I wish you and your family everlasting peace and strength.

ShazamIam

(2,716 posts)
49. My Condolences and sympathy to you Kairos12, such a long marriage must contain many wonderful
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 03:26 PM
Jun 2024

memories that comfort and sustain you.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
120. Dear Shazamlam
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:41 PM
Jun 2024

Those memories do indeed sustain me. Everyday. Thank you for those words of comfort. I wish you peace and strength.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
121. Dear Mme. Defarge
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:44 PM
Jun 2024

I suppose we find ourselves in the same tumbrel cart Mme. Defarge. We have our memories. I hope they sustain you as they do. I wish you everlasting peace and strength. Thank you for your words of comfort.

MLAA

(18,654 posts)
51. Dear kairos12
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 03:29 PM
Jun 2024

I am sending you love and may you always feel your dear wife’s love.💗

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
122. Dear MLAA
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:44 PM
Jun 2024

Thank you so much for those wonderful word of comfort. I wish you everlasting peace and strength.

pandr32

(12,238 posts)
53. I am sorry for your loss.
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 03:36 PM
Jun 2024

You are living my worst fear. Illness and death make us feel so small.
Hugs for you.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
124. Dear pandr32
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:47 PM
Jun 2024

I can only say I've made it through, so far, the greatest fear. I'm sustained by wonderful memories that will last forever. Thank you for words of comfort. Peace and strength to you.

maveric

(16,687 posts)
57. My condolences. I lost my wife to cancer seven weeks ago.
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 04:39 PM
Jun 2024

So sorry to hear that.

It’s still very difficult for me.

Fuck Cancer!

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
128. Dear maveric
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:51 PM
Jun 2024

I'm so sorry to hear of our wife's passing. I can imagine quite well how these last 7 weeks have been. Please accept my profound condolences I wish you everlasting peace and strength.

maveric

(16,687 posts)
132. Thank you so much.
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:54 PM
Jun 2024

It’s seems to get better by the day. Our house is full of her. Everywhere. She was my better half. I can’t begin to get rid of her things. It there yet.

 

SarahD

(1,732 posts)
58. I hope you're OK.
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 05:02 PM
Jun 2024

Loss of a spouse or child is the most difficult experience. Hang in there.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
129. Dear SarahD
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:52 PM
Jun 2024

I move forward each day in grateful remembrance of her. Thank you for your comforting words. I wish you peace and strength.

Irish_Dem

(58,840 posts)
60. The first year is often the hardest.
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 06:10 PM
Jun 2024

So you have made it through the toughest part.

My thoughts go out to you.
Hang in there.

Glad you are reaching out.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
131. Dear Irish Dem
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:54 PM
Jun 2024

Thank you those encouraging words. They mean much. I wish you peace and strength.

Farmer-Rick

(11,505 posts)
61. So sorry you lost your spouse of a lifetime
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 06:39 PM
Jun 2024

Time is the only thing that really helps heal that huge hole in your life. Nice to know you are able to post about it. It's a good sign.

I used DU as a distraction too in that first year of loss of my spouse of 37 years.

Hang in there, it does get easier to bear.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
133. Dear Farmer-Rick
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:56 PM
Jun 2024

Thank you for taking the time to share life experience with me. You provide a message of hope. Please accept my profound condolences in the loss of your wife. I wish you peace and strength.

Evolve Dammit

(18,965 posts)
63. Thanks for letting us know. That must have been an awful three years for her. Hope you will be OK. ED
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 07:57 PM
Jun 2024

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
135. Dear Evolve Dammit
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:58 PM
Jun 2024

Thank you for your message. It was, indeed, a very difficult 3 years. She is free of pain now. I wish you peace and strength.

Great DU name.

Richluu

(99 posts)
64. Bless you. I lost my husband 17 months ago
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 08:05 PM
Jun 2024

There's no way to describe the loss and then the rebuilding that happens when you lose your life's love. You must do it and find other ways to give. It's a journey that changes and matures your life.

Keep building. ❤

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
136. Dear Richluu
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:59 PM
Jun 2024

Please accept my profound condolences on the loss of your husband. Thank you for your comforting words. I wish you peace and strength.

True Blue American

(18,196 posts)
65. Iknow how hard it. It
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 08:33 PM
Jun 2024

To watch pass and it does not get easier. Thois is really a sad anniversary for those who have lost loved ones. Try and remember the bood times. It eases the pain some.
God bless and comfort. You.

Maybe you could get out Try. try to help others. That helped me making new friends

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
137. Dear True Blue American
Sun Jun 2, 2024, 12:00 AM
Jun 2024

Thank you for those words of comfort. I wish everlasting peace and strength.

flying_wahini

(8,043 posts)
66. What a painful thing to go through. I'm sure she was glad you were there with her.
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 08:39 PM
Jun 2024

Sending you My deepest condolences to you and big hugs.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
138. Dear flying_wahini
Sun Jun 2, 2024, 12:01 AM
Jun 2024

Thank you so much for those words of remembrance and condolence. I wish you peace and strength.

elleng

(136,603 posts)
175. You are most welcome, kairos12.
Sun Jun 2, 2024, 06:55 PM
Jun 2024

Just returned from family visit, and the sentiment becomes stronger every day.



kairos12

(13,269 posts)
140. Dear kentuck
Sun Jun 2, 2024, 12:03 AM
Jun 2024

Indeed I'm not alone. DU has been a great source of solidarity. Thank you. I wish you peace and strength.

Ocelot II

(121,236 posts)
81. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 10:50 PM
Jun 2024

Peace and strength to you especially on this sad anniversary.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
141. Dear Ocelot II
Sun Jun 2, 2024, 12:04 AM
Jun 2024

Thank you for those words of condolence and comfort. I wish you peace and serenity.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
142. Dear Dulcinea
Sun Jun 2, 2024, 12:04 AM
Jun 2024

Thank you for those words of condolence. I wish you peace and serenity.

Attilatheblond

(4,431 posts)
117. So many complex facets to the grief of losing one's life partner. Sending strength to you
Sat Jun 1, 2024, 11:38 PM
Jun 2024

After muddling along for 7 years without my beloved husband, I have noted many phases, but the worst for me was not having anyplace to put all the love I still feel. It's hard to just release it up into the air. So hard.

Forms to fill out often ask for marital status, single, married, divorced, widowed. I wish there was a choice for 'widowed, but still married' because that is where I am and will probably always remain.

Know your grief is understood by so many here, as nebulous as that grief will be, always changing form and intensity. It's hard, many know that, and we hope our knowing, our understanding, gives you a little comfort as you walk your new path. Someday, you will notice your are smiling again sometimes. Someday, laughter will bubble up from your throat. But, always, there will be that void. Takes a lot of getting used to, but it evolves and you get stronger.

Courage, honor, and good memories are my wish for you.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
143. Dear Attilatheblond
Sun Jun 2, 2024, 12:08 AM
Jun 2024

Please accept my profound condolences on the passing of your husband. 7 years, or 7 minutes Grief does't respect timetables, that I understand. I will remember now, widower, but still married. Thank you so much for that. That is truly profound.

I hope the memories of your husband carry you forward in such a way that happiness finds you everyday. Thank you for sharing your life with me. I wish you everlasting peace and strength.

sdfernando

(5,399 posts)
144. I'm so sorry for the loss of your wife of 40 years
Sun Jun 2, 2024, 12:41 AM
Jun 2024

I understand your comment about not going 1st. I saw my Dad have to deal with my mother's death after 53 years of marriage. It was a very tough time to get through and I wouldn't have wanted to see my mother go through that.

I hope you have love and peace in the memories you cherish of your wife.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
156. Dear sdfemando
Sun Jun 2, 2024, 08:10 AM
Jun 2024

Thank you so much for sharing your family's life experience with me. Your parents must have had quite a life built on immense love. I envy him those additional 13 years. Peace and everlasting strength to you and your father.

virgdem

(2,208 posts)
145. Sending peace and strength to you...
Sun Jun 2, 2024, 01:09 AM
Jun 2024

as you navigate life without your beloved wife. My deepest condolences on your loss. May your memories of a life well lived and loved with your wife sustain you for the rest of your life.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
157. Dear virgdem
Sun Jun 2, 2024, 08:12 AM
Jun 2024

Thank you for words of comfort and condolence. Indeed, her smile, her laugh, and grace will sustain me all the rest of my days. Peace and serenity to you and family.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
158. Dear Nululu
Sun Jun 2, 2024, 08:13 AM
Jun 2024

Thank for taking the time to share your words of condolence. I wish you peace and strength.

murielm99

(31,479 posts)
149. I am so sorry.
Sun Jun 2, 2024, 04:33 AM
Jun 2024

I understand why you have not posted before. It is beyond difficult.

Please take strength and understanding from all of us at DU and heal.


kairos12

(13,269 posts)
159. Dear muirelm99
Sun Jun 2, 2024, 08:16 AM
Jun 2024

Thank you for taking the time to share your words of condolence. My posting of her passing had reminded me of all the wonderful people there at DU. It makes the path seem less lonely. I wish you peace and strength.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
160. Dear BoRaGard
Sun Jun 2, 2024, 08:17 AM
Jun 2024

Thank you for the gift of remembrance of candles. I wish you peace and strength.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
162. Dear gademocrat7
Sun Jun 2, 2024, 08:18 AM
Jun 2024

Thank you for those words condolence. She was indeed beloved, and remains so. I wish you peace and serenity.

Scrivener7

(53,038 posts)
153. I'm so sorry.
Sun Jun 2, 2024, 06:05 AM
Jun 2024

But ... what a loving thing, to say you would not want your wife to have been the one to feel the pain of the loss of your pairing. It is one more kindness you've given her.

I wish you peace.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
163. Dear Scrivener7
Sun Jun 2, 2024, 08:20 AM
Jun 2024

The comment you mention has been a very hard won lesson, but it will remain with me forever. As she does. Thank you for the wishes of peace. I hope you find peace and strength for all times.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
164. Dear Oopsie Daisy
Sun Jun 2, 2024, 08:22 AM
Jun 2024

Thank you taking the time to offer those worlds of comfort and condolence. I wish you everlasting peace and strength.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
165. Dear cate94
Sun Jun 2, 2024, 08:23 AM
Jun 2024

Thank you for those of condolence and comfort. I wish you peace and serenity.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
171. Dear jaded
Sun Jun 2, 2024, 11:30 AM
Jun 2024

Thank you for your words of condolence during these, indeed, difficult times. Peace and strength to you.

Niagara

(9,782 posts)
170. Rest in Paradise, kairos12's beloved wife
Sun Jun 2, 2024, 11:21 AM
Jun 2024

My heartfelt condolences on your loss.


May beautiful memories fill you with peace and love.

kairos12

(13,269 posts)
172. Dear Niagara
Sun Jun 2, 2024, 11:31 AM
Jun 2024

My beloved is finally out of pain. This I know. Thank you for word of condolence and comfort It means much. Peace and serenity to you.

Response to kairos12 (Original post)

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