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ChazII

(6,324 posts)
Tue Sep 10, 2024, 05:24 PM Sep 10

Tomorrow my son would have turned 40 if

a he had not died from a glioblastoma brain tumor back in 2020. He is forever 35. His other birthdays have not made me sad but this one I am feeling sorrow. I think it is because it is one of the milestone birthdays.

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Tomorrow my son would have turned 40 if (Original Post) ChazII Sep 10 OP
Hugs Chaz Duncanpup Sep 10 #1
I'm so sorry your son died. sdfernando Sep 10 #2
I am so sorry for your loss. maptap22 Sep 10 #3
I am so sorry for your loss. Clouds Passing Sep 10 #4
Here's a hug. calimary Sep 10 #5
That is why I started this thread. ChazII Sep 10 #23
You are never alone on DU. People care. Many hugs. Lonestarblue Sep 10 #44
I'm so sorry 😢 MaryMagdaline Sep 10 #6
So sorry nt XanaDUer2 Sep 10 #7
Cannot imagine the void that you live with. OAITW r.2.0 Sep 10 #8
So very sorry. PittBlue Sep 10 #9
Holding you in my heart. Your son matters. His life matters. n/t TygrBright Sep 10 #10
So sorry for your loss. Paz. RestoreAmerica2020 Sep 10 #11
Hugs BoomaofBandM Sep 10 #12
I understand susanr516 Sep 10 #13
There is a book and a movie called Racing in the Rain. ChazII Sep 10 #25
My son died of Ewing's sarcoma in Jan. 2002 after having been diagnosed 9 months earlier. BadgerMom Sep 10 #29
I'm so sorry for your loss... MLF1981 Sep 10 #39
Thank you. BadgerMom Sep 10 #41
Twenty! I can't imagine losing a child as they are on the threshold of starting ChazII Sep 10 #67
Please consider... ultralite001 Sep 10 #14
I walk up his favorite trail here in Phoenix. ChazII Sep 10 #26
I ❤❤❤ that you are able to do this... ultralite001 Sep 10 #47
oh man Kali Sep 10 #51
It really is a beautiful spot. ChazII Sep 12 #69
I'm very sorry for your loss and can't imagine the loss of a child dlk Sep 10 #15
I am so sorry. I hope you remember his previous birthdays with a smile. Think about his 1st. LoisB Sep 10 #16
Children shouldn't die before their parents do Warpy Sep 10 #17
I am so sorry for your pain. I cannot imagine the loss and all the emotions that come with it. Evolve Dammit Sep 10 #18
Condolences on your loss Moostache Sep 10 #19
... byronius Sep 10 #20
I am so, so sorry. mgardener Sep 10 #21
Peace Codifer Sep 10 #22
I'm so sorry. Sending virtual hugs. LauraInLA Sep 10 #24
Thank you to all my DU family. You have made this birthday-eve ChazII Sep 10 #27
Hugs to you biophile Sep 10 #28
I am sorry - I have been dealing with grief this week as well TBF Sep 10 #30
Accept it as a fact of life. Aussie105 Sep 10 #31
Sending good vibes and hugs your way. MLAA Sep 10 #32
I'm so sorry. Glioblastoma is a terrible cancer that has taken many fine people. ms liberty Sep 10 #33
My condolences for your loss. MLF1981 Sep 10 #34
Deepest condolences on your loss SheltieLover Sep 10 #35
He lives on inside of you and his family Botany Sep 10 #36
I am so sorry. barbtries Sep 10 #37
My heart goes out to you wendyb-NC Sep 10 #38
I'm sorry for your loss 😔 MustLoveBeagles Sep 10 #40
Holidays and birthdays are tough Bayard Sep 10 #42
I am getting there bit by bit. Our tree stays up ChazII Sep 10 #68
This message was self-deleted by its author Bayard Sep 10 #43
I am so sorry iamateacher Sep 10 #45
... Permanut Sep 10 #46
My condolences to you and family. oasis Sep 10 #48
I'm so sorry. Beacool Sep 10 #49
I'm sorry. cate94 Sep 10 #50
My Dad passed 20 years ago today Jarqui Sep 10 #52
I can only imagine your deep loss. We never heal completely, but even carrying that burdon, we can move on. ... marble falls Sep 10 #53
Chazil, kozar Sep 10 #54
I know saying how sorry I am for your loss won't take away your pain, but condolences. sinkingfeeling Sep 10 #55
This message was self-deleted by its author sinkingfeeling Sep 10 #56
Hugs IA8IT Sep 10 #57
Death of a child is heartbreaking Lifeafter70 Sep 10 #58
Hugs Joinfortmill Sep 10 #59
Sending you a big hug. Losing Ilsa Sep 10 #60
My 1st post CuriousSavage Sep 10 #61
I don't know you, but I offer my condolences. johnnyfins Sep 10 #62
Hugs to Chazil. AllyCat Sep 10 #63
I'm so sorry Rorey Sep 10 #64
I know something of it; I lost my mother that way. May time bring you peace. NNadir Sep 10 #65
I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Son. Dem2theMax Sep 10 #66
Thank you, my DU family. ChazII Sep 12 #70
a hug. So sorry electric_blue68 Sep 30 #71

calimary

(84,436 posts)
5. Here's a hug.
Tue Sep 10, 2024, 05:32 PM
Sep 10

((((((((((*))))))))))



You’re not going through this alone if you’re HERE. Don’t be hesitant to talk about it. Or post about it. Or work on it here.

Just remember what our beloved Skittles once said: “someone’s always here.” Which means someone’s always here to help lift the load. There’s a lot of wisdom and hard-earned experience here. Tap into it anytime you need it. It helps. And it illuminates. And it comforts.

ChazII

(6,324 posts)
23. That is why I started this thread.
Tue Sep 10, 2024, 06:27 PM
Sep 10

I cried when the first birthday came and went. I was fine during years 37, 38 and 39. As I said I think it is one of those milestones that is bringing the tears. I remember during the years when my friends turned 40 how we would dress in black and do other crazy things.

Yes, coming here I knew I would not be alone.

susanr516

(1,459 posts)
13. I understand
Tue Sep 10, 2024, 05:55 PM
Sep 10

My oldest daughter died from the same tumor Sept 14, 2023. I think of her the same way. Forever 47. I wish I could cry, but I have no tears left. The closest I have come to crying was when I read your post.

I understand and I'm sending you a virtual hug.

ChazII

(6,324 posts)
25. There is a book and a movie called Racing in the Rain.
Tue Sep 10, 2024, 06:30 PM
Sep 10

The last 5 minutes of the movie I completely lost it as the main character dies from a brain tumor. The story is narrated by a dog whose owner races cars. They both fall for a girl who ends up getting the brain tumor. I was sobbing and I usually do not lose it like that and especially around others. I left and got to my car so I could cry.

BadgerMom

(2,956 posts)
29. My son died of Ewing's sarcoma in Jan. 2002 after having been diagnosed 9 months earlier.
Tue Sep 10, 2024, 06:39 PM
Sep 10

He had just turned 20 a few weeks before his death. He would have turned 40 in 2021. That was an especially tough one. I’ve found, even as the years pass, that something always rocks me near his birthday and death anniversary. It may not occur on the date, but a few days before or after, I’ll be in tears.

I’m very sorry for your loss. Nothing else I’ve ever experienced even comes close to the devastation of his loss. Peace to you.

MLF1981

(211 posts)
39. I'm so sorry for your loss...
Tue Sep 10, 2024, 06:55 PM
Sep 10

Twenty is so young... I couldn't imagine what that must have been like. Please know that he's never gone as long as you think of him.

ChazII

(6,324 posts)
67. Twenty! I can't imagine losing a child as they are on the threshold of starting
Tue Sep 10, 2024, 08:37 PM
Sep 10

their life as an adult.

ultralite001

(1,145 posts)
14. Please consider...
Tue Sep 10, 2024, 05:56 PM
Sep 10

doing something he would have loved in his memory...

This time of year, I bake things that my mom loved... + share w/ others who are grieving...

I also check out classic car shows because my dad + I made some great memories rebuilding a number of classics...

Consider watching a movie he loved... or play some music he loved... or read something he loved...

I have also planted trees for those in my family who have passed... It's a wonder watching them grow w/ the passing seasons...

Comfort comes w/ knowing they aren't forgotten + they've gifted something to share.

I miss my folks most this time of year... Hoping you find comfort in fond memories of your son...

ChazII

(6,324 posts)
26. I walk up his favorite trail here in Phoenix.
Tue Sep 10, 2024, 06:35 PM
Sep 10

It is located in Papago Park and it leads up to Hunt's Tomb. I have planted a desert landscape garden and decorate it with different themes. In our front yard which is also desert landscape I have rock formations. For Halloween skeletons are crawling on the rocks. There are snake skeletons and other critters.

ultralite001

(1,145 posts)
47. I ❤❤❤ that you are able to do this...
Tue Sep 10, 2024, 07:22 PM
Sep 10

When my mom was too ill to cook Thanksgiving dinners, I arranged a Thanksgiving "picnic" from a local diner w/ turkey pot pies + cranberry sauce + pumpkin tarts + hot coffee... Loaded up the car w/ all mom's breathing equipment + supplies + took her and dad to a nearby wildlife flyway to watch the migrating birds... So many hawks were on fence posts at eye level... She was beyond delight that they had all come to be seen as we drove to the refuge + spent a couple of hours simply oohing + ahhing while we ate our Thanksgiving feast... It was a very good day...

Kali

(55,810 posts)
51. oh man
Tue Sep 10, 2024, 07:31 PM
Sep 10

my son is his age. he loves to go up there and to Hole In The Rock when he stays in Tempe. he was just up there last week. I grew up there, next to the canal, know the park well. peace to you.

ChazII

(6,324 posts)
69. It really is a beautiful spot.
Thu Sep 12, 2024, 07:19 AM
Sep 12

It is so peaceful at the tomb as more folks go to Hole in the Rock.

dlk

(12,412 posts)
15. I'm very sorry for your loss and can't imagine the loss of a child
Tue Sep 10, 2024, 05:58 PM
Sep 10

Of course, his birthday will bring back memories. How could it not? I hope you can remember the love and joy he brought into your life, even if he left this world far too soon, and find some comfort there.

Warpy

(113,131 posts)
17. Children shouldn't die before their parents do
Tue Sep 10, 2024, 06:12 PM
Sep 10

so know you're not alone today. We're all with you.

Moostache

(10,172 posts)
19. Condolences on your loss
Tue Sep 10, 2024, 06:13 PM
Sep 10

Losing a child that young to such a terrible cause is heart-breaking to hear and I can't imagine the pain to live through. I am wishing you a flood of good memories from the past to soothe you through the moment and to calm you through your journey and sincere wishes that you meet again in the clearing at the end of your path as well.

mgardener

(1,898 posts)
21. I am so, so sorry.
Tue Sep 10, 2024, 06:25 PM
Sep 10

My son only lived for 5 days.
He would have be 42 this Nov.

I had a hard time when he would have been 40, too.

ChazII

(6,324 posts)
27. Thank you to all my DU family. You have made this birthday-eve
Tue Sep 10, 2024, 06:36 PM
Sep 10

is there such a word??? happier for me.

TBF

(34,437 posts)
30. I am sorry - I have been dealing with grief this week as well
Tue Sep 10, 2024, 06:39 PM
Sep 10

it is a sibling in my case. Can't imagine losing a son!

Aussie105

(6,322 posts)
31. Accept it as a fact of life.
Tue Sep 10, 2024, 06:44 PM
Sep 10

That life is precious, but not permanent.

I've lost parents and a son over the last few decades.
Wife has lost parents and a sister.
Like most people, grief comes.

I'm proud to have known all of them. Think of them fondly, who they were and what they achieved during their lives.

Grief is a strange thing. You think it is over, but resurfaces at different times for different reasons.
Ride it, know it will be over before long.
Then concentrate on the living.
Look after yourself, and carry on.

SheltieLover

(59,730 posts)
35. Deepest condolences on your loss
Tue Sep 10, 2024, 06:52 PM
Sep 10

I hope that in time your fond memories will outweigh the crushing pain.

barbtries

(29,877 posts)
37. I am so sorry.
Tue Sep 10, 2024, 06:53 PM
Sep 10

The milestones do seem to hit harder somehow. Have a plan, cry as much as you need to, we'll be here.

wendyb-NC

(3,845 posts)
38. My heart goes out to you
Tue Sep 10, 2024, 06:54 PM
Sep 10

Loosing a child never goes away. I lost my eldest son when he was 38. I think of him everyday. The love never goes away either.
That I suppose is the silver lining as strange as that may sound. Peace be with you. May sorrow ebb and the light of your son, shene in your heart.

Bayard

(24,145 posts)
42. Holidays and birthdays are tough
Tue Sep 10, 2024, 07:08 PM
Sep 10

Hope you will get to a point where you can remember him with smiles.

ChazII

(6,324 posts)
68. I am getting there bit by bit. Our tree stays up
Tue Sep 10, 2024, 08:41 PM
Sep 10

year around. December it has the traditional Christmas decorations. In October and November it is decorated for Halloween and Thanksgiving. February has red and pink chains, hearts, etc. and so on for the year. He loved to decorate for the holidays. He was a big fan of the 9th and 10th doctors in the Dr. Who series so we have a Tardis cookie jar and several Tardis throughout the house, a few blankets, and one back pack.

Response to ChazII (Original post)

iamateacher

(1,103 posts)
45. I am so sorry
Tue Sep 10, 2024, 07:18 PM
Sep 10

A close friend had the same type of tumor. I miss her her wonderful heart. You are in my thoughts.

Beacool

(30,329 posts)
49. I'm so sorry.
Tue Sep 10, 2024, 07:29 PM
Sep 10

I can't imagine the depth of your pain and sorrow. Good vibes and a hug are going your way.



Jarqui

(10,495 posts)
52. My Dad passed 20 years ago today
Tue Sep 10, 2024, 07:32 PM
Sep 10

I'm not much for birthdays or anniversaries.

He was a great father.

It is bothering me more than usual today.

Wish I could talk with him.

marble falls

(62,329 posts)
53. I can only imagine your deep loss. We never heal completely, but even carrying that burdon, we can move on. ...
Tue Sep 10, 2024, 07:36 PM
Sep 10

... please sign in tomorrow, a lot of us will be looking for you.

kozar

(2,903 posts)
54. Chazil,
Tue Sep 10, 2024, 07:40 PM
Sep 10

Im so sorry for you loss,
I first responded to MrsK and Lil, traumatic, to say the least.
All I know, LilBits b day is in May. MrsK and my anniversary is the 25th of this month.
I honestly don't know the years, I just remember our life together.
I pray you can move forward, and not count anymore
Loss, takes time,
Koz

Response to ChazII (Original post)

Lifeafter70

(365 posts)
58. Death of a child is heartbreaking
Tue Sep 10, 2024, 07:54 PM
Sep 10

Doing something you both enjoyed is a celebration of his life.
Cancer sucks. My son has been fighting ACC since 2016. It's soul crushing to watch your child suffer and slowly slip away. He turned 50 this year and we are celebrating by taking him on his dream vacation to Vancouver Canada. His tumor is still there but last Gamma Knife treatment slowed its progression. Giving us the joy of more time with him. Sending you a hug.

Ilsa

(62,251 posts)
60. Sending you a big hug. Losing
Tue Sep 10, 2024, 07:55 PM
Sep 10

your baby boy, even when he's not a baby any more, will stay with you. You're entitled to your sadness.

CuriousSavage

(1 post)
61. My 1st post
Tue Sep 10, 2024, 07:55 PM
Sep 10

My son too. GBM at 16 years old. The only good thing about the COVID shutdown was that we had one hell of a year all together after diagnosis... despite all of the fear, treatments and sorrow. Healthiest person in the house. It is truly one of the worst experiences a parent can go through. I wouldn't even wish it on TFG though he wouldn't care. I share your anguish. We're in our third year. I can breathe now but it shook every aspect of my life. We are walking the same journey. I have no answers but offer one suggestion. Allow that soul wrenching cry to come out. Let the tears flow. It's like a relief valve for me.

Try to do something tomorrow that you know he'd enjoy. Please talk to others who know... Look into Helping Parents Heal. They just had their conference in AZ. Good people. As the FNG, I could not text you privately until 50 posts. There is so much more to write but I don't want to hijack your post. HUGS. STRENGTH.

Note: been here forever just too lazy to sign up. Hello everyone and thank you all.

johnnyfins

(1,419 posts)
62. I don't know you, but I offer my condolences.
Tue Sep 10, 2024, 07:57 PM
Sep 10

May your happy memories of him sustain you in your grief.

ChazII

(6,324 posts)
70. Thank you, my DU family.
Thu Sep 12, 2024, 07:24 AM
Sep 12

Yesterday had more tears than usual but as the title says it was his 40th birthday. The bright side is it will be 10 more years before another milestone birthday. Your comments as well as many left on his Facebook page helped.

I was at St. Stephen's food bank where I volunteer each Wednesday, Helping others is a good way to get my mind off of grieving.

Several posters commented that DU is a family and that we are here to support one another. Thank you for supporting me.

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