Divorce sucks.

[Blue_Roses]

After 20 years of marriage and two kids, my husband have decided to part ways. While we are trying to be amicable about this, it isn't working so well. How do you get through a divorce without losing your mind?

[elleng]

1. Negotiations can be difficult,

so having good counsel is important.

On the other hand, how do you get through NOT getting a divorce without losing your mind?

Good luck.

[Blue_Roses]

3. True

lol...

[irisblue]

2. I am really really sorry

You will lose your mind. You will lose your shit. And then, after sometime you will feel better. Swear to the above.

[Blue_Roses]

4. Thank-you!

I find myself sinking into a depression at times and overwhelming sadness, even though I am ready to move on from this marriage. So many changes are happening so fast. I continue to workout, which does wonders for my stress and I try to remain positive for my two daughters (they are 18 and 19 y/o) , but sometimes it feels like I'm carrying two tons of weight on my shoulder.

[marylandblue]

11. I was very depressed during and after my divorce

Friends and family were my saviors. Also psychotherapy.

[marylandblue]

5. It's like getting back surgery

Scary and hurts like hell at first, but eventually the pain is gone and you finally realize that your free.

[Blue_Roses]

7. Scary is the exact word

to stress how I'm feeling. I've always been able to land on my feet, but this seems so different. I don't know if it's cause I'm older or because of uncertainty in myself.

[marylandblue]

10. You've been together so long, fear is natural

But millions of people have gone through and came out stronger. You will too.

[MountainManAt8kft]

6. Felt your pain.

After 22 yrs., I was convinced I'd die being married, but instead, my ex and I parted ways. Yes, it's like the end of the world. For me, work was therapy and now 10 years later, my kids are 17 and 19 and a new chapter is about to open as my youngest is starting her senior year. There is life after divorce.

[Blue_Roses]

8. How did you and your ex finally

come to that decision?

[murielm99]

9. Yes it does.

I have a family member going through this right now. He is in pain.

I had not heard from him for a week or so, so I texted him. He answered today. My daughters tell me he is active on Facebook and going out to do things.

I hope you have a support system. That may keep you from losing your mind. If someone offers help, take it. Don't isolate yourself.

[irisblue]

12. How are you doing?

[Blue_Roses]

13. I'm hanging in there

Thank-you so much for asking! Today is one of those days where I just want to crawl under the covers and sleep--for days.

Right after I first posted this, my soon-to-be-ex was admitted to the hospital with a severe infection in his foot. He stayed in the hospital for a week and was released with a PICC line for IV meds. He has been on these for two and a half weeks now and has 2 more weeks to go. It has been rough, because we are both ready to move on, but feel stagnant. He is unable to work at this time, which adds to an already tense situation. But, my mother was a nurse, so I'm trying to see this through a nurse's eye, since this infection could have been life-threatening.

I have no doubt we will get through this, but it just seems it will never end.

[mopinko]

14. it will end. my divorce dragged out for 3 years.

after 30 years, i finally took him at his word when he threatened divorce for the umpteenth time. i wouldnt let him take it back. but to him it was i who threw him out.

i kept asking him why he didnt thank me for finally setting him free. when it all finally wrapped up i asked about him that again, and he had to admit it was a true statement.
he is happily settled in w a new lady who is laughably like me.

after the settlement, it all settled down. admitted that he was good about everything after that point. the minor things that needed to be disentangled went smoothly.

a year and a half later we are even able to be on the same page in trying to get our son to accept help for his obvious mental illness. (it runs in the family) his siblings, who had written him off, also came together.
this was all beyond my fondest hopes. in spite of everything, we are all still a family.

i promise it gets better after all the chips fall.

[Blue_Roses]

15. A week later after writing this he snuck out

last Wednesday morning with his stuff, the only car we have (he claims it's his, but this is a community property state), and moved in with his mom--still continuing on IV meds. He will not answer my calls or my daughter's calls. My daughter has missed five days of work because he won't let me have the car. When I went to his mom's to get it, it wasn't there. Now we have a pending eviction since he stopped all direct deposits.I see why people snap.

[mopinko]

16. report the car stolen.

play some hardball.
do you have an order for support? hold him in contempt. even w/o a agreed order, he is or should be required to maintain status quo.

and yeah, snapping is def an option.

[Blue_Roses]

17. I can't report it stolen for a couple of reasons

It is in his name only and this is a community property state, however, when we go to court in two weeks the judge will make the decision about the car and other assests. If he then does not uphold the agreement that the judge makes then I can call the police.

[mopinko]

18. it gets better.

i am about to work out a lump sum for my remaining 2 yrs of alimony.
he pulled the oldest dirty trick in the ex husband book- he lost his job and took shitty job just to spite me.
i gave him a low %, and he thinks it should stick, even tho it is clearly spelled out that is was based on THAT job. didnt even stick around to get his severance, which he was supposed to split w me.
i have been sick, and tho i threatened to take him back to court, i had bigger fish to fry.

i am doing well financially, tho, as i invested my proceeds wisely. i bought a shitty little single family home and rehabbed it. the rent from that made up for his shortfall.

we have managed all along to talk about the kids. i have no hard feelings, but he does. i think when he is done writing checks, things will get better.
i always thought we would stay friends, but he doesnt think so.
but we have chatted about a few things lately, and it seems like he is cooling off.

good luck. do you have a good lawyer? i paid a small fortune to one who fired me. i needed what i needed and she didnt think the math could be made to work. but without her in the way, i got what i needed.

i always hated lawyers, and between that one and another who worked on some issues i had w the city, i dont think i will ever hire one again.

[babydollhead]

19. i know this was long ago, but its new to me

husband of 30 years just gave me 3 weeks notice that his is over and he is moving back to GA, from here, in PA.
I am a certifiable wreck. i can't stop my grief.