Wow! I didn't know there was a DU loners group.

[elocs]

I live alone and have for decades, but I'm also sort of an officially diagnosed loner in that I have a schizoid personality disorder which I've never considered to be a disorder. It is a spectrum disorder in that some with it can have their lives negatively impacted by it, but for me I consider it to be just who I am.

First of all, I do believe there is a difference in being a loner by choice as opposed to having it imposed upon you. Myself, I am a secret schizoid in that even if people knew what schizoid was, they'd never suspect me of being one because I can do the social sprint very well but I have no interest in the social marathon. I am friendly and outgoing and not shy and can speak to absolute strangers engagingly and can make them laugh but knowing it's unlikely I will see them again. I have no friends like I did when I was a kid in that there are people with whom I am friendly and can talk with but it's usually just visiting at the mailbox or at their homes. We never do anything together other than that.

As far as schizoid goes, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders has been considering eliminating it as a disorder and simply considering it a variation of "normal" whatever that may be.
But finding a loners group almost seems to be an oxymoron, like giant shrimp.

Let me end with a humorous moment from the old tv show "Taxi" where Rev. Jim was explaining how he used to have a split personality. He said, "When I was out with people I would be the life of the party but when I got home, alone by myself, I'd clam up".

[Ocelot II]

1. Loners have groups?

Seriously, it's always good to know you're not the only weirdo who'd rather stay home alone with a book or a good movie. Loners have been conditioned to believe there's something wrong with being unsociable, but here we are.

[JohnSJ]

2. +++

[elocs]

19. I wouldn't call myself unsociable but rather non-sociable.

The mailboxes where I live are on the street in front of my house and I always talk to people when I'm out there but it's only for a short time, hence the social sprint and not a social marathon.

One thing I always hate is when there is a mass shooter at a school or somewhere that the perp is always described as being a loner, even when they are not, like it's some kind of easy explanation requirement.

[CrispyQ]

3. There's not a lot of activity.

You'd hardly know we're here.

[elocs]

20. I don't know...maybe it's like Groucho said, I don't know if I could belong to a club

that would have me as a member. But a group for loners does seem to be a contradiction in terms.

[Warpy]

4. Life of the party? Ha.

At parties, I tend to find an animal in residence and commiserate with it for the duration. It doesn't help that I can;t drink alcohol.

About the only socializing I do these days is with a former neighbor, her hubby and four kids. They're all great, but it takes me a couple of days to recharge my batteries afterward.

[elocs]

18. What I would do at a work Christmas party:

It would be held in the basement so I would walk down, greet people, and everyone would see me. I would then get some food and then make my way out. Afterwards, everyone would swear that they had seen me there even though I was only at the party for a couple of minutes.

I can remember in high school in the classes where you got to pick your own desk always choosing to be in the back corner with nobody behind me and where I was actually a spectator of the rest of the class.
I found myself doing the same thing at work when there were group employee meetings I would always choose to sit in the back corner.

[Walleye]

5. I am the same, small talk and casual encounters add to the quality of my life

I have one best friend I see sometimes mostly text with her and my friend in New Mexico. I’ve known both of them for 50 years. I’ve tried making new friends but it’s incredibly stressful.And I know people suggest volunteer work etc. I just don’t think I would fit in

[SheltieLover]

6. Welcome home!

Ps - we have all sorts of great groups!

[Clash City Rocker]

7. I would assume only one person is allowed in the group at a time

Seriously, the internet is something of a haven for introverts, I think.

[Joinfortmill]

8. Sounds a lot like me. Introverted, but socialized. Lol.

I have a busy and curious mind. I like folks in small doses. After awhile I just get fatigued and need some quiet time. My dad was also an introvert/loner. When he got older he said, "I only like people in particular."

[Basic LA]

9. A problem for older loners...

...At my age it would make sense to sell my little house & move to a retirement home, preferably near my daughter. Problem is, these retirement communities seem geared strictly for raging extroverts. They have social activities planned around the clock, nonstop. I wish there were Independent/assisted living facilities for normal people (introverts) but I haven't found any so far. Still searching.

[TygrBright]

10. My mother lives in one of those communities. She just doesn't participate.

Nobody bothers her about it. Once in a while one of the staff or neighbors will ask her if she wants to go to a movie or join an outing. If she says no, they leave her alone.

If she's feeling particularly unsociable she takes her meals back to her apartment on a tray.

She doesn't mind people saying "hi" if she's sitting out by the pond or in the atrium (for a change of scenery) reading the paper. She just smiles and nods. She likes having people around, but interacting, not so much.

helpfully,
Bright

[Hekate]

13. I'll have to keep that in mind ...

Bright, it never ceases to amaze me what shows up on DU’s front page. I was raised by introverts, and basically had to learn “social” for myself — like a foreign language.

The covid shutdown has had me reverting to type.

[TygrBright]

21. 3 years on, I am re-examining the effects of mandatory introversion on my physical and mental health

It's "easy" but it's not really good.

It's complicated. Has a lot to do with thinking patterns, mood management, exercise, eating patterns, etc.

Fortunately my 'aloneness' is shared with the introvert to whom I am married, so that mitigates the worst of the effects.

All the same, I suspect a good many aspects of my physical and mental health will improve when I can call a friend and say "Let's rent a tub at 10,000 Waves this afternoon, and have an early dinner together," or when I can tell a work colleague "Let's have a 'walking meeting' about that, the two of us, and stop for coffee."

And when I can visit my Mom in person 2-3 times a year, hopefully before she checks out, and when my daughter and her family can finally make their long-planned visit here and we can wander around in some of the museums and hiking trails, and share a few meals in pleasant surroundings other than my house.

Or even when we can see "Avatar 2"... I'd like to be able to do that on a big screen someday.

None of those things is exactly a whooptiedoo party social scenario, but not having the option is starting to grate on me.

wistfully,
Bright

[Hekate]

24. Exactly so

[elocs]

16. At age 70, having lived independently most of my adult life,

being forced to live with other people or in a nursing home would be absolute hell for me and I would never live in such a place if it is within my power to prevent it.

I have, or had, an 80 year old neighbor whose wife died maybe 8 years ago and has been living on his own. A couple of years ago he discovered that his liver was done and supposedly he has been dying since, but he just hangs in there. Sadly his children forced him to go into an assisted living facility. I saw him a few days later and his complaint was that the place was full of old people who needed to wear bibs in the dining hall. Funny, but sad as well.

[Ocelot II]

25. My dad, very much an introvert, lived in a senior retirement home

after my mom died, and he seemed to like it there even though he didn't participate much in the group activities. He made a few friends, including a man who had an electric train set in his apartment. My dad, who had worked for a railroad, would visit his friend and play with the trains; otherwise he mostly stayed in his own place and listened to classical music. He also figured out the Internet, and spent a lot of time researching family history and the places they lived. I think he was pretty comfortable there.

[TeamProg]

11. Schizoid? Do you see connections between events, ideas, objects and/or people that

do not actually exist?

Apophenia is one of the surest signs of schizoid behavior.

[elocs]

22. No, I'm on the mild end of the schizoid spectrum.

Very little is really known about schizoid because so very few of us ever seek help because we consider ourselves to be "normal". But I've read lots of things written by so-called "experts" that are flat out wrong.
Schizoid is not the same as schizophrenia.

[berniesandersmittens]

12. Welcome!

[packman]

14. Cats have it down

[Butterflylady]

15. So glad to find this group. Learning something new every day here.

I am a happy introvert. However, all my kids are extroverts so at family gatherings I just sit and listen. Even if I am around a group of people ( which rarely is the occasion, even though I live in 65 and over complex) I just mostly listen. You would be surprised what one can learn.

[NullTuples]

17. Thank you for celebrating neurodiversity!

Regarding a loners group being an oxymoron...I'm an introvert & an autistic (+ADHD, plus....a bunch of other ND traits) and it's common in our communities to recognize that everyone has different amounts of social needs and they can vary over time, conditions, etc.. So online groups are *perfect*! Especially when they understand this, so someone can drop in sporadically and pick up a conversation they left four months prior as if it was an hour ago and everyone just goes along with it. It's...nice.

[txwhitedove]

23. Hello, fellow introvert here. On DU for 17 years but first time visit to Loners Group.

Explained to my grown kids that I worked all my life to now be able enjoy staying home alone. Peace at last.

[elocs]

28. Ironically I'll have been at DU for 17 years this March. Small world. n/t

[peacebuzzard]

30. ♥️

[Goonch]

26. Got me thinking so I took this Schizoid Personality Spectrum Test....

https://www.idrlabs.com/schizoid-personality-spectrum/test.php

My schizoid traits are moderate (51.25%) and that feels about right ;-{)

[elocs]

29. My schizoid diagnosis came about 12 years ago when my daughter was tested

for a variety of things because she had been diagnosed with mental health problems. She wanted me to be with her when she received the results from the psychologist. When he told her that she had schizoid tendencies, which I had never heard of before other than the King Crimson song, so I asked what it meant. When the psychologist explain, my daughter and I looked at each other wide eyed and she was thinking, "this sounds like Dad!" and I'm thinking, "this sounds like ME!" I had no idea that I had anything with an actual name.
Also, I've found many of those online schizoid tests to simply be an exaggerated caricature of what a schizoid really is like.

[littlemissmartypants]

27. Welcome to Loners, elocs. ❤️