The Compassion Files: Perpetuating Emotions
The emotion that pulls at me the most is a sort of nostalgic sadness. Oh, I feel it right in my chest. It gets me every time. I woke up the other day feeling that way and something occurred to me: there is a part of me that wants to feel that way. I'm not at the mercy of the emotion. There is something in me that perpetuates it.
I know it sounds odd that there is a part of myself that wants to feel sad, but it appears to be the truth.
Here is an example of how it might manifest. I love my wife very much and I like to spend as much time with her as I can. Sometimes I wish that we could be together forever. I have this fantasy that I die before she does and enter the afterlife. When she dies, I wake her in the afterlife and welcome her to eternity. Man, it really pulls on my heart strings.
But I know it's just a fantasy and there is a part of me that uses it to perpetuate this feeling of nostalgic sadness. It has it's roots in a time when my wife and I first fell in love. I literally want to feel that way forever, but it's a thing of the past. Hence, nostalgic sadness and the fantasy of my wife and I spending eternity like newly found lovers.
But that emotion...man...it's like a beautiful, fragrant flower that I can't stop looking at and smelling. But being right here right now dissolves it pretty fast if I can just remember to keep my presence.
I wonder what else I'm perpetuating?