The Onion’s Tips For Passing Gun Control Legislation

[Electric Monk]

(reposting from GD)

Write gun control legislation. Pass gun control legislation.



Before voting on gun control bill, try, if you can, to remember any recent examples in which guns have been used to kill innocent people.



Acknowledge that it’s going to be hard to buck the pressure of the high-powered gun lobby, but not that fucking hard, dumbass.



Consider if overwhelming public support for a particular measure is something you want to be associated with or not.



Inform your decision by researching whether guns are good or bad when placed in the wrong hands.



Muster everything that’s left in your black, desiccated heart to do something that might actually be of service to someone other than yourself.



Carefully assess the other side of the argument wherein mentally unstable people can buy weapons at a gun show with no problem whatsoever, and then realize there is no other side of this argument.



Put on your stupid little suit, run a comb through your greasy hair, go to the U.S Capitol building, pick up your fancy little gold pen, and pass a fucking gun control bill.


http://www.theonion.com/articles/the-onions-tips-for-passing-gun-control-legislatio,32103/

[Hoyt]

1. Would love see a Prez walk up to the podium, hold an assault rifle over his head,

look right at the camera and say, "I'm going to cram this up the rear of anyone who stands in my way." Then, bash the rifle into pieces.

[billh58]

2. K&R

for the Truth!

[jimmy the one]

3. GOA (gunnuts anonymous, gun owers anonymous)

I think also, in the onion sense, that we could use a 'Gunnuts Anonymous', similar to the better known AA re alcohol.
Meets would go along the AA line, introduce oneself, such as:

Hi everyone. I'm Steve. And I'm a gunnut.

counselor: Welcome Steve! (background murmurs, titters of hi steve!, hey, how ya doin); would you care to tell us something about yourself? you don't have to, you can just listen if you want.

Steve: Be glad to. I've been a gunnut for over 15 years, have had at least 15 guns (a few gasps, oh nos) & fell for the nra baloney that guns would make me safer. Then as I aged, I realized that it was all a myth, a 2nd amendment mythology, and my guns were more a hazard than a boon since I hadn't used them at all to defend myself - not even once - & I once almost shot my finger off at a gun range but lucky it went down into the ground & no one noticed. My kids even found them sometimes, but at least they were never loaded (sighs of relief in bg). I sold my guns to a city buyback, tried to sell them to a gun dealer but his quotes were awful & I thought giving them to the government was perhaps wiser.

Shouts of Bravo, Yay, Yeah, from all around. A Gunnut on his way to recovery!

Added benefit, would give the pro gun org 'Gun Owners of America' fits, as the acronym would (sometimes) be the same GOA.