At exactly 8:20 my daughter dropped off my three year old grand daughter on her way to work like she does five days a week. I know it was exactly 8:20 because the bell at the Elementary school rings at 8:20 and that means she got the first and fourth grade grandsons to school in time.
Like every other day Kate sits in my lap, head on my chest watching talking heads on TV. She has no idea what it's all about but Grand Dad watches it so it has to be important.
About 9:00 AM the red and white breaking news crawler comes on MSNBC. Something about shots fired at a school in Connecticut. Shit, I think, some asshole got fired and is back with a gun shooting up the place. I switch to CNN and it's the same breaking news.
By 9:20 Chris Jansing was live on the scene. There are aerial views of police running all around the buildings and a voice over identifying the school as Sandy Hook Elementary. I'm thinking things sure move fast to have a major anchor on scene already. She is reporting that there are casualties but no further information at this point.
By 10:00 there are reports that children are among the casualties along with the vice principal and a teacher. I think, Can't this asshole shoot well enough to avoid little kids?
Fast forward to noon and the reports are that four to five teachers are among the casualties and as many as a dozen children. No details on ages but between five and seven years of age.
There is now streaming video of children holding hands led by teachers running across the parking lot away from the school. Pictures of men and women screaming and crying, some on their knees. A voice over says that a screening area for parents and students is set up at a nearby firehouse. By now hardened professional journalists are openly weeping.
Mid afternoon the coroner is interviewed and confirms that there are 20 children dead from multiple gunshot wounds. It's surreal. He is so calm and matter of fact about it all. Describes the next step in identifying the dead. It's complicated because first graders don't carry ID. He has photographers who will enter the school and document the children for parents to identify. Someone asks about the condition of the bodies and the coroner says that his photographers are really good and know how to do their jobs. Another questioner asks how he can be so unaffected. He responds in a matter of fact tone that there is work to do now and there will be time for that later.
By now I'm openly sobbing and Kate asks me what's wrong. She's afraid because grownups don't get scared and don't cry so something very bad must be happening. I comfort her as best I can.
3:30 the two boys are home from school. They can't figure out what's going on. I do my best to reassure them that everything is okay, Mom and Dad are okay and Nana is fine too. They're all at work and will be home in a few hours.
About 6:00 my daughter arrives to pick up her children. She's wearing dark glasses but the mascara on her cheeks belies her condition. She looks at me and says, "I have this information but don't know how to process it."
The thought of what those children's last few minutes of life were like is stuck inside my head. The fear, the crying, the things they saw in those final minutes and seconds. I still hear them today. Right now I hear the calls for Mommy and Daddy.
So I have my priorities.
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