How I Broke Free From Religion and Embraced My Sexuality

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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/angie-schuller-wyatt/how-i-broke-free-from-religion-and-embraced-my-sexuality_b_2839257.html

Angie Schuller Wyatt
Author, 'God and Boobs: Balancing Faith and Sexuality'

Posted: 03/16/2013 9:56 pm

There's a seemingly holy trinity in my family: Grandfather, father and brother, all with the name Robert Schuller. They were the face of The Crystal Cathedral's "Hour of Power" broadcast, preaching sermons televised around the world. "Hour of Power" was the most watched religious program in the world from 1972 until 2008. The popularity of "Hour of Power" made celebrities of my grandfather and his protégé, my father. They promoted The Crystal Cathedral mantra of Possibility Thinking (how faith in God creates a mindset that leads to successful living) to sold-out stadium crowds. They appeared live on news broadcasts, offering religious commentary in reaction to world events. Adoring fans still stop them at the grocery store seeking a prayer, a blessing and an autograph.

And so it was, I grew up a Schuller, the oldest child and grandchild of my generation. Though heir to this masculine dynasty, I'm of another fabric. Not only do I have a different first name, I also have boobs. That's the real dividing line: my gender. While I love the men in my life, we're designed differently. Femininity is the canvas upon which I experience faith. I learned the hard way, through trial and error, how to break free from religious constrains and embrace my sexuality.

As a child, I thought Possibility Thinking meant that God's biggest goal was for me to be successful. I feared that I could not please God unless, like the men in my life, I was famous and living the American Dream. I was in middle school when my grandfather released his book, "If It's Going to Be, It's Up to Me." He insisted that I repeat the title back to him with his signature intonation, enunciating each syllable with vibrato. In compliance, I mimicked my grandfather's diction, but I lacked his compelling spirit. He said, "No, Angie, like you mean it!" But I just couldn't do it; I couldn't be like my grandfather.

By college, I was trapped in an emotional and mental tug-of-war. My passion for serving God was met by a desire to be a sexy, strong and self-aware woman. In my mind, these ideals could not co-exist.

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