ONE MORE DAY (a blog post by a DUer, a caregiver, a friend)

[OneGrassRoot]

I also posted in GD, if you're inclined to give it some love there, too.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10022593063

Neither the author of this blog post nor I are particularly religious, but respect those who are. I ask those who usually trash any OP here with even a slightly religious tone to be respectful. This post isn't about religion, it's about her journey as a caregiver, caring for her elderly mother, and the goodness and love she has encountered along the way. This is a most appropriate day, imho, to share this message.




It's Easter morning -- the most important day of the year for Christians.

Even those of us whose faith is tenuous find it in ourselves at Easter, and come together in houses of worship to praise and be thankful for salvation. Although I was raised in the Christian tradition, and still hold in my heart many of those tenets (Love Thy Neighbor, Do Unto Others as You Would Have Them Do Unto You, What You Do For the Least of These You Do For Me, etc.), I consider myself more of a "sampler" of religions -- I find what speaks to my heart and adopt that as my "religion". Many people take issue with that, but in my humble opinion, religion is a personal choice. It is a way to communicate with God/Spirit/The Universe/My Higher Self, so why shouldn't it be personalized to what works for me? (AND, I'm off on a tangent) Regardless of your religion, however, it's still a lovely time to be with family and celebrate and be thankful for the return of springtime. After a long night of rain, we're seeing a glimpse of sunlight and hearing the lilt of birdsong, so our fears of a wash-out were unfounded.

I awoke around dawn this morning, went to check on my elderly mother -- my beloved mama -- and made the coffee. She was still sleeping peacefully and looked so warm and cozy that I didn't have to heart to wake her, so she's still asleep, and I get One More Day with her. We had talked about going to church today, and that could still happen, but right now she's so peaceful, I refuse to interrupt her slumber. We have so few peaceful nights that I consider this a heavenly gift, and I will not ruin it by forcing her to get up and get ready for church. She doesn't do well when she's rushed or being forced, so we'll see how the day goes. We may make it to church, and we may not. Perhaps we'll pack a picnic lunch and go to the park. What better way to give thanks for creation than to be in nature (or as close an approximation as we can get in the city) and appreciating it for a while. It's supposed to be very warm, finally, so she'll enjoy being out in the sun and watching the kids.

This is my first time blogging on Wishadoo. Dena asked me to write about my experiences being a care-giver, and until now I haven't had to energy or time or nerve or whatever to do it, but this morning seemed like a good time for a new beginning, given the symbolism of this day. So, here's it is -- my very first blog entry.

In the past few years, I've weathered challenges and hardships I would never have thought I'd have the strength to face, but face them I have, with as much Grace as I could pull from within myself. And you know what? When I had no more Grace myself, someone would always come along to share theirs with me. There are angels among us -- I have absolutely no doubt about that -- from the kind gentlman who helped me when I broke the heel of my shoe and fell into the road in heavy traffic, to the kind lady from the animal shelter who gave us cat food when we couldn't afford to buy it, to the kind online friend who generously offered to help me find work-from-home employment so that we can have some sort of income, to dear friends who have helped us with financial and moral support, to kind strangers who have helped us out financially, to my sweet cousins who have helped us out with tangibles and with loving support, to the compassionate and loving soul who created Wishadoo so that we'd have a place to gather. Plus, there are so many people who've crossed our path, helped us in some way, and gone on their way -- sometimes without telling us their names -- and I have no way of thanking them personally. These are angels among us.

I know that her condition is degenerative, and will eventually take her from us, so my concern for now is making what time she has left on this planet as pleasant and uncomplicated for her as possible. People say to me "you've given up your life to care for her. why don't you put her in a nursing home?" and I understand their concern is for me, but as I've tried to explain to them, my life will continue long after she's gone and there may come a time when I can no longer give her the care she needs, but for now I can, and I get ONE MORE DAY. And for that I am thankful.

[lunatica]

1. My son and I took care of my mother for five years

She was pretty much bed-ridden the entire time, and she had Dementia. Thankfully her doctor gave her medication which slowed the progress of the disease to a crawl, so up to end she knew who we were and was able to participate in her care. She died of Pancreatic cancer in 2010 and was give home hospice care. Yes. There are angels here to help us. Many of them work in Hospice. They must get to enter Heaven in the fast lane. No need to stop and pay any tolls like the rest of us.

I will never regret it though it meant we had no life for those years. My mother died peacefully at home, surrounded by everything she was familiar with, including the dogs she loved.

[OneGrassRoot]

2. ...

[niyad]

3. k and r--thank you for posting this