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[bucolic_frolic]

This message was self-deleted by its author (bucolic_frolic) on Wed Jul 21, 2021, 09:14 AM. When the original post in a discussion thread is self-deleted, the entire discussion thread is automatically locked so new replies cannot be posted.

[3Hotdogs]

1. YOU are responsible for how he is enabled to control you.

Either tell him to fuck off or give him terms to follow with understanding that you will not support him if the terms are not followed. But I expect you will set terms and then relent when he stops complying.

YOU are not responsible for any of the shit he is in.

Read books on tough love. They deal with kids and drugs but apply to any abusive relationship. That is what you are in... an abusive relationship with a spoiled adult brat.

So either continue to coddle him and feel abused or do something about it.

[niyad]

2. For your own sake, and peace of mind, I would suggest that you contact a counsellor

who can help with your resolve not to give n to his whining and manipulation. If your brother will not listen to anyone, you are wasting time and energy even to think about ways to help him. The various social service groups have too much to do with too few resources to waste time on him.

Does this sound harsh? Possibly. But I have seen these situations. Hitting yourself in the head with a hammer would be healthier than trying to make him see sense. I wish you all the best.

[enough]

3. Keep strong in your resolve NOT to allow him into your home and your life.

Caregiving is one of the most taxing, exhausting, stressful and financially draining things anyone can undertake. If you’re caring for someone you love and trust it can be worth it. Or maybe if you have deep reserves of energy and resources. But not in this case. Bringing him in would have untold negative effects on your health and your strength.

This is not your responsibility. He can find counseling and advice through his own community social services. You don’t have to explain or convince him. He’s not rational or honest.

Can you find friends, neighbors or associates to talk with who will understand and support you? It’s hard to keep a resolve like this in isolation. Maybe some community services would be useful to you?

Do not get into “triangulating” with the daughter who won’t speak to you. If he comes into your home, it will not be temporary.

[bucolic_frolic]

4. Yes, thank you

I have a much older friend who is aware of the situation, but not overly adept with aging policies.

I think my county Area Agency on Aging will be able to direct me to professionals who deal with the lay of the land legally.

Thanks to all.

[enough]

5. That sounds like a good call to make. NT