Welcome to DU! The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards. Join the community: Create a free account Support DU (and get rid of ads!): Become a Star Member Latest Breaking News Editorials & Other Articles General Discussion The DU Lounge All Forums Issue Forums Culture Forums Alliance Forums Region Forums Support Forums Help & Search

CountAllVotes

(21,046 posts)
Thu May 5, 2022, 11:29 AM May 2022

Woudn't follow instructions

My husband has been very ill with dementia.

He was told to use the walker at all times but he wouldn't do it.

We went out and he fell and broke his hip.

He is on his way out now I was just told.

It has been a long haul. Very long.

A priest in going to go see him to give him his last rites.

My god. My god.



22 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
Woudn't follow instructions (Original Post) CountAllVotes May 2022 OP
I am so, so sorry. BigMin28 May 2022 #1
I'm sorry XanaDUer2 May 2022 #2
I'm sorry you are going through all this. Bluethroughu May 2022 #3
I cannot imagine how alone you must feel right now. jmbar2 May 2022 #4
I hope he goes quick CountAllVotes May 2022 #5
Focus all your love on the kitties jmbar2 May 2022 #6
They are moving him now CountAllVotes May 2022 #7
If he or you were veterans, call your local VA 3Hotdogs May 2022 #9
He is a veteran CountAllVotes May 2022 #10
Get in touch with the Legion 3Hotdogs May 2022 #11
What do they do? CountAllVotes May 2022 #12
Sending hugs your way snowybirdie May 2022 #8
Oh, no! Sincerest sympathy for you at this time... we know old age and its problem loom, but it's Karadeniz May 2022 #13
It is so hard to be a caregiver. Hugs to you. BoomaofBandM May 2022 #14
Its been a real bitch CountAllVotes May 2022 #15
You were good enough, you gave him lots of time he would not have had. BoomaofBandM May 2022 #16
yes 44 years CountAllVotes May 2022 #17
That is a long time. BoomaofBandM May 2022 #18
.. CountAllVotes May 2022 #19
Dear one, just go with the flow at this time. No Vested Interest May 2022 #20
Thank you CountAllVotes May 2022 #21
Update on this situation CountAllVotes May 2022 #22

jmbar2

(6,055 posts)
4. I cannot imagine how alone you must feel right now.
Thu May 5, 2022, 11:39 AM
May 2022

I'm glad that you shared your story. This is a very supportive community, even if we are merely pixels in the ether.

I pray that he has a peaceful crossing.

(((Hugs))) as you make this painful transition.

CountAllVotes

(21,046 posts)
5. I hope he goes quick
Thu May 5, 2022, 11:52 AM
May 2022

He cannot breathe.

He cannot eat.

I've been alone for many years now.

It is very peaceful here in my home with me three cats that are very upset.

His favorite one has been crying all night.

I knew yesterday that he wasn't going to make it but they didn't listen to me.

Today they did.



jmbar2

(6,055 posts)
6. Focus all your love on the kitties
Thu May 5, 2022, 12:02 PM
May 2022

He is shedding his broken container to be free again.

Hang in there.

CountAllVotes

(21,046 posts)
7. They are moving him now
Thu May 5, 2022, 12:02 PM
May 2022

The cost will be $300 a day.

They want $3200 up front.

$300 a day until he goes.

Not much of an income here as I am 100% disabled w/MS.

Great system in this country isn't it?



CountAllVotes

(21,046 posts)
12. What do they do?
Thu May 5, 2022, 12:31 PM
May 2022

I'm so sick of all of this go here, go there, call this place, call that place.

Shame on the VA! SHAME!

Karadeniz

(23,369 posts)
13. Oh, no! Sincerest sympathy for you at this time... we know old age and its problem loom, but it's
Thu May 5, 2022, 12:39 PM
May 2022

impossible to be really prepared for it. We've had three dementia cases in our family and we intellectually said goodbye years before their deaths... but love is a one-way street so the heart doesn't give up.

BoomaofBandM

(1,922 posts)
16. You were good enough, you gave him lots of time he would not have had.
Thu May 5, 2022, 01:00 PM
May 2022

It is ok to be sad and frustrated, but please don't blame yourself. Life and accidents happen. And it seems many here are dealing with elderly parents and spouses. Take care of yourself.

CountAllVotes

(21,046 posts)
19. ..
Thu May 5, 2022, 01:40 PM
May 2022


Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.

Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.

Deliver us from evil lord.

May god have mercy on his soul.



No Vested Interest

(5,193 posts)
20. Dear one, just go with the flow at this time.
Thu May 5, 2022, 02:29 PM
May 2022

Let others do what they must do, and breathe deeply and know that we are not fully in charge and never have been fully in charge.

He has fought the good fight, and you have done all that you could for your good and dear man.

Let be what will be, for your own good and for his good.
All here join with you in your sorrow and sense of powerlessness at this time.

Find the peace you need in this moment.

CountAllVotes

(21,046 posts)
21. Thank you
Thu May 5, 2022, 03:05 PM
May 2022

I'm not making any more phone calls.

It is too late.

As for the VA, they can 'eff right off!

I did all a human could do for another one.

A sad peacefulness is surrounding me.

I felt this coming months ago.

Instinct I guess you could call it.

Thank you for you kind words.

CountAllVotes

(21,046 posts)
22. Update on this situation
Tue May 10, 2022, 05:52 AM
May 2022

He is in a hospice house facility.

The cost is $500/day.

He was supposedly given last rites yesterday.

I called Social Security and I will receive a solitary check for $250.00 to cover the cost of his funeral.

I bring in $1000 a month on SSDI.

He was bringing in $500.

I will not be getting anything despite the fact we have been married for 36 years.

Poverty awaits.

How will I get by on this pittance?

I could never find an American Legion that has a working phone.

No word from the VA.

However, hospice was able to get over here in 20 mins. to collect their $3200 for the first week of his stay which I put on my credit card.

How will I manage?

He lied and lied badly.

He must have known as he was on Social Security for 25 years!

Grief stricken and pissed off is not a good combination is it?

Latest Discussions»Support Forums»Elder-caregivers»Woudn't follow instructio...