Anyone know about "wards of the state"

[Takket]

I have a potential issue coming and I'm not sure what is going to become of it.........

My brother in law is 44. He lives with his mother, who is in her 70s. They live in a large home, all paid off. The mother pays for everything out of her social security. He has a heart condition and is under medical orders not to do anything physically taxing, no lifting, etc... but even before that, he has never worked a day in his life. He spends all day on the internet reading nonsense (he's an anti-vaxxer, trumper, etc...) He can't even make a can of soup or tie his shoes. his mother just does everything for him. how they got to that point is a LONG story, not really relevant to my question.

I'm married to his sister. MY wife (his sister) is third of four children. He is fourth child. Father and second child have passed away. First child lives in Alabama. Everyone else lives in Michigan (myself, wife, brother in law and mother in law).

My wife is disabled and in no position to be a caregiver (she can't drive, I take care of her).

I'm terrified because my mother in law isn't going to live forever. What will happen to my brother in law if she dies? He has no income or competence to handle paying taxes or utilities even though the house is completely paid off. My wife and I have our own mortgage and we have neither the space nor the assets to take on another person in the home. and frankly living him would probably kill us. He is argumentative and aggressive. He is impossible to be around.

What would become of him if my mother in law dies? Would he become a ward of the state, or would we be expected to take him in? could a court order something like that? I can't do it. it would ruin our lives. And what about the eldest sister, in Alabama. Could he be sent there?

He would certainly have SOME assets in that they could sell the house. The house is probably worth 300-400k. I would be perfectly happy to liquidate it, set him up in a one bedroom apartment near a grocery store, and wish him all the best living off that cash for as long as he can.

I know this will likely need to be discussed with a lawyer at some point, but curious if any of you out there have any experience with this sort of thing.

My mother in law has asked me to be on the deed of the house to ensure ownership is transferred if she dies but I just am AFRAID to do it because i know my brother in law will just expect me to keep it going for him, and i cannot possibly budget paying all the bills to keep that house in order.

[JoeOtterbein]

1. Please contact your local Area Agency on Aging

Every state has at least one. They will help you.

Take care!

[FeelingBlue]

2. You are not

Responsible for this man. You can’t be ordered to care for him. He may be assigned a guardian of his person by a court magistrate. That person would have authority to make living and medical decisions, for better or for worse. The man may also be assigned a guardian of estate who would have authority over his finances. You’d have little to no say in his care or expenditures. Others would make the decisions.

[rubbersole]

3. Please see a reputable elderly law attorney.

We became caregivers rather unexpectedly. What a nightmare responsibility when you don't have a plan. A legal plan. Long story short - we got an appointment (referral from family lawyer) with an honest elderly law attorney. $500 for the first 2 hours. We retained him @ $6500. He saved the estate $245,000 over 2 years and arranged the absolute finest care for our loved one. The relief we felt leaving his office the first time is almost indescribable. Please get a legal plan as soon as you can.

[Scottie Mom]

7. This. 👆🏻

[No Vested Interest]

8. I second the information given by rubbersole, and add that you can help yourself

and your wife by familiarizing yourself with independent living facilities in your area and non-profit assisted living facilities.

[hedda_foil]

4. It sounds like he should be on SS disability. Has that been pursued?

[Takket]

9. Yes he absolutely should

And I have said this to the mother many times. But she is paranoid about the government and having them involved. It is very frustrating.

[Anon-C]

5. Clever!

[littlemissmartypants]

6. Find out if the senior center in your area can help.

I agree with rubbersole. There most likely needs to be a trust set up for when MIL passes away. It's expensive to hire an eldercare attorney but it's worth it. I recently lost both my Daddy and Mother shortly after and I'm eternally grateful for the trust he established for us* to take care of Mother. I don't get along with my sister so it's been a true blessing not to have to deal with her throughout this process.

So, bottom line...

Seek help with the local entities in your area which advise on these things and look for a reputable elder/estate attorney to help you with setting up a trust for your MIL's assets. That's my suggestion.

Take care of yourself, too. This stuff is so stressful especially on top of grieving so be kind to yourself.

❤️ pants

*Mother, me, half-sister and niece.

[Takket]

10. Thanks for the replies everyone.

I will take this advice!

[3Hotdogs]

11. First, regarding elder law. Call your county Bar Association. Ask for elder law referrals.

Initial consultation should be no more than $50.00. Take your m-i-l with you so she knows what's up and why. Lawyer can answer questions about "ward of the state."



$400k ain't gonna go far but could be set up as an annuity with an income, just above poverty level. For most people annuity is not the best choice but if he is incompetent, that would be the way to go.

[XanaDUer2]

12. He needs ssdi

This sounds very frustrating for you and your family. You can stress that he'll need that ssdi money desperately, and it can take years to get. My mom wouldn't take Aid to Dependent Children over some irrational fear of the government, and she was a liberal.