The latest update

[The_jackalope]

Today Mrs. Jackalope spoke with her home nurse and palliative care doctor, and initiated a request for what's known in Canada as MAiD: Medical Assistance in Dying. She meets all the criteria, and it will happen within a couple of weeks.

She said last night that she's done, the suffering is now too deep to endure any more, with nothing to look forward to except raw survival - life without living. Oddly enough, the one aspect of suffering that is not an issue for her is the one people fear most - pain. Everything else sucks, though.

Neither she nor I are that attached to life, it would appear. As always I completely support her wishes, and am in awe of her courage and clarity. Thank God we live in 21st century Canada, with access to legal medical marijuana and legal medical suicide.

I love her so much.
The Jackalope

[voteearlyvoteoften]

1. Thinking of you and Mrs Jackalope tonight

Hugs 🌻🌈

[BigmanPigman]

2. It is difficult to get the necessary two doctors to approve

this in CA due to possible lawsuits. That is why many people follow The Exit Path, To Die Well, and The Peaceful Pill Handbook. I am going to do this when my quality of life isn't worth the suffering and my family and friends are behind me 100%. So many people want to live forever until they begin to experience the changes that happen when your body is shutting down. It is humane to do this for animals but when it comes to people many would rather see people suffer (I have found this is usually true with Catholics for some reason). I am lucky for the support of my family and friends and your friend is lucky to have your support.

[drmeow]

6. I find it ironic (hypocritical) that religious people

are perfectly fine with using technology to prolong life for as long as possible but using technology to end a life which is no longer tolerable for living is against God's will. Um - maybe God's will was that you died before they put on on that ventilator!

[3catwoman3]

35. Exactly. If we were to look at it in the most...

...basic interpretation, starting any medical treatment of any kind could be thought of as interfering with "god's will."

[MLAA]

3. Sending you both kind thoughts and energy

[LiberalLoner]

4. I'm so sorry.

Sending love to you both.

[Permanut]

5. We have something similar in Oregon..

And I would certainly make use of it if needed. My sympathy to you and Mrs. Jackalope; thanks for sharing your journey.

[sinkingfeeling]

7. Sending both of you peaceful thoughts.

[volstork]

8. Just this:

May you be surrounded by love.

[CanonRay]

9. I'm so sorry for you

[kimbutgar]

10. You are both more braver than I ever could be! Find your strength, show your love

And be there for Mrs Jackalope!.

[The_jackalope]

12. We never know how much courage we have until we're called upon.

Then it's not a matter of courage so much as simply doing what needs to be done.

[kimbutgar]

22. Amen Brother!!

Keep up the strength!

[AllyCat]

11. You both are so brave.

Much love and light to you both Jackalope.

[barbtries]

13. oh,

i hardly know what to say. Love, peace, strength.

hugs

[plimsoll]

14. My sympathy.

Nothing else is particularly useful

[The_jackalope]

15. That's plenty. Thank you, and everyone else. nt

[MontanaMama]

16. Safe home to Mrs. Jackalope.

I wish you peace during these raw, difficult days.

[fierywoman]

17. My heart is with you both.

[EarnestPutz]

18. She's lucky to have you...

...and vice versa. Your kindness, and hers, inspires us.

[calimary]

21. Welcome to DU, EarnestPutz.

This is one of those times when DU is an online community at its very finest. You will find not only much passion here but also much compassion.

[mopinko]

19. safe passage to mrs j.

you have to be brave to be in control of your own life, right up to the end. may you both get the loving care you need and deserve.

[calimary]

20. Thank you for letting us know, The_jackalope.

I wish you both peace, tranquility, and love over the next couple of weeks. Gentle passage to her, and solace to you. Many of us here are keeping a virtual vigil with you.

[raven mad]

23. My heart hurts for you both.

[AwakeAtLast]

24. Wishing you continued peace

and comfort as well. Also sending an inadequate virtual hug.

[Lilma]

25. Dear Jackalope

Peace be with you both.

[cilla4progress]

26. Prayers and blessings

To you both. ❤️

[Warpy]

27. Three years before she died, I had the last lucid talk with my mother

She said, "you know, it's occurred to me that the only thing I have left to look forward to is death, and that is a truly awful feeling." Then she went back to wandering around in her past, which is where she was a lot happier.

I'm glad you live in a rational country where people aren't terrified of religious hysterics who want everybody else to wring the last bit of misery out of life.

My dad supplied her with a lethal dose of pills at her bedside. She never used them, but I was very glad he had done that. I left them where they were.

Just be aware that she might or might not choose to use her way out. Knowing it is available will give her a great deal of comfort.

[3catwoman3]

28. I am in awe...

...of your courage. Wishing both of you strength and serenity.

[central scrutinizer]

29. Mrs. Scrutinizer died on March 1 of this year

Pancreatic cancer. Still grieving, crying frequently almost six months later. The hospice program we used offers grief counseling and I have been attending the once a week group sessions. It is helping me to hear other people's' experiences. Even though I knew her time was limited and cried with her and our daughter, the depth and intensity of the grief that hit me the day after she passed was like a tsunami. I hope you have family and close friends who you can lean on. I've come to realize that the hole in my heart is now a permanent part of my life. I will never snap out of it. I don't want to. This is the cost of loving someone worth missing.

This essay resonated with me:

https://johnpavlovitz.com/2015/10/31/the-day-ill-finally-stop-grieving/

I wish I could give you a hug.

[3catwoman3]

33. This is the cost of loving someone worth missing.

What an eloquent and poignant statement.

I can speak from the point of a bereaved sibling. That hole you speak of will be there forever, but the ragged edges will soften, at least a bit, as the months and years go by. Don't let anyone give you any baloney about closure - a meaningless and way-over-used word, IMO. There is a 2 word phrase - "new normal." I think that is a good way to think of loss of a loved one. There will still be reasons life is worth living, and there will be things that will make you smile, but we are forever changed.

My brother died when he was only 23, way back in 1978. My only sibling. Probably a cold-induced arrhythmia from attempting to scuba dive under the ice cover on a frozen lake. My 95 year old mom and I still miss him.

[The_jackalope]

34. "New normal" is a very good way to describe it.

I lost my kid sister 25 years ago to throat cancer when she was just 36. The feeling of cosmic injustice really ripped me up, and put my parents' marriage to the ultimate test (which they passed.)

The hole left by her death is still there, but I've made friends with it over time. Now when I go up to the edge of that hole and peer in, she is there in all her beauty. The hole that was once a gaping wound in my life has now become her home in my memory.

I'm confident that the same change will happen this time too, and that makes me less fearful of the coming grief.

[Lyricalinklines]

30. My sympathy. As well prayers for continued courage, strength and being surrounded in love.

[MFM008]

31. I am sending......

My dad's been gone 17 years Sept 11.
I still hear the voice, the laugh and see his eyes when I look at my own.
Oddly as I get older and face my 60th year, I find comfort in those good memories, especially as my mom slowly slips away.
I wish you comfort and solace in your journey.
We are here.

[The_jackalope]

32. Thank you all for your support. She will definitely use this option. Here's how I know.

The night before last I sat with Mrs. Jackalope as she calmly performed two unsuccessful suicide attempts on her own over the course of four hours, using a different technique each time. I have never seen such resolution and commitment in another human being. It was beyond any possible doubt the hardest experience of my life. It took all my strength and love to stay present for her as they unfolded.

The experience taught us both that amateur suicide is a risky, failure-prone undertaking (please pardon the dark pun.) It's easy to think you know more than you do, and of course there's no chance to practice. I can't stress how much I do not recommend it if a medical option is available. The following morning she initiated the request for professional assistance.

She has a deep, lifelong mistrust of institutions and the people who run them. Her fear of losing her autonomy to a bureaucracy that cares more about its rules than her needs was what made her determined to do it on her own. In the end, it seems her fears were unfounded, and any slight risk to her autonomy is vastly outweighed by the professionalism and compassion of our palliative medical community. Blessings upon all these human angels of mercy.